“You’re not going to make it tonight? OH!
We’ll miss you. Okay, don’t
worry. Everything is basherte.”
We’ll miss you. Okay, don’t
worry. Everything is basherte.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to miss your wedding! My son just woke up with strep and there’s no
way I can leave town! What should I do –
everything is basherte.”
way I can leave town! What should I do –
everything is basherte.”
“What?? The freezer just
died, full of food! Well. Everything is basherte.”
died, full of food! Well. Everything is basherte.”
Basherte:
pre-destined; meant to
be. Usually used in reference to a
soul-mate, as in marriage, but also used to reference the Hand of Providence,
whether for the good or bad, that shapes every event in our lives. Some Jews prefer to call it karma…
be. Usually used in reference to a
soul-mate, as in marriage, but also used to reference the Hand of Providence,
whether for the good or bad, that shapes every event in our lives. Some Jews prefer to call it karma…
Here’s the beauty of basherte. When it’s your reality, it simply has the
power to take the wind of disappointment, regret, blame and anger right out of
your sails. When it’s the reality of
others in your life, it takes those emotions right out of their sails.
power to take the wind of disappointment, regret, blame and anger right out of
your sails. When it’s the reality of
others in your life, it takes those emotions right out of their sails.
Caution:
1.
It takes practice.
It takes practice.
2.
You can’t be a control freak or a micro-manager
and expect this to be easy.
You can’t be a control freak or a micro-manager
and expect this to be easy.
3.
You can’t make a dumb mistake and blame the
results on God.
You can’t make a dumb mistake and blame the
results on God.
People usually use the term “basherte” to describe a
wonderful, serendipitous event, where the Hand of God stirred the pot and
everything tasted wonderful upon completion.
That’s beautiful too.
wonderful, serendipitous event, where the Hand of God stirred the pot and
everything tasted wonderful upon completion.
That’s beautiful too.
But the real power of basherte is when you apply it to the
negative things that occur to you.
negative things that occur to you.
I am anticipating the question of why bad things happen to good
people. While that is a valid question, I
deal with it mainly in person only. I intend
here to address the instances referenced above: the inevitable and mundane
disappointments of daily lives.
people. While that is a valid question, I
deal with it mainly in person only. I intend
here to address the instances referenced above: the inevitable and mundane
disappointments of daily lives.
Have you ever experienced, in hindsight, the beauty of basherte? Seeing the Providence in what seemed like a
disappointment or negative occurrence?
disappointment or negative occurrence?
"I missed that bus by just one minute!!! how upsetting!! how frustrating!!!
well, it had to be basherte – one minute just had to be super-managed from on High.
oh, well. now I need to try to rearrange my priorities into Hashem's."
My husband taught me the term "basherte" on (I think) our second date! We were married about a year later and had our first baby 9 months after that. =)
I actually didn't know it had a meaning other than "soul mate" – but really we wouldn't have our babies if not for something "bad" that happened. Shortly before we were married my then-fiance was experiencing debilitating facial/head pain. He was going through all kinds of testing and there were some very scary instances where doctors were talking brain tumor. Thank God, that was not the case. In those very scary moments though we had some very long talks about not delaying what was important to us and we thought hey, we both want children more than anything, let's just "see what happens" once we're married. Like I said, 9 months after our wedding we had our first baby boy, and 20 months after that we had our second! If it weren't for all my husband's pain and the scary situations with the medical testing, our boys would probably not be here now (we have only been married a little over 3 years at this point).
I see these things happening in my life all the time. Nearly every "horrible" experience is something I can look back on as a necessary step to something amazing. I try to remember this when I am in a situation that I find less than ideal – everything happens for a reason. It sounds sort of trite when put like that, so I like basherte a lot better. =)
Shabbat Shalom!
Rena exactly!
Becca: wow. Just wow. Thank you for sharing that and shabbat Shalom!
Gam zu la tova! (I had to say it.)
Check out my post today on healthy Hannukah food.
http://healthygirlskitchen.blogspot.com/2011/12/links-for-latkas.html
I didn't used to be a big believer in the whole "bashert" thing, but nowadays, I'm more inclined in that direction. The way I got my current job seemed totally bashert, the way I found my rabbi and shul back in the US… heck, the way I found Judaism at all! Sometimes things just work out in a way that makes you look back and think, "Hmm, someone bigger than me must have been calling the shots there!"
On the other hand, I remember someone once talking with me about my father, who passed away when I was in high school and giving me the old, "Well, everything happens for a reason," line. That may be, and I can even agree that had my dad lived, my life might have turned out very differently, but while they meant well, trying to translate something that traumatic into a learning experience by saying "It's bashert"/"Gam zu la tova" really rubbed me the wrong way. All in the context of how you use it, I suppose, but I would encourage sensitivity; even if one believes that everything happens for a reason, talking to a college-aged kid about their dead parent may not be the best place to bring up that philosophy.
Wendy it was great!
Diplogeek: I think many of us have been the recipients of ill-place comments, but your experience is awful. The trick of sensitivity (which many people just plain old lack) is to apply these concepts to yourself; not to others. Thanks for sharing your experience.