Welcome back, OOTOB readers. With all the holidays over, the kids are back in school and I’m itching to blog regularly again!
Since so many interesting things have piled up over the past month, I decided to do another blog roundup for my first post back.
.png)
HAPPY 21ST ANNIVERSARY TO US
Firstly, happy anniversary to me and my wonderful husband (as one favorite commenter here calls him, Mr. Ruchi. We love that). We married 21 years ago October 18th on an absolutely magnificent fall day. I am supremely grateful for him and actually, he’s the support behind this blog and all the things I love to do. For my anniversary gift, I asked him for another year of being a great husband (together: AWW!). Don’t worry. I’m still angling for a trip to Florida too. I’m not THAT holy.
WHY RELIGIOUS JEWS ARE RACIST?
Next up, I found this really interesting piece about how people with Aspergers view the rest of us (nicknamed NTs, for “neurotypicals”). It really got me thinking about Jews who are racist, and especially why more religious Jews might be more racist. Sometimes racism is a response to discrimination, which is a result of being different – especially obviously different, as religious people are. Sometimes it’s a defense mechanism, to be okay with your different-ness. Tell me what you think.
POST-PARTUM PRACTICES
This is something I’ve long thought about. Why are women in America supposed to just bounce back after birth? The way I grew up, and even more so in more Chassidic families, a woman who gives birth is called a “kimpiturin” (that’s Yiddish) for six weeks, and is supposed to pamper herself and lay low and let others take care of her as much as possible. To be honest, I kind of chafed at this after awhile since I had easy births and was raring to go – but in retrospect, it’s a great invention, and a very necessary one. In the non-Orthodox world I see none of this. Women are out shopping and carpooling and getting dressed up so soon after birth (forget about going back to work). Living in Israel, I saw a much greater respect for the post-partum state than here in America. Why is this an Orthodox (and more Chassidic) thing? I have no idea. But there’s a definite difference.
HOW TO USE YOUR SMARTPHONE ON SHABBOS
This is just one big “oy” and falls into the same conceptual category as kosher bacos, kosher-for-Passover Cheerios, and kosher cheeseburgers (fake cheese, fake meat, or both). It’s a Shabbos app so you can use your smartphone on Shabbos. I’m going to artfully dodge the actual halachic issue, and go with the assumption that it’s technically “kosher” according to Jewish law. I have found, over and over again, that non-Orthodox people are usually more sensitive to “kosher loopholes” than the Orthodox. To be sure, there’s a huge outrage among the Orthodox community about this app, since it’s something new and, well, outrageous, and because the technology piece of Shabbos makes Shabbos observance more contemporary than ever. Everyone who’s anyone is recommending a tech-Shabbat. But I’ve found that in the less-obvious areas, especially food issues, non-Orthodox people are more likely to detect the problematic mindset in finding legal loopholes.
One could argue that those who live bound by halacha deserve and should celebrate the areas that they can find loopholes in – “easy for you to say” sort of thing, to the non-Orthodox. Others feel that Judaism is a relationship, an attitude, and that looking for loopholes in relationships does not a good relationship make. I myself adopt both attitudes, depending on the issue. I’m not a fan of the kosher cheeseburger thing, for example. But that’s for me. For others it’s important to eat what they can find permissibly, and it will make it easier for them to keep kosher properly in the long run.
So that’s all for now, folks. See you in the comment section!
Yay…..Ruchi is back! ( waves from across the Pond)….not that you were away; you know what I mean. I hope. Missed getting OOTOB in my inbox. Many congratulations to you and Mr Ruchi. Alex
🙂 thank you, Alex!
What is a smart phone that can be used on Shabbos? How does that work?
It's an app that you download that ostensibly circumvents some of the issues with using the phone on Shabbat.
More info here: "Designed by California resident Yitz Appel and a group of developers who describe themselves as “Orthodox Jews,” the Shabbos App promises to circumvent several halachic issues posed by the iPhone, including rising heat of the phone’s battery with usage, the prohibition against permanent writing, chimes that notify users of incoming texts and the phone’s screen lighting up when receiving or entering text messages.
The proposed solution: the app claims to keep the battery usage at a constant level, wipe all text at periodic intervals, and keep the screen permanently illuminated." (from http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/international/new-shabbos-app-creates-uproar-among-orthodox-circles)
I would not use the "kosher" app but I don't see a problem with bacos or consider them a loophole. If real bacon were dressed up to look like a soy product, it would still not be okay to eat. Kashrut is determined by what is in the food, not the superficial appearance of it. If someone doesn't want to eat bacos because they might look forbidden I see that as an extra stringency.
Would you not use the kosher app because it violates the spirit of Shabbos?
It's hard to say because I don't know much about how the app works. I have heard arguments that it violates more than just the spirit. I am used to not using any electronic devices on Shabat, so it would feel totally wrong–also it is nice to have a day with no devices so that's not something I would even try to change.
I guess you could reply that bacos are similarly violating a spirit, but I don't really think there's a spirit of bacon. 🙂
One of the arguments I have heard repeatedly for the use of the app is that teens are going to be texting anyway, and this at least avoids the halachic prohibitions. As a parent, I am deeply troubled by that justification. Why are parents and teachers abdicating their authority and enabling behavior they don't like? I know my three teens are better behaved than many, but if texting on Shabbat was a problem in my house, I would take away the phones at candle lighting time and return them at havdalah, not design software to sidestep the Torah prohibitions.The underlying message that people *have* to use their phones on Shabbat is disturbing. Guess what, people? Some of us survived an era before instant constant communication.
I think that avoiding technology on Shabbat has countless pragmatic and psychological benefits, aside from any metaphysical components.
I pay Verizon an extra $5/month to be able to set my teen's phone to go off automatically during times when I imagine she should be sleeping. Would that be against the Shabbat rules, i.e. if it's a computer program that I set up to do it automatically?
That would be totally fine, SBW. No different than setting a light on a timer. What a great feature to offer!
Miriambyk, I totally agree with you!! That said, if my child was struggling with religious identity in general, and going through a difficult time, I don't think I'd apply that tactic. But I sure wouldn't offer an app to help the process along. Hashkafah (general attitude/outlook) over halacha sometimes in such a case.
This is in the easier-said-than-done category, but if the Shabbos app is designed for teens who are addicted to texting, shouldn't the focus be on resolving and preventing the addiction? Shabbos aside, it's not good to be addicted to anything (except air, food, water, etc.).
I hold by the Conservative view that electricity is not really fire. Despite that, I don't use TV, phone, internet on Shabbat and I am working towards not using lights. Not using electronics and the internet is one of the most radical things that anyone can do to make Shabbat different. Walking everywhere, doing everything face to face, not relying actively on modern conveniences — it's a key part of what makes Shabbat feel different, given that most of us don't regularly engage with sowing, reaping, threshing, etc. That said, far me it from me to stop someone from developing something that makes life easier. What's wrong with ruling that something is permissible but perhaps not advisable? That option seems to be rarely exercised.
On racism, I don't know. Oppression can make you very sensitive to the oppression of others or it can make you a jerk. People go both ways. As Jews, I think we're obligated to take the first option and we should forcefully remind each other when we fail. I think insular communities tend to be more racist. Orthodox Jews and African Americans often live in close proximity but have very little contact. That tends to result in prejudice on both sides. If Orthodox rabbis were more clear that racism is forbidden, there would be less of it.
Americans do not love children. It's fine that people have children, but you should not expect me to pay for your children, care about your children, worry about your children. Your children are your problem. You should not expect to take off time from work. You should not expect any kind of special treatment. Is there anything Jewish about that attitude towards children? No.
Clearly, in this case we are right and America is wrong. And we should seek to teach America about how to value and cherish children rather than be influenced by our environment.
Who takes care of the older kids while the mom is a kimpeturin (whether at home or at SeaGate)? Often the grandmother is working herself. Paid babysitters?
Sdk, love that!! Interesting observations about America and children. I've never thought if it that way. Tesyaa, they farm the kids out among family and friends.
The only person I personally know who took a one-week maternity leave (from her job) was an Ortho friend, who had just had her 8th kid. And I'm not judging her for that. Anyway, no she's not chassidish.
I wouldn't judge her since I know nothing about her but I'm feeling very compassionate towards her for feeling the need to do that, whatever the reason. And it's not healthy.
The loophole thing is so interesting. I like your attitude of seeing both sides depending on the issue. There is a definitely a "spirit of the law" issue that is really the source that some see as the problem. I am definitely one who has a hard time understanding why it's okay for the machine (like an oven, say) to be programmed to go off, but it's not okay for someone (a Jew on Shabbat) to just press off, which is hard for me to see as "work" or "creation." But I know I can make myself crazy going through every example like that. But some of the fences, etc, is what keeps me from ultimately being shomer Shabbos 100%.
Right. I get that. There are some prominent rabbis who frown on loopholes (even eruv). For others, the question is, will this legal loophole enhance the general spirit of the law (like having warm food to enjoy on shabbos, or being able to take a walk with a baby stroller) or detract from it (texting on shabbos)?
Chasidim, who generally do not go for loopholes, are particular to utilize eruvs (which allow you to wheel baby strollers outside) since they postulate that it enhances community and family enjoyment of shabbos.
Not sure if my comment got lost or just took awhile for moderation. I said that insofar as Os take the "chosen people" thing very literally and tend toward self-isolation to various degrees, I can imagine that would lend itself to racist/self-aggrandizing attitudes. Ruchi has explained "light unto nations" as a matter of being exemplary and showing outstanding leadership. I can see how that could slide into self-aggrandizing.
Further: To describe racism/self-aggrandizing as either a response to persecution or a defense mechanism for being different is, in my view, about the most generous view one could have of the matter. It makes it seem like the human default would be seeing everyone as equally worthy and that way of looking at things somehow got distorted by persecution and defensiveness into racism. I don't believe this is the case–not just for Os, but for anyone. The belief that everyone is equally valuable and that no race/group/nation is superior is a pretty new one. Racism/self-aggrandizing seems to me to be the default, not just for Os but in general, and it requires a certain kind of education and social context to NOT end up with artificial divisions and fantasies of superiority.
SBW, I agree with you that the human default is racism/differentiation/ looking down at the Other. You are correct that the philosophy of innate equality is historically relatively modern, and it requires education and reinforcement. Overall it isn't treated as an important value in many O circles, so the default alienation and rejection of Others is reinforced and passed on.
You could even take it a step further and suggest that everyone feels "different" in some way (think back to the original Aspergers blog post I shared) and maybe thats why default mode is self-assertion, predicated on downgrading others. The lesson: you are different, and maybe there are aspects about you that are better (in the case of Aspies, intelligence) but don't go there anyway.
Interesting observations about how non-Os view the "loopholes" that Os use to make life easier. I guess from a non-O perspective the loopholes might seem so elaborate as to make you wonder why sticking to the letter of the law is so important. Like the string/fence eruv that makes it ok to carry stuff outside your house on Shabbat. Why is carrying a purse on this block NOT a violation of Shabbat but a few blocks over it would be? Doesn't the loophole show the absurdity of the rule?
But I ultimately see it as a phenomenon common to all sets of institutional rules. Cultures and institutions have rules and have loopholes. They evolve that way. We have tax laws, and we have loopholes–which does not mean in my view that we should go to a "simpler" across-the-board tax. People on Weightwatchers have rules, and there are loopholes. People who are into CrossFit have a set program for the day, and adjustments to make it possible for people with special needs to accomplish the program. I don't see O loopholes as much different than these–although I think Os themselves see them differently, namely that it is a matter of adhering to a metaphysical law and not (as I see it) an institutional one.
Interesting broadening of the trend there. I like that. The funny thing is we see ourselves how the loopholes are man-made and therefore unevenly applied (see what I wrote above about chasidim and eruv). It's even funny sometimes.
I think xenophobia is very often a psychological mechanism to cope with the difficulties of religious life. In the past, being Jewish meant risking pogroms and death. So to justify- even if not consciously- why they remain Jewish and continue to place themselves in danger, many Jews began focusing on how they are categorically better than their oppressors. If Jews are categorically better, why would I ever want to assimilate?
Now we don't have pogroms, but religious life is still difficult. Kosher food is expensive, tuition is expensive, having many kids is hard, walking around wearing black hats and taleisim is hard. So the justification continues. Why am I doing all this? It is so hard and expensive and sometimes embarrassing. Oh, yes. I do this because we are holy and special, better than the others.
I think it may be even simpler than that: Jews naturally didn't like the antisemites all around them. Who would like someone who hates you, makes it nearly impossible to earn a living, and occasionally tries to kill you? And the more insular Orthodox don't realize that the non-Jews aren't all out to get them anymore. Particularly as antisemitism is apparently increasing in much of the world and making headlines, they aren't likely to be convinced any time soon.
DG, is there a weird way that Jews might, however, appreciate anti-Semitism in some degree because it then justifies the self-aggrandizing or insularity? In other words, is there any investment by Jews (not just Os) in the existence of anti-Semitism because it helps with cohesiveness, identity and sense of purpose? I sometimes feel like there is a specific pleasure that Jews can get from stories and ideas of anti-Semitism. And maybe same for other groups–the persecution history and narrative yields some kind of perverse pleasure, sense of identity, sense of superiority even?
I suppose that any opposition to something can create an us-and-them mentality, and being "us" is a good feeling. But that's a far cry from liking antisemitism.
I didn't mean that anyone likes anti-Semitism. It's a controversial question, but I wanted to ask whether there is a certain pleasure or satisfaction in feeling persecuted (not just for Jews). This doesn't come close to outweighing or compensating for the misery and genuine effects of persecution. But maybe it does have certain "positive" effects with regard to one's sense of identity and cohesiveness. Being persecuted might lend a sense of meaning to the persecuted group, for instance.