never other
as a girl
in the in group
doing fine
happy in my class of 20
opportunities to shine were plenty
Hungarian grandmother to give me esteem
never experienced anything mean
approval, encouragement was mine for keeps
in the loop
in the heart
in the midst
of IT.
Venturing out as a grownup
OTHER as an Orthodox Jewish woman
she of the skirts
she of the crew neck shirts
she of the long sleeves
(in July)
she of the covered hair
no matter what
a shameful other
those with disdain
would rain
on my parade
first time ever
Me? on the outs? Never.
That others would whisper about me
when they thought I couldn’t hear
that others would ascribe subjugation
to the clothes I chose to wear
was new
like an uncomfortable pair of shoes
that pinched and chafed
and made you wonder
why you insisted on buying them.
And now
mother of a Special Needs Kid
another kind of other
one that everyone knows
you have to respect
after all there are laws about things like this
aren’t you enlightened in the 21st century
get with the lingo
you can’t use words like retarded anymore
or you will simply look like an
ignorant
bigoted
prejudiced
freak
Don’t you know to withhold judgment from those who are different from you?
To keep your mouth from whispering your little mean whispers?
Isn’t that called manners?
Why is this
a different kind of other?
Wow, this is so powerful. Thanks for sharing.
I don't think of myself as an other. I am very proud of my special needs child just as or even more so than my " typical" kids. I think it just makes u more in tune to others needs and differences
Yup yup yup, +1000000
Dearest Ruchi,
I am so very proud of you for so many reasons.
Sometimes there is strength and power in 'other' and I believe in you.
You give me hope that we will not allow ourselves and our yiddishkeit to get swallowed in boredom and rote.
We have to teach our children to love Hashem and His Torah.
We have to instill in them Yiras Shomayim and we have to be able to give them the confidence that it's ok to be different.
There is wonder and power in 'other.'
L-ord, save us from all this sameness!!!
Yiddishkeit is alive and well because AND ONLY BECAUSE there is 'other.'
Not the other way around.
We have to have faith.
Emunah and bitachon, not only in the One Above but in ourselves.
Change is hard.
As long as we know we are within Halacha, we have to surround ourselves with positive partners, energies and friends.
Lip service need not apply.
It's hard being an 'other.'
It's harder being the mother of one.
Don't even ask about being the grandmother…
Dearest Ruchi,
I am so very proud of you for so many reasons.
Sometimes there is strength and power in 'other' and I believe in you.
You give me hope that we will not allow ourselves and our yiddishkeit to get swallowed in boredom and rote.
We have to teach our children to love Hashem and His Torah.
We have to instill in them Yiras Shomayim and we have to be able to give them the confidence that it's ok to be different.
There is wonder and power in 'other.'
L-ord, save us from all this sameness!!!
Yiddishkeit is alive and well because AND ONLY BECAUSE there is 'other.'
Not the other way around.
We have to have faith.
Emunah and bitachon, not only in the One Above but in ourselves.
Change is hard.
As long as we know we are within Halacha, we have to surround ourselves with positive partners, energies and friends.
Lip service need not apply.
It's hard being an 'other.'
It's harder being the mother of one.
Don't even ask about being the grandmother…
gee . . . I don't believe there is a different kind of other, or any other at all, except what we, in our limited judgement, imagine and invent. Hashem created us all, according to his wisdom and judgement. That's all. Who exactly would be the standard against which we decide who is "different" or "other"?!
We are all invested with such wonderful qualities, with an infinite and holy soul! The Torah commands that we make the best of what we have been given, that we strive always for connection with our Creator (through mitzvot etc). When we look up, up to our parents, grandparents, to our great forefathers and mothers, up to Hashem, then we see there is no end to how high we can go.
I don't know any Torah which values anyone less for having been created with differences which are more apparent or obvious, of any kind. (The Torah does of course differentiate for certain purposes between the roles of man and woman, Jew and gentile, lay-Jew or priest or prophet or king, but those have to do with our particular ways of serving God and not with inherent value in each human)
We are *all* here to be faithful and to serve, to bring Hashem's light into this world, You, and your family, and your "special needs" son (how does that phrase even help us?). Yes, he, too, has work to do and a contribution to make! As do the rest of us by focussing more on the work we are here to do and less on giving each other grades and labels and endlessly comparing ourselves with each other. It's so pointless.
Of course the high-ness has to be brought down to numerous little steps. Each step truly does count. Together, b'ezrat Hashem, in our generation, in our homes, in our lives, we are doing our part in the great story of the Jewish People.
One last point – our "simcha" depends only on our willingness to be grateful for what we do have, even when it is deeply not what we wanted, or what we asked for. Simcha does not fill in the blanks, it does not fix what is broken, but gratitude for what there is fills our hearts with love and joy, helps us to accept Hashem's plan for us instead of the plan we submitted, and then we have strength to give and to do and build up others. Where do we get the power? Only from Hashem.
I'm not saying any of this is easy, only that, from what I have read of yours, you can do this. I know you can. Love.
Powerful. Beautiful.
Yup, Hungarians got the esteem, what-what!
There are so many types of "other," the "other" we place upon ourselves, the "other" people place on us. Many situations in life make us think of ourselves as "other." When we realize that "other" is not real, it's just our own insecurities or the insecurities of others.
It's when we stand tall, and refuse to acknowledge the "other"—we realize it is all in the mind, and it can be overcome.
Your sentiments are beautiful. But … good luck with this. Our own "different" son was asked to leave his Hebrew school because he was a little too weird for the teachers to handle. My wife, in her therapy practice, encountered a number of people who were pushed out of their Jewish communities because they were deemed unmarriageable.
Some Jewish communities are way more tolerant and accepting than others. A mentally challenged relative was coached through a bar mitzvah. In my own experience, tolerance is inversely related to religiousity.
It is a sad fact that Jewish day schools generally excel in one thing: Jewish education. They specialize. It's hard to find one that also specializes in special ed, and/ or extracurricular, secular studies. I must say that my son attends the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland, and while they don't have the resources a public school would have (it is frightfully expensive to run a Jewish day school which is not funded by state or church dollars, and in which no one is turned away due to limited funds), the staff and administration have been BEYOND AMAZING in their concern and attention to my son. I am aware that many people do not have this experience. I consider myself very blessed in this regard.
Good to hear he's back in school.
this may interest you, and other readers:
http://carriecariello.com/2015/01/19/i-know-what-causes-autism/
This may give you and others some chizuk
https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/when-i-knew-my-son-was-different-113263243107.html