Every Friday night at Shabbat dinner, my family does something hard – and very cool.

We checkpoint our speech.

See, I’ve mentioned a few times on this blog that Jewish tradition has a lot to say about what we say – and what we shouldn’t say.  Some of the things we shouldn’t say are words of gossip, anger, false flattery, and sarcasm – even if the words are true.  Interesting how in American law “libel” or “slander” are prosecutable only if false. But in Judaism, they are condemned even if true.  Perhaps, especially if true – due to the damage caused to the subject.

So we’re supposed to watch our speech all the time (gulp).  But sometimes, when we want to curry extra favor with God, we do something extra special, and choose a finite period of time – say an hour or two each day or week – to be extra vigilant, in the merit of a loved one that needs healing or wishes to find that special someone or perhaps become a parent.  Or in the memory of a loved one that has passed.  It’s called a “machsom l’fi” [pronounced MACH (as in Bach, the composer) some (rhymes with “foam”) l’FEE] which literally translates to “checkpoint for the mouth.”

A year ago, two lovely young women were diagnosed with cancer – one is a little 2-year-old daughter of a good friend, and the other is a 41-year-old friend suffering from a recurrence.  We decided to do a machsom l’fi each Friday night at Shabbat dinner, for one hour.  I promoted it on Facebook and many of my friends decided to do so as well, each in our own homes.  I know some are still doing it – we sure are.

If conversation wanders into questionable waters, one of us will inevitably remind the others that we are “in the middle of a machsom!”  Or we’ll check our watches to see when we can share the juicy tidbit to make sure we are keeping the hour correctly.

After kiddush, I introduce the hour with a short Hebrew formula.  The translation is:

I hereby accept upon myself, without actually taking a vow, to be careful of words of gossip, slander, anger, and false flattery, whether by speaking, hearing, believing, or writing, from now and for one hour, in the merit that the following may experience a complete healing [here I insert their names in Hebrew and their mothers’ Hebrew names] among all the other sick members of Israel, amen.

It is so encouraging that though I am quite helpless in the face of illness, this is something I can do in the spiritual sphere – and at the same time elevate this special time with my family by raising our conversation and our awareness of respect for others to a higher level.

Have you ever joined a machsom l’fi?