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ruchikoval

Baking tray lined with aluminum foil.
Uncategorized June 11, 2012

I’m a Jew-ist

I care about our planet
yet I’m not an environmentalist.

I care about animals
but I’m not an activist.

I feel that women are strong, wise, and capable, and have an incredibly important contribution to offer the world
but I’m not a feminist.

I believe that humans have values and concerns that are deeply important
but I wouldn’t be called a humanist.

It is vitally important to me to understand things rationally
but I don’t want you to call me a rationalist.

My observance may seem extreme to some
but I don’t think you’d call me an extremist.

I believe that God has a masterplan
but I’m definitely not a fatalist.

I’m a Jew.
It’s my highest calling.
I wouldn’t dilute it, hyphenate it, or share it with any other identity.
All my other callings fall under its umbrella.
I’m a Jew-ist.

Why Youngests Are Lucky
Uncategorized June 5, 2012

10 Things I’ve Learned in the 20 Years Since Graduating High School

This month marks 20 years since I graduated high school.  Mazel tov to me; to my fellow students of Yavne High School at the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland, and to grads of ’92 all over the world.  In a neat twist, I am blessedly grateful to God for my eldest daughter who is 20 years younger than me and is graduating high school next week.  Mazel tov!

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. People will, of their own accord, follow up on their commitments without reminders approximately 10% of the time.
BUT lots of the 90% think they’re the 10% so good luck with that.

2. You never need to buy anything at full price.  There’s always a smarter way.
BUT consciously indulge every once in a awhile.  It’s fun.

3. Phrases like “I need some me-time”; “It’s the principle of the matter”; and “I just need to vent/rant” are usually rationalizations for selfish behavior camouflaged as mental health directives.
BUT don’t tell that to your spouse.

4. When life feels overwhelming, it’s usually because I need a nap.
BUT maybe that’s because I don’t drink coffee.

5. Potty training is worse than adolescence.
BUT adolescence lasts a lot longer.

6. Every person has free will to accept or reject a life of faith.  There will always be compelling factors on both sides.
BUT most people in this world have never taken the time to embark on a serious educational quest on the issue.

7. My parents were way more in the know than I thought when I was a teen.
BUT it might take my kids another 20 years to figure out that so am I.

8. Baby food is a scam.  Applesauce is applesauce and oatmeal is oatmeal.
BUT it took me 5 kids to stop buying it.

9. Secrets are almost always more damaging in than out.
BUT if you make me a surprise party, I’ll forgive you.

10. You can say pretty much anything – even tough truths – to the people you love.
BUT plan your words very wisely.

What truths have you learned since graduation?

Promotional poster for JFX event.
Uncategorized May 30, 2012

High on Hebrew

Hebrew is the only language, I recently asserted, where it pays to play language police.

On a recent post about the nature of the relationship between Reform and Orthodox definitions of Jewish,  a tangent, one of many, arose, buried deep in the comment section, that merits its own post: the particularness of the Hebrew language.

It started with the discussion of: is Judaism a race or nation?  Religion or ethnicity?  I was surprised that some were opposed to my usage of the word “race” as it niggled Nazi terminology a wee too close.  And the conversation continued (I’ve edited here):
Me: …it really only makes sense to be the language
police where Hebrew is concerned. English (ever read the kids’ book
“Frindle”?) language is useful per lots of people agreeing to mean
something by the usage of a particular word or phrase.

Hebrew,
according to Judaism, carries inherent, never-evolving, never
synonymously interchangeable, meanings. Biblical Hebrew, that is.

So
I don’t mind if you substitute race for nation for whatever. My
original point was, is and still stands, that whatever you call us, we
defy logic. You can’t compare us to any other people, religion, race
ethnicity, or nation – in terms of how they define themselves, came to
be formed, and can cease to belong to that particular group. It doesn’t
even matter what you call us, for this reason.



Should be working:  Thanks for appreciating me be a linguistic nitpicker. It’s a passion.
Now
you will have to tell me more about this idea that Hebrew has
never-evolving meanings. Where does Judaism say this? I’m a big fan of
Robert Alter’s Bible translations, and his scholarship. One thing I love
is his sensitivity to the ambiguities in the language of the Torah.
Which means you and O-Jews might be anything but fans. 
  
Larry Lennhoff: I
hope Ruchi wasn’t trying to say that the words of the Torah are
unambiguous. Rather I took her to say that every word was precisely
chosen and that no other word would do in its place. This precision is
necessary precisely to allow for the ambiguity that results in the 70
faces of the Torah. When someone darshens (homiletically interprets a
verse) based on the idea that if you read a word with a different set of
vowels you can extract another meaning they are taking advantage of the
Torah’s precision, but increasing ambiguity, not lessening it.

Orthodox figures such Ibn Ezra, James Kugel (in his book How to Read the Bible: A Guide to Scripture, Then and Now)…all pay great attention to Biblical grammar and vocabulary.

I look forward to Ruchi’s post on the matter.
Zusel ben Shlomo :  Ruchi, you
are losing me again when you state that Hebrew, even Biblical Hebrew,
is never ambiguous or uncertain. It is certainly not true once it is
translated into English. IF you have ever seriously studied Tanach
using two different Jewish translations you might be amazed at the
differences. Even resorting to a competent Biblical reader, results in a
statement “well the Hebrew kind of implies both meaning, but neither
one is exact.”
There are also many Biblical nouns e.g. animals that we have no certain knowledge of.

There
are also words that only appear once in the entire Biblical Hebrew
so it is impossible to know what they meant in the ancient context.
Tanach also includes many euphemisms and figures of speech that cannot
be translated literally. 

So let me clarify what I’m talking about here.  Please note that wherever I say “Hebrew,” I refer not to modern Israeli Hebrew, but rather to Biblical Hebrew.
Rabbi Akiva Tatz is really the contemporary king of the topic.  In his book Letters to a Buddhist Jew, there is an entire chapter devoted to the following concepts.  I encourage you to click on the link and read it online:
1. Hebrew is entirely unlike any other language (sounds familiar to my assertion that the Jewish people are unlike any other people ever created…).
2. All languages derive originally from Hebrew.  The story of the Tower of Babel describes its explosion into multiple languages.  No coincidence here that Babel is essentially the same as the English “babble” – that’s exactly what happened when the languages diverged.
3. Hebrew is [perhaps one of] the most concise of languages.
4. Hebrew is the language of reality, and thus a concept that is merely an illusion will not have a word to describe it in Hebrew (example: “my rights”).  Ugly words do not exist in Hebrew; despite its inherent conciseness, more words and syllables will be employed to describe something in a lovelier, less insulting way.  Example: the word “treif” is not Biblical but rather Talmudic.  In the Torah it describes “the animals that are not pure.”
5. There are no synonyms in Hebrew since each word is precisely chosen and carries that meaning throughout its use anywhere in Scripture.
6. Aside from the actual word usage and the sense of reality it conveys, there is another layer of meaning encoded in the language, that, as far as I know does not exist in any other language.  This is called “gematria” – each letter carries a numerical equivalent that is there to teach us something and can often reveal deeper layers of the concept.
7. Each Hebrew letter’s construct and name is the subject of deep meaning.  Even which letters are juxtaposed in the Torah is a meaningful study.  Example: Two letters that never appear together in the entirety of Torah (this was asserted prior to computer-checking capacity but remains proven now) are the “gimmel” and the “tet.”  Put together, it spells the Talmudic word for divorce.
There are so many examples and so much more to say; start with reading Rabbi Tatz’s chapter and even that is just the portal.
To respond to Zusel ben Shlomo:
Sure, Hebrew can be ambiguous, just as any language.  But the diction never is.  If a word is chosen, it is very telling.  To the point where when I teach Torah classes, mainly in English, when we’re stuck I look up the original Hebrew and it usually answers the question.  The translating into English is precisely the problem; it’s like reading a recipe online instead of cooking it in real life.
So to the original point, it doesn’t really matter if I want to call the Jewish people a “nation,” a “race” or whatever.  The real question is, what are we called in Hebrew?
Here are a few answers, and excuse my imperfect translation, which you now know the reason for:
“Mamleches kohanim” – a kingdom of priests (religion/Chosen People)
“Goy Kadosh” – a holy people (religion)
“Bnei Yisrael” – the children of Israel (race/family/ethnicity)
“Am segulah” – a treasured nation (nation)
Squirming?  🙂 
So…. does that clarify or confuse?  What’s your exposure to the depth of Biblical Hebrew?
Uncategorized May 25, 2012

10k and 401k

Cross-posting from my other blog, jfxramblings.blogspot.com.

For
the first time in my life, I was in a 10k on Team JFX this past Sunday
in the Cleveland Marathon.  It was an unbelievable experience.  I love
trying new things and the anticipation the night before embarking on
something brand-new is thrilling for me.  I had no idea what it would be
like.  Here are some things that I didn’t anticipate:

1. To paraphrase Michael Jackson, it doesn’t matter if you walk or run.
Well,
maybe for serious runners it did, but for me, it didn’t.  I’m not very
well-trained, and it didn’t matter.  I’ve learned that good “runner’s
etiquette” is not to ask.  Asking personal deets about your 10k is like
asking about your 401k!  Walk, run, start, stop, do what works for you. 
Just keep trying and make it to the finish.

2. When you cross the finish line, no one knows if you were in the 10k, the half-marathon, or the full.
So
a 10k is roughly 6 miles.  Half-marathon, 13.  Full:  26.  And when you
cross that finish, no one knows unless you tell them.  You coulda
actually slipped in 5 minutes before the end and no one would know the
diff.   You know what?  It’s no one else’s business but yours. Only you
know how hard you trained, how much you pushed, and how long you ran. 
(Or if you walked.)

3.  There’s a whole “marathon culture.”
A
couple of nights before the race, I called Kim, my runner friend, and
asked her a whole bunch of questions: what if I need to drink?  Do I
bring my own water?  Are there bathrooms along the way?  What’s the best
way to cover my head?  Sunglasses or too sweaty?  She laughed and said I
reminded her of when she was becoming more observant.  How should I
know people are standing there offering you drinks and you just toss the cup into the street?  (That was painful for the eternal mother in me.   Now who’s gonna clean up that mess?)  My
point?  We all have stuff that we’re experienced at, and stuff that
we’re novices at.  Ask!  Find someone who likes you who has more
experience, and just plain old ask.

4. Everyone’s in pain the next day.
Being
in a race is somewhat glamorous.  (I still won’t throw out my bib.  Oh,
and yes, a bib is a piece of paper with your number that you pin on
your shirt.  Oh… your number… so everyone gets one when they
register…wtvr…)  Everyone is so excited for you, people are
impressed, folks are sponsoring you.  Then, the next day, you and
everyone else in the race, is in pain.  You’re sore, dehydrated and have
a headache.  It’s OK.  Pain is the great equalizer.  From the most
well-trained runner to, well, me.  Does it mean I goofed?  Does it mean I
shouldn’t do it again?  Nah.  I means I’m pushing myself.  That’s good.

I’m
not going to tell you all to join a race.  It’s not for everyone.  But I
will challenge you to find something that you’ve never tried before,
and just sign up.  It keeps you fresh and interesting. 

3,324
years ago, on Shavuot, at Mt. Sinai, the Jews signed up for Judaism,
and they sure didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. Who knows?  Maybe you, too, will be in pain the next day. 

That’s a good thing.

Poster announcing event at JFX on Thursday.
Uncategorized May 22, 2012

What Do You Mean, You Can’t Eat in my Home??

Okay, so I shamelessly stole that awesome title from Azriela Jaffe’s book, and will pay back the favor by linking it here.  (Thanks, Azriela.)  I haven’t actually read the book but I’ve heard lotsa good things about it.

Neither have I ever dealt with this issue personally, but many of my friends have.  The thrust is that when someone decides to keep kosher, or go from “regular kosher” or “kosher style” to strictly kosher, they may be unable (unwilling?) to eat in their families’ and friends’ kitchens.  Result?  Confusion, perceived judgment, and hurt feelings.  IMHO, one of the main issues is that the parties involved become emotionally bogged down and thus unable (unwilling?) to see things objectively.

So, for the purpose of distance and illustration, let’s look at four analogous instances.  Ready?

Scenario 1:
My husband is doing a bris.  He suggests that the family serve kosher food at the bris to honor the Jewish symbolism of the occasion.  They decline.  They offer to order him a kosher meal.  Or, sometimes, they don’t.

Scenario 2:
We have guests over that are gluten-free.  It’s my first experience with gluten-free eating, so I poke around online and ask them for ideas.  “Don’t worry,” they say, “don’t put yourself out.  There are lots of things our son can eat.  Thank you!”

Scenario 3:
My friend tells me an acquaintance invited herself over for Shabbat dinner, and asked what she’d be serving.  “Brisket,” she said.

“Oh, sorry, I can’t have that.  It’s too fattening.”

Scenario 4:
At a holiday dinner, my mother-in-law brings out a number of dishes, most of which, coincidentally, contain mushrooms.  It turns out that her guest is allergic to mushrooms.

Questions:
1. Is it the responsibility of the bris host to order my husband a kosher meal?  Is it reasonable for him/her to be offended if my husband can’t eat the “regular” (non-kosher) meal?

2. Is it my responsibility to make sure I have gluten-free food for my guest, or should he/she fill up on GF food prior to coming?  Should I be hurt if he/she won’t eat food that I thought, erroneously, was GF?

3. Is this guest rude?

4. Who feels worse: the guest, or my mother-in-law?

What do you think?  Have you ever been in any of the above situations?

The Year of Healing and Dealing
Uncategorized May 16, 2012

Is Feminism Hillary, Olivia, Jamie, or the-Hasidic-Women-in-the-Photo?

Is feminism Hillary, Olivia, Jamie, or the-Hasidic-woman-in-the-photo?

Let’s see.

In recent news, we have Hillary Clinton, a well-known feminist, appearing unadorned and bespectacled in a photo while abroad in Bangladesh.  In this interesting piece on the subject, Amy Odell says:

When asked by CNN about the makeup-less photo of her in Bangladesh
making the rounds this week, Hillary confirmed that her appearance is
“just not something I think is important anymore.” Fox News aside, the
world rejoiced over that sentiment. She “does not need to fret about
having the right sort of career-enhancing wardrobe, haircut or makeup,” wrote Robin Givhan for the Daily Beast.
“She could arrive for a diplomatic meeting wearing flip-flops and blue
jeans and no one would doubt her authority.” Styleite’s Jada Wong responded simply with, “Yeah, she rules.”

Personally, I (Ruchi here) think this is awesome.  A woman should absolutely be respected for her mind, values, and personal accomplishments.  Whether my political views are aligned with Hillary’s is highly irrelevant; my inner self salutes her inner self.  If this is feminism, man, I’m a feminist.

…In December of 2010, Hillary memorably tackled the media’s fixation on her clothing choices during a talk in Kyrgyzstan, when an interviewer asked about her favorite clothing designers. She replied, “Would you ever ask a man that question?”

Her comments on CNN yesterday are sure to inspire fans who wish they,
like her, didn’t feel pressured to look a certain way, as all women are.
This line in particular stood out: “I feel so relieved to be at the
stage I’m at in my life right now.”

[Note: if she actually showed up for a diplomatic meeting wearing flip-flops and blue jeans, hmmm, I’m not such a fan.  Part of the cool is that she could – but won’t.]

Next in line we have Olivia Palermo, a well-known “socialite.”  (My guard is up.)   It seems that:  

The socialite has become one of the most influential red-carpet
celebrities for style-conscious Orthodox women, who must follow three core rules of modesty in how they dress.

Well, now.  I consider myself a style-conscious Orthodox woman, and I’ve never heard of her.   But you can’t argue that sleeves on wedding gowns and longer skirt lengths have been made cooler by the likes of Kate Middleton.

The
Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, is also praised for her ‘ladylike’
clothes, and Ms. Heyman added that celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe, who
often wears layers of vintage, ‘covers up in [a way] that works for the
Orthodox
girls.’

Are Olivia and Kate feminists, then, for wearing longer, classier clothing that don’t broadcast or objectify them?  For not buying into that whole industry?  What is their motivation for covering up and creating a new trend?

If feminism means that we cover more to be taken seriously more (both by men and women), man, I’m so in.

Thirdly, we arrive at Jamie Grumet, a 26-year-old model and blogger – I refuse to link anything here – who recently appeared on the highly controversial cover of Time magazine nursing her 3-year-old son.  In a tank top and skinny jeans, her pose and facial expression defy you to question her ways, with the accusatory headline “Are You Mom Enough?” splashed across the page.

I’ve seen Jamie hailed by feminist women, for standing up for her attachment ways.  I’ve seen her vilified by equally strong-minded women, for selling out, turning moms against each other in a man-run corporation, and branding herself by her body instead of her mind.

Is Jamie a feminist?  Was she used?  Taken advantage of?

If feminism here means the right to expose yourself publicly, I’m out.  Equal footing with men, remember?  

Finally, we have these two Hasidic women.  They don’t seem to care about modern fashion, nor do they seem impressed or even aware that their pictures are being taken.  Are they repressed?  Cool, like Hillary, and relieved, to not care?  Do they “rule” like she does?

Are they feminists, like Olivia and Kate, for dressing in a way that does not leave them objectified?

Do they have anything at all in common with Jamie, for standing out with their non-conformist ways and proudly bucking the trend?

If feminism here clashes with these women’s choice of dress and lifestyle, whoops, I’m out again.  But if it means that just as my pediatrician wears long side burns and a bow tie, and that’s just fine, well, these women are cool.   That’s a choice.  If it means they are immune to the dictates of a bunch of socialites, nay, don’t even know what they have said to build immunity to, I’m in!

Who, indeed, is a feminist?

Then there’s me.  I like to look cute.  Sometimes I feel proud of that  – I fancy that maybe I am an example that looking “good” and being Orthodox are not mutually exclusive.  Other times I feel like a mindless robot.  Who says purple is cute this year?  Why do I care?  Maybe the most liberated women are those that know that following trends is plain old stupid and are man enough (pardon the expression) to live that clarity.

On the third hand, it makes me feel good when I feel that I look good.  But who is dictating those feelings?  Any girl worth her style-salt knows that your “cute clothes” from five years no longer make you feel cute.

So who’s the feminist now?

Related posts:

Yoga, Feminism, Judaism: how do you make your decisions?
The Decision Every Woman Must Make
Mythbusters #2:  Orthodox Women are Second Class Citizens 


Book cover: "Conversations with God" by Ruchi Koval.
Uncategorized May 13, 2012

Cooking Tips and Tricks

Today I am over at joyofkosher.com, blogging about cooking, per the upcoming holiday of Shavuot/Shavuos.  (Remember Shavuos?)  For those of you that know Jamie Geller, or own Quick and Kosher, her cookbook, or Meals in Minutes, her newest one, this is her site.  And it’s great.


I’m not really sure what I’m doing here.  See…(furtive glance side-to-side)…I don’t like to cook.



As a rabbi’s wife and mother of seven, though, I cook a-plenty.  But
for me it’s kind of like brushing my teeth.  I do what I need to do to
maintain my reputation as a functional adult, and if it smells good, so
much the better.



But I have tricks!  (…continue reading…)

Related posts:

Do Women Want To Be in the Kitchen?
The Food…Oy, the Food

Shabbat Dinner Menu and Recipes… My Way