Browsing Articles Written by

ruchikoval

Woman holding a cupcake, smiling happily.
Uncategorized December 16, 2011

The Beauty of Basherte

“You’re not going to make it tonight?  OH! 
We’ll miss you.  Okay, don’t
worry.  Everything is basherte.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to miss your wedding!  My son just woke up with strep and there’s no
way I can leave town!  What should I do –
everything is basherte.”
“What??  The freezer just
died, full of food!  Well.  Everything is basherte.”
Basherte:
pre-destined; meant to
be.  Usually used in reference to a
soul-mate, as in marriage, but also used to reference the Hand of Providence,
whether for the good or bad, that shapes every event in our lives.  Some Jews prefer to call it karma…
Here’s the beauty of basherte.  When it’s your reality, it simply has the
power to take the wind of disappointment, regret, blame and anger right out of
your sails.  When it’s the reality of
others in your life, it takes those emotions right out of their sails.
Caution:
1.      
It takes practice.
2.      
You can’t be a control freak or a micro-manager
and expect this to be easy.
3.      
You can’t make a dumb mistake and blame the
results on God.
People usually use the term “basherte” to describe a
wonderful, serendipitous event, where the Hand of God stirred the pot and
everything tasted wonderful upon completion. 
That’s beautiful too.  
But the real power of basherte is when you apply it to the
negative things that occur to you.
I am anticipating the question of why bad things happen to good
people.  While that is a valid question, I
deal with it mainly in person only.  I intend
here to address the instances referenced above: the inevitable and mundane
disappointments of daily lives.
Have you ever experienced, in hindsight, the beauty of basherte?  Seeing the Providence in what seemed like a
disappointment or negative occurrence?
Hikers ascending rocky trail with sign.
Uncategorized December 15, 2011

Best Jewish Apps

What’s on my phone right now?  I always love the coolness of combining technology with religiosity.  So fun.  So I decided to share with y’all which Jewish apps are currently hanging out on my phone:

1. Zmanim

This literally means “times.”  In Judaism, the exact minute of sunrise and sunset are very important, as well as many points in between (like their midpoint).  Why?  There are certain times of day designated for certain prayers.  When Shabbat and holidays start and end.  When ANY day starts and ends.  Like if you need to figure out which is the 8th day for a bris.  So this app detects your location and offers you all the important times:  sunrise, till when you can do the morning prayers, midday, the earliest time you can do the afternoon prayers, sunset, nightfall, and mid-night (not to be confused with 12:00 am).

You can also change the date or location, like if you want to know when Shabbat will begin in four months (like for people who plan Shabbatons, ahem) or if you’ll be traveling and want to know if you can still catch a minyan at your destination.

2. Siddur

This is a prayerbook app.  The free one is Hebrew only (yup, that’s what I’ve got – I’m cheap, but for a small fee you can download one with English) and has bookmarks for the morning blessings, the Shema, the Amidah, the afternoon prayers (mincha), the evening prayers (maariv), “bentching” – Grace After Meals, the travelers’ prayer, and more.  It’s perfect for when I’m on the go, but, like many anti-Kindle peeps, I feel it’s just not the same.  Also quite distracting when an email or call comes in while I’m supposed to be concentrating on the Lord.  But there’s a concept in Judaism of looking at the words while you pray – even if you know it by heart.  Or maybe especially if you do.  Because it helps you concentrate, while you might be tempted to rattle it off by rote.  So this is great in a pinch.

3. Tehillim

This is the Book of Psalms.  Yeah, in an app.  Oxymoron?  Nah.  Jewish tradition has us turning to this book to pray for assistance or gratitude in any circumstance.  I confess, I’ve never used it.  I always revert to whispering the ones I know by heart.  But it’s very cool and has fun bookmarks.  Also, it makes me feel good just by being on my phone.

4. Calendar converter

This is a totally fun app that gives you the Hebrew dates for English and vice versa.  Very handy for choosing bar and bat mitzvah dates for our Sunday school kids.

5. Google calendar: Jewish holidays

This isn’t really an app, but did you know you could download the Jewish calendar into your google calendar?  Then all the Jewish holidays appear instantly, including Rosh Chodesh (first day of  the new Jewish month), and, if you’d like, the various Torah portions each week.  You can even choose your dialect for Hebrew (like Shabbos or Shabbat).  Very useful for making sure you don’t schedule an event on the first night of Passover or something like that.

6.  Avot

This is all six chapters of Pirkei Avot – the Ethics of the Fathers.  I’m teaching it in a class, and it’s perfect for checking quickly what we’re up to or reviewing before class.

7. Kol Halashon

Just downloaded this last week and I’ve already used it a bunch of times.  It’s for the more experienced learner, and basically it takes what is already a telephone learning service and offers it in app form.  It’s an extensive and organized collection of Torah lectures by today’s most popular lecturers.  You can choose parsha, mishna, Talmud, Jewish law, character improvement.  You can choose Hebrew, English, Yiddish and other languages.  I’ve bookmarked my four favorite lecturers.  You can either download the lectures or just play them, so it’s great for travel.  Eats up quite a bit of memory, but for me, totally worth it.

Which Jewish apps are hanging out on your phone?

Hikers ascending desert trail, Snake Path sign.
Uncategorized December 11, 2011

Non Encounter at a Bris

The Scene:  Bris of Greenstein Family.  Orthodox synagogue.

In attendance: the Greenstein’s Orthodox friends, non-Orthodox friends and relatives of both persuasions.

The service is about to begin.  Friends and relatives file in to the main lobby.

Enter stage left – Karla Greenstein, a first cousin of Melinda (the baby’s mom).  Karla is a 37-year-old mom and reading intervention specialist.  She is excited to be at the simcha, but insecure in her choice of outfit and quite intimidated about entering an Orthodox synagogue (for the first time).

Enter stage right – Chava Leah Kohn, 31 years old, mom, reading intervention specialist, and friend of Melinda’s. Orthodox born and bred, Chava Leah has had limited interactions with non-Orthodox Jews and is nervous about what to say if someone will ask her a question about Orthodoxy that she can’t answer.

Karla sees Chava Leah across the room.

Karla’s stream of consciousness:

omg i’m wearing the wrong thing i knew i would be wearing the wrong thing.  i wore a dress, but no one said it had to be BLACK and SO LONG obviously the leggings aren’t quite the new skirt just yet oy why is she looking at me like that where do i stand?  are men and women supposed to be separate or something oh no look those orthodox are all mingling and socializing ok i guess its ok.  phew.  should i ask that woman where to go she’s obviously in the know oh no i would look too stupid what if i say something to offend her oh this is very stressful i gotta find somewhere to put this gift where’s the table for gifts oh there’s melinda lemme go say hi

Chava Leah sees Karla across the room. 


Chava Leah’s stream of consciousness:

oh that woman looks a little lost and confused i should really go over to her and ask her if she needs help no that would look stupid who am i to be like the hall monitor no can’t do that but don’t want to leave her hanging either so nice how she’s wearing a dress to be respectful wow i should really go introduce myself and be a mensch no i’m much too shy what will i say what if she asks me something and i don’t know how to answer i’ll feel like such a fool she’s so cute her outfit’s really cute i wonder if i look so out of style in my clothes does she think i’m like totally out of date come on just go over and say hi what’s the big deal no i can’t it’s too weird oh she’s leaving oh there’s melinda

Chava Leah approaches Melinda just as Karla leaves.

They exchange brief smiles.

Karla exits stage right.

Chava Leah exits stage left.


Curtains.

Book cover: "Conversations with God" by Ruchi Koval.
Uncategorized December 9, 2011

Poll: Anti-semitism and intra-anti-semitism

Which of the following do you feel is the biggest problem:
1. Hatred of non-Jews toward Jews
2. Hatred of Jews toward other kinds of Jews
3. Hatred within the Orthodox community?
As always, comments containing specific negative information, even true, about ANY group of people, or snide remarks, will not be published.
Smiling girl and woman with headbands.
Uncategorized December 8, 2011

Fishplating

Once upon a time, there was a shul Kiddush.  And at this shul Kiddush were both Orthodox
Jews and non-Orthodox Jews.  Included on
the Kiddush buffet were gefilte fish, cholent, salads, crackers and dips.  Yes, it was a very wonderful Kiddush.
Some of the Jews at the Kiddush had learned of the custom not to eat fish and meat together. 
Others had not.  The wise Rabbi
had not taught it, since it was a custom, and many people at the shul were
driving to shul on Shabbos and eating cheeseburgers and other more obvious
non-Orthodox habits of the sort. 
Therefore, he was very selective about which points of Jewish law he
chose to share, so as not to overburden or embarrass his constituents.
One of these Jews, unschooled in the meaning of kosher
altogether, took his fishy plate and proceeded to load up on delicious,
steaming cholent.  Another Jew, aware of
the issue, but not quite as sensitive as the Rabbi, and with truly sincere and
good intentions, maybe, honed in on said Jew and proceeded to inform him that
he must use a new plate for the cholent, as the original plate was fishy and
therefore violated the fish/meat combo custom.
The wise Rabbi, observing the debacle from afar, shook his
head in dismay.
And thus was the term “fishplating” born.
Granite countertop with cleaning spray and cups.
Uncategorized December 6, 2011

Dear Chanukah: I’m Offended

Dear Chanukah,

Hi. My name is Shavuos. Some people call me Shavuot. Many have never heard of me at all. I’m a pretty quiet holiday, so this outraged letter is really not my style. But honestly, things have just gone too far.

Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a REAL holiday. A Biblical one. I don’t like to flaunt my pedigree, but people just have to know these things. Like, the type of holiday you don’t drive on. You make kiddush on.  Y’know?

Chanukah, we can be friends and all. I like you. Your latkes rock and you sure know how to throw a party. Your theme is beautiful and your prayers contemporary and relevant. You’re a lot of fun and we actually have a lot in common. Dairy foods and all. But in some ways, we are so opposite. I’m a summer kind of thing and you’re a winter kind of thing. I’m really short and you’re… not. Is that any reason to show off?

I’m not really sure why you need to hang out in the middle of the mall decorated with gifts, starting from like November.  Really?? I think you’ve been hanging out with Christmas a little too much. Not that you asked, but you guys have nothing in common! Why are you always trying to upstage him? I know you share a birthday (sometimes). You’re not even related. Your themes are different, your customs are different. Lose the gifts, okay? It’s so not you. You’ve always been a gelt kind of guy. That means money – cash.  When did you become such a follower?

If anyone should be in the middle of the mall (which we shouldn’t) it should be us.  The threesome. The Three Major Holidays. And maybe especially me, the holiday of receiving and accepting the Torah! Where it all began!  You just seem to have forgotten your place. Me, Pesach (Passover) and Sukkot. Yep, it’s always been the three of us – no offense meant.

So why don’t you get out of the mall and do your job: fighting Jewish ignorance and apathy, and introducing people to us? It would suit you well. Oh, and by the way?  Figure out how to spell your name, because it’s becoming awfully confusing.

Looking forward to seeing you soon,

Shavuos
the forgotten holiday

Bowl covered with plastic wrap on counter.
Uncategorized December 5, 2011

The 5 Things I Wish All Orthodox People Knew

I was taken aback that my post on The Danger of Being Orthodox has, in two weeks, quickly climbed to being my third most widely read post since I began my blog back in July.  I’m not quite sure why that is, but the phenomenon, and its follow-up conversation that it engendered, What I’m Thinking When the Orthodox Make Headlines, have really got me thinking.  And I’ve decided to address this, then, to my fellow Orthodox men and women – of all stripes.

Hi guys.

So we’re all in this Ortho-boat together.  We have a lot in common.  And we also have our differences.  Sometimes enormous differences.  In fact, one could argue that the Jewish relationship to the world in general may parallel the relationship of the Orthodox to the Jewish community in general.  Another post for another day.  In any event, my specialty is public relations.  So communication is a must.  Here’s what you may already know.  Or maybe you know it but forget sometimes. Or maybe you have no idea.  I’d love to know which it is.  Ready?  Let’s go, in no particular order (but regular readers already knew that).

1. You are public.
You may be totally wired to the internet, or shun technology entirely (I personally have family members in both categories).  Either way, it is terribly important for you to know that, perhaps completely unbeknownst to you, your actions, decisions, insular school systems and social habits are being noted, observed and recorded.  Either by impartial journalists, judgmental bloggers, angry former Ortho-folk, or anyone.  Please don’t assume that anything you do is ever private.  Because it’s not.

2. Be a mensch.
Because you are Orthodox, people think you think you are better than others. You may truly think that, or you may not.  I don’t know.  But the best mitzvah/custom/spiritual rite you can perform is called “being a mensch.”  I did not make this up.  It’s all over our liturgy.  Also, everyone is looking for it.  “Those Orthodox… what good is it to keep kosher if you’re going to be rude on the airplane??”  When you keep the ritual stuff and aren’t a mensch, you make the ritual stuff look bad.  When you keep the ritual stuff and ARE a mensch, you make the ritual stuff look good.  It’s never been divisible, and now least of all.

3. Be proud of who you are.
Not proud as in arrogant or superior.  Proud as in take pleasure and joy in your different-ness.  There’s no need to be “just like everyone else.”  People truly respect those who live by their principles (as long as you’re a mensch…see #2).  Have a lot of kids?  Wear only skirts?  Need to do your praying?  Do it with joy, and unapologetically!  You do both yourself and your religion a disservice when you try to under-represent what you are.  It’s so awesomely cool to be Orthodox – and if you don’t feel that it is, that’s something to think about.  I have seen with my own eyes that proudly observant Jews garner respect (as long as you’re a mensch…see #2).

4. Keep learning.
Being brought up Ortho is not the end of the story.  You need a community, support, inspiration, and sources.  If you aren’t learning, you aren’t growing, and if you aren’t growing, you’re stagnating.  You don’t “arrive” till you reach the pearly gates – the journey keeps going.

5. Ask yourself if God is in your life.
This may sound ridiculously superfluous, but it’s not.  I’ve stated a number of times on this blog that being Orthodox does not equal having a relationship with God – and many times the folly of #2 lies precisely in this very area.  Do you talk to Him?  Do you ever ask yourself if He’s proud of you?  Do you feel His presence in good times and bad?  Do you think He loves you?  Do you love Him?  If it’s been awhile (or never) since these questions have been thought about, or better yet, talked about, there’s a problem.  You may be Orthodox, but what about being Jewish?

PS As a disclaimer, because I know the above can sound kind of preachy, I’d like to acknowledge the obvious.  I am a regular girl, far from perfect.  I am hyper-cognizant of the above, not because I am a superior specimen of Orthodoxy, but simply for three reasons:

One, I am married to an incredible human being, who is my teacher in so many things, and especially the above five.  And mostly, in the hugely important #2.  For that, I will forever be humbled and grateful.

Two, my experience in Jewish education and Jewish unity over the past 13 years have taught me a thing or two.  I’ve tried to learn from my own mistakes and from those of others.

And three, my parents, my siblings, my upbringing, and my schooling have given me such awareness in all of the above.  There is not enough gratitude in the world for the priceless gifts they have given me.

And finally, I’d love to hear from you.  What are your thoughts of the five?  What might your list look like?