It was an innocent comment at the end of an innocent get-together. She leaned over and conspiratorially whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry, you’ll get your happy ending.”
I know she meant well. It was a show of friendship and solidarity – but it rankled. The next day I got a message from our mutual friend who had been sitting right there. Ruchi, she said, I am not sure why but something about that comment really bugged me. You don’t need a happy ending. You guys are amazing exactly as you are. Your happy ending is right now. Today.
Her message, apart from bringing tears to my eyes, crystallized how I’d been feeling. Of course, everyone has things in their lives that are difficult. We all have prayers that need to be answered. In a sense we are all waiting around for our happy ending.
But at the very same time we must wear the attitude of joy in the moment. If we’re always waiting around for our happy ending then what is the point? Truly, we are all living our happy endings today, to previously unresolved issues.
But there’s more.
Nobody wants to feel like the object of pity. My struggles in a way are things I’ve gotten accustomed to. And when others glimpse into my life they may wonder how I manage everything. But I likewise look at other people’s struggles and thank G-d that I haven’t been given those tests. I say I wouldn’t be able to handle their stuff – and they probably feel they couldn’t handle mine. But life has a way of growing you into your grown-up issues.
So I don’t need other people reminding me that my stuff is stuff. I don’t need to be the object of anyone’s pity. I don’t need anyone wishing me a happy ending when I’m happy right now, today.
Am I happy every moment? No. And when I’m not, feel free to give me a hug and tell me how awesome I am. But most of the time I’m good.
As I recently told my husband: “We are so blessed. We have everything that we need and lots of things we want.” And I think that’s true for lots of us. Yes, we struggle. Some struggle with financial difficulties. Others, with health issues, both physical and mental. There are dark days in everyone’s life.
Which is exactly why we must make today our happy ending.
As I recently wrote on Facebook:
The light at the end of the tunnel is not about someone else coming through, getting fixed, changing. The light at the end of the tunnel is me. Me accepting. Me loving. Me making space for the reality of another and loving that person exactly as he is today – not tomorrow. Me understanding that that person needs to be in my life to teach me a lesson I can’t learn elsewhere. And by shining that light, and only that way, I shall find peace.
I’d add to that: not just accepting people as they are but also accepting our lives the way they are. Jewish wisdom reminds us that the definition of a wealthy person is one who is happy with what he has. Note the adjective: happy. Not satisfied. Not content. Not begrudgingly settled.
Happy. And there, my friend, is my happy ending. Right now. Right here. Today.
Beautifully said. Thank you
Sounds like you crawled into my head and wrote it for me.
What Dara said. I love and resonate deeply with this post! Thank you for expressing what’s in my heart and neshama as our dear holy daughter and two precious grandkids leave my husband and I in a state of utter joy beyond what I have ever felt or imagined! They all flew cross country to be with us and let us get to know our amazing baby grandson and his big sister preschooler. As parents of a glowing Baal Teshuvah whose holy sparks have ignited mine yet alienated her father, our seven- year journey has been difficult and intense. This week together has healed many of the unintended chasms to electrify, strengthen and deepen our family bond. Oy, those yummy, loving, bright little schmushy souls! Someday Laurie and I hope to write more about our saga to give hope and empower other parents of BTs.
Thank you 🙂
Really love this!!
Amazing. Ruchie ! So inspiring , such clarity ! It lends peace to human lives .
Definitely came at a needed moment. Thank you
Definitely needed to hear this today, Rosh Chodesh Elul as I aim to close down the past year and gear up for the next one. Thanks Ruchi
Love it! I am divorced and with no children. Everybody writes about how blessed they are because G-d gave them children. Because of that they know what true love is and so on. So I wonder, G-d forgot about me, my blessings, and my happy ending? This is not what I though my story was going to be like, but it is the way it was written.
Thanks everyone for your comments. Brenda although my struggles are not identical to yours I want to thank you for your candor. I can definitely relate to that feeling.
Ruchi, I meant to write my reply to Dara G. as a separate comment rather than a reply. I’ve been thinking about connecting with you for years. My daughter, Laurie once asked me to write about our family’s powerful BT journey from my perspective as her mother. You had asked her to ask me. 7 years later, I am now ready to share a new chapter of our family’s intense story.
Spot on, Ruchi!
A few years ago I was feeling down: divorced, no man on the horizon, everybody repeating to me not to worry, because I’ll meet someone soon. I know they meant well, but all it did was incessantly remind me that I was indeed terminally single. One day I had a meaningful conversation with myself, or with haShem (can you always tell the difference?) and realised that sure, I wanted a relationship and I didn’t have one at the moment, but aside from that my life was pretty great: I had loving friends and family, a good job, a comfortable financial situation – all was good except for this one thing. And I had allowed that one thing to become the defining criterium for the whole of my life. Realising that helped me relax and enjoy what I had. Now I have a husband and a child, and I can look back at that period without regret, for I learned to enjoy it in all its imperfection.
Such truth here.