If you think long skirts are all the rage, check out what’s goin’ on with the black fedora.
Why DO some Orthodox men favor these antiquated black fedoras, en masse? Is it a closet Michael Jackson thing? (Answer: no.)
There are a couple of ideas behind the black hat.
1. Historically, it has been considered a sign of respect and gentlemanliness to wear one’s hat. JFK supposedly was the first prez to appear at his inauguration sans hat, which was either way cool or rather blasphemous, depending on how old you were at the time.
2. There is a mystical notion in Jewish tradition that while a man should keep his head covered (with a yarmulke/kippah) at all times, to demonstrate visually that God is above him, he should actually wear a DOUBLE covering while praying/saying blessings. The hat worked nicely, since everyone wore them for formal appearances, so having a formal appearance with God fit right in.
3. The fedora emerged in recent years as a “uniform” of sorts with the “yeshiva” community – and thus became viewed by adherents as a badge of pride, similar to tzitzit (the fringes some men wear hanging from under their shirts). Ie, you can wear it, or you can wear it with pride.
I’ll focus for now on the last point.
The “yeshiva” community is a culture and lifestyle based on the notion that the center of a man’s/boy’s academic attention should be the yeshiva – an institution of almost full-time Talmudic study. (Why this is for men and not women will be the subject of a separate post.)
The largest yeshiva in the US is Beth Medrash Govoha (translation: Upper House of Study) in the city of Lakewood, NJ. Remember: NOT Lakewood, Ohio. You’ll be searching the 480 for awhile in vain for the black fedoras. An entire yeshiva community has arisen around the yeshiva, and the “uniform” for a guy would be white shirt, black pants/jacket, and… the ubiquitous black hat.
Other aspects of the lifestyle include a resistance to pop culture (ie, not getting People magazine or going to movies), an emphasis on modesty between men and women, a passion for prayer, Torah study, and acts of kindness within the community, and the importance of large families when possible.
Believe it or not, all this is expressed with the donning of the black fedora.
Any questions?
Love this. Can you expand on "the importance of large families when possible"? Why is this a Yeshivish concept? Where does it actually come from? Is it less birth control when possible, or more populating the world with Jews? Or neither?
midwestmama: It's not *exclusively* a yeshivish concept by any means (none of the facets of Jewish living I mentioned are), but it is *one* of the concepts that "yeshivish" folks champion. The reason for this is the mitzvah of "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth." Hence, birth control is meant to delay or space out kids once the family has begun, if the mental health of the mother needs it. So in answer to your question: both. Every Jewish soul that comes into the world is considered a precious gem, given as a sacred trust. Of course if someone has too many children than they can responsibly care for, there's a problem.
Ruchi, I greatly appreciate two topics that you brought up, both which I think can be construed as controversial: that birth control can be used to delay or space kids and if the mother needs time for mental health reasons and that children need reasonable and responsible care. The first, is interesting to me because it's not talked about in religious circles and I wonder how often a woman gets a heter from a rabbi to take birth control? In secular circles birth control is pressed on a girl as soon as she is ready for sex in the idea that she should protect herself if something happens. You only really hear of birth control in more frum circles if you are a kallah (bride) to not be niddah on your wedding day or in the circumstances you've mentioned – which you hear of far and few between. As to the second point, I agree. I know that many families are considering how many children they have because of the extreme cost of education and costs of living, but then there are others (maybe the more yeshivish crowd but I don't want to stereotype because others also have big families) who just want to procreate. I wonder if those with big families think about the consequences of having many children and the costs associated with it? I know in the Jewish community where I live there are a multitude of organizations that provide tzedakah for the poor in the community, of which there are many. I'm not sure of the solution, but I agree that there is a problem if the parents, and/or community can not care responsibly or reasonably for those being born. I just wonder how these large families afford tuition and the costs of food for such a large family.
Ruchi, I enjoy reading your blog and it has provided postive insights in the Orthodox community. One question on this topic that perplexes me is how can one woman take care of all her children in these large families? Does her husband help at all? I know he has responsibilities to study Torah. I have read that today more and more Orthodox men study at the Kollel all day instead of work, so the woman has to work to provide for the family. In this situation who takes care of the kids? Raising large families is very challenging. How does this really work out in the Orthodox community? I would appreciate your insight into this. Sandra
Interesting how the comments have gone towards larger families and away from the fedora!
In our case, we have two children. When we decided to have children, we were making enough money to be able to afford two children. Then, after the children were born (twins), my husband lost his job and has been "under" employed ever since (he's been looking, but we're not willing to leave Cleveland). Now we have no health insurance, and we won't be able to afford full tuition for the children we do have, so we're done. (I do work, but because both kids have special needs, it's been hard to work enough hours to be able to afford $1000+ for health insurance on top of the $5000+ in expenses per month we already have)
Some people do it that way– have what they can afford, and then stop. Others have actually said to me "have the children, HaShem will provide". My feeling is when HaShem is providing through other taxpayers money (if we were to have more children, my only option for health insurance would be to stop working so that we'd qualify for government health insurance), it's irresponsible of me to depend on that and my feeling is that HaShem wants us whenever possible to make our own way in this world and NOT depend on tzedakah.
I think it's wonderful when a man can learn full time in kollel and his wife can both make a full time income and take care of all the kids—- but I know from my own experience trying to work AND take care of children, that lifestyle is not for us! Many women put their young children in daycare in situations like that where the mom works full time.
JFK did wear a hat to his inauguration.
http://www.snopes.com/history/american/jfkhat.asp
@anon: What you don't "hear of" in yeshivish circles is not an indication of what does or does not exist. More stringent standards of modesty prevent one's birth control/ family planning considerations from becoming topics for general conversation – even among the girlfriends. This is the sort of topic that a woman/man/couple would bring up with a trusted mentor for advice and guidance. Questions like "Are you done?" or "Are you planning to have more kids?" have become perfectly normal in the larger society. In yeshivish circles? Far from normal! Those questions are totally inappropriate and uber-personal. (Of course, yeshivish folks should understand this difference when asked these questions and not take offense where none is meant!)
As far as Kollel goes, the vast majority of Kollel guys (which not all yeshivish people are to begin with) stay in kollel for just a few years (3,4,5 years, give or take) after marriage. Once the family starts growing and financial circumstances require a different plan, the average guy goes to work. It's only a select few that actually sit in kollel for the long term. The financial tipping point is different for everyone. Some are willing to make do with less so he can learn longer. Some find that they're not really coping with the lower standards or find that they're not motivated enough to give up on certain comforts or that they can't seem to make ends meet. It's all very individual. Whatever it is – any rabbi will tell you that you need to make practical choices that are realistic with your standards.
@heatheramyprice: Wow – twins! G-d bless you 🙂 I think your narrative illustrates an interesting point. At the time you decided to have the kids, you were in a different financial position than the one in which you currently find yourself. Really, this is the story of life. Things go up and down and we are NOT the ones who are really in control of all that – as much as we wish we were! So it comes down to making a responsible choice but then realizing that, at the end of the day, it's G-d who provides. If I'd have waited until I was "financially able to afford kids" by some others' standards, I'd probably not have my 3 (gorgeous, wonderful, inspiring) kids today. Can I afford them today? Probably not, if you asked your average financial analyst, but we make it work and G-d provides in one way or another so everyone's fed, clothed, schooled, and gets the occasional star wars figures and hello kitty glitter nail polish sets (no Wiis or ipods for us). I may never be able to afford kids – but I'll raise mine as best as I can despite that!
Best of luck to you with your two precious souls and may G-d provide so that you can raise them comfortably and with peace of mind, body and soul.
I agree that birth control is not discussed in a public forum but is certainly encouraged by very wise Rabbis when the woman can't handle more children for mental health or other reasons.
In America it is considered a blessing to have a lot of money, Judaism considers you more blessed if you have a lot of children- so of course having children is encouraged but not at the expense of the mother's mental health or other complex issues that may arise.
Today I notice something that had escape my curiosty all these years. I saw some Jewish males on the way to their worship services, Why were the older men fedoras squarely on the crown of their heads and the younger men all had theirs sitting on the back of their heads. what is the reasoning for this?
believe it or not, it is a little cooler to wear it back on the back of the head, hence the teen look. 🙂