Uncategorized Archives - Page 48 of 59

Uncategorized December 8, 2011

Fishplating

Once upon a time, there was a shul Kiddush. And at this shul Kiddush were both Orthodox
Jews and non-Orthodox Jews. Included on
the Kiddush buffet were gefilte fish, cholent, salads, crackers and dips. Yes, it was a very wonderful Kiddush.

Some of the Jews at the Kiddush had learned of the custom not to eat fish and meat together.
Others had not. The wise Rabbi
had not taught it, since it was a custom, and many people at the shul were
driving to shul on Shabbos and eating cheeseburgers and other more obvious
non-Orthodox habits of the sort.
Therefore, he was very selective about which points of Jewish law he
chose to share, so as not to overburden or embarrass his constituents.

One of these Jews, unschooled in the meaning of kosher
altogether, took his fishy plate and proceeded to load up on delicious,
steaming cholent. Another Jew, aware of
the issue, but not quite as sensitive as the Rabbi, and with truly sincere and
good intentions, maybe, honed in on said Jew and proceeded to inform him that
he must use a new plate for the cholent, as the original plate was fishy and
therefore violated the fish/meat combo custom.

The wise Rabbi, observing the debacle from afar, shook his
head in dismay.

And thus was the term “fishplating” born.

Granite countertop with cleaning spray and cups.

Uncategorized December 6, 2011

Dear Chanukah: I’m Offended

Dear Chanukah,

Hi. My name is Shavuos. Some people call me Shavuot. Many have never heard of me at all. I’m a pretty quiet holiday, so this outraged letter is really not my style. But honestly, things have just gone too far.

Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a REAL holiday. A Biblical one. I don’t like to flaunt my pedigree, but people just have to know these things. Like, the type of holiday you don’t drive on. You make kiddush on. Y’know?

Chanukah, we can be friends and all. I like you. Your latkes rock and you sure know how to throw a party. Your theme is beautiful and your prayers contemporary and relevant. You’re a lot of fun and we actually have a lot in common. Dairy foods and all. But in some ways, we are so opposite. I’m a summer kind of thing and you’re a winter kind of thing. I’m really short and you’re… not. Is that any reason to show off?

I’m not really sure why you need to hang out in the middle of the mall decorated with gifts, starting from like November. Really?? I think you’ve been hanging out with Christmas a little too much. Not that you asked, but you guys have nothing in common! Why are you always trying to upstage him? I know you share a birthday (sometimes). You’re not even related. Your themes are different, your customs are different. Lose the gifts, okay? It’s so not you. You’ve always been a gelt kind of guy. That means money – cash. When did you become such a follower?

If anyone should be in the middle of the mall (which we shouldn’t) it should be us. The threesome. The Three Major Holidays. And maybe especially me, the holiday of receiving and accepting the Torah! Where it all began! You just seem to have forgotten your place. Me, Pesach (Passover) and Sukkot. Yep, it’s always been the three of us – no offense meant.

So why don’t you get out of the mall and do your job: fighting Jewish ignorance and apathy, and introducing people to us? It would suit you well. Oh, and by the way? Figure out how to spell your name, because it’s becoming awfully confusing.

Looking forward to seeing you soon,

Shavuos
the forgotten holiday

Bowl covered with plastic wrap on counter.

Uncategorized December 5, 2011

The 5 Things I Wish All Orthodox People Knew

I was taken aback that my post on The Danger of Being Orthodox has, in two weeks, quickly climbed to being my third most widely read post since I began my blog back in July. I’m not quite sure why that is, but the phenomenon, and its follow-up conversation that it engendered, What I’m Thinking When the Orthodox Make Headlines, have really got me thinking. And I’ve decided to address this, then, to my fellow Orthodox men and women – of all stripes.

Hi guys.

So we’re all in this Ortho-boat together. We have a lot in common. And we also have our differences. Sometimes enormous differences. In fact, one could argue that the Jewish relationship to the world in general may parallel the relationship of the Orthodox to the Jewish community in general. Another post for another day. In any event, my specialty is public relations. So communication is a must. Here’s what you may already know. Or maybe you know it but forget sometimes. Or maybe you have no idea. I’d love to know which it is. Ready? Let’s go, in no particular order (but regular readers already knew that).

1. You are public.
You may be totally wired to the internet, or shun technology entirely (I personally have family members in both categories). Either way, it is terribly important for you to know that, perhaps completely unbeknownst to you, your actions, decisions, insular school systems and social habits are being noted, observed and recorded. Either by impartial journalists, judgmental bloggers, angry former Ortho-folk, or anyone. Please don’t assume that anything you do is ever private. Because it’s not.

2. Be a mensch.
Because you are Orthodox, people think you think you are better than others. You may truly think that, or you may not. I don’t know. But the best mitzvah/custom/spiritual rite you can perform is called “being a mensch.” I did not make this up. It’s all over our liturgy. Also, everyone is looking for it. “Those Orthodox… what good is it to keep kosher if you’re going to be rude on the airplane??” When you keep the ritual stuff and aren’t a mensch, you make the ritual stuff look bad. When you keep the ritual stuff and ARE a mensch, you make the ritual stuff look good. It’s never been divisible, and now least of all.

3. Be proud of who you are.
Not proud as in arrogant or superior. Proud as in take pleasure and joy in your different-ness. There’s no need to be “just like everyone else.” People truly respect those who live by their principles (as long as you’re a mensch…see #2). Have a lot of kids? Wear only skirts? Need to do your praying? Do it with joy, and unapologetically! You do both yourself and your religion a disservice when you try to under-represent what you are. It’s so awesomely cool to be Orthodox – and if you don’t feel that it is, that’s something to think about. I have seen with my own eyes that proudly observant Jews garner respect (as long as you’re a mensch…see #2).

4. Keep learning.
Being brought up Ortho is not the end of the story. You need a community, support, inspiration, and sources. If you aren’t learning, you aren’t growing, and if you aren’t growing, you’re stagnating. You don’t “arrive” till you reach the pearly gates – the journey keeps going.

5. Ask yourself if God is in your life.
This may sound ridiculously superfluous, but it’s not. I’ve stated a number of times on this blog that being Orthodox does not equal having a relationship with God – and many times the folly of #2 lies precisely in this very area. Do you talk to Him? Do you ever ask yourself if He’s proud of you? Do you feel His presence in good times and bad? Do you think He loves you? Do you love Him? If it’s been awhile (or never) since these questions have been thought about, or better yet, talked about, there’s a problem. You may be Orthodox, but what about being Jewish?

PS As a disclaimer, because I know the above can sound kind of preachy, I’d like to acknowledge the obvious. I am a regular girl, far from perfect. I am hyper-cognizant of the above, not because I am a superior specimen of Orthodoxy, but simply for three reasons:

One, I am married to an incredible human being, who is my teacher in so many things, and especially the above five. And mostly, in the hugely important #2. For that, I will forever be humbled and grateful.

Two, my experience in Jewish education and Jewish unity over the past 13 years have taught me a thing or two. I’ve tried to learn from my own mistakes and from those of others.

And three, my parents, my siblings, my upbringing, and my schooling have given me such awareness in all of the above. There is not enough gratitude in the world for the priceless gifts they have given me.

And finally, I’d love to hear from you. What are your thoughts of the five? What might your list look like?

Election aftermath text on textured background.

Uncategorized December 1, 2011

Do Women Want to Be in the Kitchen?

Freshly arrived back in Cleveland, I was 25 and revved to go. With my husband newly installed as a rabbi and educator, I set forth to create programs and classes to complement his work.

Ever mindful of the “barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen” thing, I (pregnant with #4) doggedly kept my shoes on and avoided any kitchen-talk like the plague.

I created book clubs, organized talks on relationships, and offered philosophy.

And people asked for challah baking, recipes, and Kosher kitchen tips.

Did the Food Network make the kitchen trendy? In a radical pendulum-swing, did people who liked the kitchen make the Food Network trendy? *scratches head in confusion*

Just let me know when I can kick off my shoes.

Uncategorized November 29, 2011

What Friday Feels Like

When you are Shabbat-observant/Shomer Shabbos, Friday is a Big Deal.

Everything that you can’t do on Shabbat, you have to complete by sundown. The candles are lit typically 18 minutes before sundown to build in a buffer and make sure you don’t light too late – because creating fire is one of the main things we don’t do on Shabbat. So, the rush is on!

FOOD: All the food gets cooked prior to Shabbat. So Friday smells great. Challah, chicken, soup, or whatever is on the menu smells awesome as it preps – all must be ready by sundown. It can be kept warm over Shabbat, but not cooked.

PEOPLE: We shower and change prior to Shabbat, as though to prepare for an honored guest – which we are. Torah literature likens the arrival of Shabbat to the arrival of a queen. The early kabbalists actually danced out in the field and composed songs and poems to welcome her presence. So Friday sounds like this: “Hurry! Did you shower yet?? Well, I need to get in! Let’s go! Don’t use up all the hot water! Who wants to give the baby a bath??” etc. As far as clothes: “Have you seen my skirt? It’s at the cleaners! You didn’t pick it up?? Can I borrow your shoes? Where’s my necklace? Did someone borrow my mascara? You didn’t return it! Has anyone seen my tie??” No, we don’t live in a dysfunctionally disorganized home – Shabbat is coming.

HOUSE: Goal: house to be spotless before Shabbat. Many of my friends, even those whom are on a super-tight budget, get cleaning help on Friday – to make the house beautiful for the arrival of Shabbat. Either way, it’s a vacuum-wash kitchen floors-put away laundry-sponge down counters-get rid of all dishes day. By the time Shabbat arrives, the house looks great. Till someone changes it. 🙂

TIME: It’s an hour to Shabbat. “Let’s go! Candle-lighting is in an hour!”
TIME: Half hour to Shabbat. Everyone is fresh and clean. The clothes are fresh and clean. The candles are waiting. The table is (usually) set. The food is warming in the oven. The house looks beautiful.
TIME: Candle-lighting (early in winter, late in summer). I take the match and gather my family around. I light the candles – two for Shabbat, plus one for each of my children. I cover my eyes, say the blessing, and add my own prayers. For us, for our kids, for those in my life that need prayer. For the Land of Israel. For my friend’s kid. I uncover my eyes, and give each of my children a hug. My husband goes to services along with any of the children that wish to accompany him.

THE COUCH: I plop on it. My kids who are home plop on it. We read, pray, chill and chat.

Shabbat has arrived.

Have you ever experienced the Friday Rush?

Uncategorized November 28, 2011

How I Learned Yiddish

“Yiddish is written and spoken in a number of Orthodox Jewish
communities around the world, although there are also many Orthodox
Jews who do not know Yiddish. It is a home language in most Hasidic
communities, where it is the first language learned in childhood, used
in schools and in many social settings. Yiddish is also the academic
language of the study of the Talmud according to the tradition of the
great Lithuanian Yeshivohs.”

Thus opines the Great Wikipedia.

Well, I was one of those Orthodox Jews who didn’t know Yiddish. And boy, did it bother me. Firstly, when the adults used it as their “secret language.” Secondly, when they laughed uproariously at a joke that was “funnier in Yiddish” (this was perhaps my first introduction to FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out, that still afflicts me today). Thirdly, when my Hungarian grandmother expressed her disappointment at my Yiddish ignorance.

Back to the GW:

“Yiddish (ייִדיש yidish or אידיש idish, literally “Jewish“) is a High German language of Ashkenazi Jewish origin, spoken throughout the world. It developed as a fusion of German dialects with Hebrew, Aramaic, Slavic languages and traces of Romance languages.[2][3] It is written in the Hebrew alphabet.”

Nice, GW, but you don’t address the burning question: why perpetuate Yiddish at all?

Well, many feel that one shouldn’t. That it’s the language of the ghetto, of the past, the opposite of progress. Others perpetuate it for those very reasons – it clings to our past, our Ashkenazi history, the faith of the past. Yet others reject it as a culture but consider it to be valuable history. This, my friends, highlights quite the fault line among Jews today – to cling to the past, or to shake it off and move forward? And then there are those that have one foot on each tectonic plate: move forward, but hang onto the past. (An interesting exercise: see if you can determine where you stand, then ask someone with different ideologies from yours where you stand.)

In any event, my brothers, being members of the “great Lithuanian Yishevohs (sic),” did understand that elusive, funny, secret language. Fortunately, so did my husband. So we made a pact: each night at dinner, we’d spend 5 minutes conversing exclusively in Yiddish.

Lesson #1:
Q. How do you say “how do you say” in Yiddish?
A. Vi zugt men…
[This was the critical lesson that enabled all future lessons.]

Lesson #2:
Q. Vi zugt men potatoes?
A. Kartuffluch.

etc.

Fortunately, two things were working in my favor. Firstly, I had heard enough Yiddish swirling around my head as a child to have some rudimentary familiarity with the basics. Also, my husband spoke Yiddish with a decided, um, American accent and dialect (ich vill essen broit mit peanut butter – I think I’ll have some bread with peanut butter) that assisted my linguistic skills considerably, and wasn’t I pleasantly surprised to discover that peanut butter was a Yiddish term.

And wasn’t my lovely grandmother delighted to learn that her second-generation American granddaughter had kept the chain of Yiddish proficiency alive.

And now we can laugh at the same jokes. Success.

Uncategorized November 25, 2011

Black Friday

“He who has 100, wants 200” (Ecclesiastes*).
*Yes, that’s part of the Old Testament.
Q. 100 what?? Dollars? Gadgets? Jelly Bellies?
A. Yes.
Proof: Black Friday.
Shabbat Shalom.