In a fabulous business book about sticky ideas, the authors propose that you need to get past the curse of knowledge. Meaning, if you are a car mechanic, and a totally car-ignorant customer comes with a problem, and you use all your industry jargon on her which is completely over her head, you’ve totally lost your customer.
Try to understand what it’s like to not understand. I encounter the curse of knowledge all the time, having been born, raised, and acculturated Orthodox. I don’t really KNOW what it’s like to not KNOW what it’s like to be Orthodox. And vice versa! See, this is why we need each other’s help so badly. That’s how we’ll get past the curse of knowledge.
In my opinion, the biggest difference we have is not ideology. It’s culture. This is encouraging to me, because approaching the gap this way makes it a lot easier to close. Example: when I moved from Israel to Buffalo Grove, Illinois (more on BG later), I had no idea that some Jews celebrated Halloween and Valentine’s Day. Nor that birthdays were regarded as an enormous event. I wasn’t judging anyone who did – it was just very, very new to me. Now I understand that Jews don’t celebrate Halloween because they believe in paganism. It’s a cultural thing. This makes me happy. And when momma is happy, everybody be happy.
I love it! Also, reminds me of when Rachel and I would talk in our "music language" during rehearsal. 🙂 I also had to learn how to communicate musically without all my fancy terms. Difficult, but a very important (and positive) experience. Love the blog. Love.
This is such a critical concept!! One of the most important skills I learned in medical school was how to translate medical-speak for my patients. In my head I think "dysmorphic" but I say "His face looks different than usual" I never expect my patients to understand at the same level what I spent years learning– why do I feel badly that when I read a shul's weekly email that I don't understand so much of what's written? I should be as understanding of myself as I am of my patients and their families- learning takes time. I am lucky to have some good teachers who translate for me!
Rivki, that's true, but for me it was always an opportunity to learn. Thanks for your positive words 🙂
Ilene: I'm happy to hear that that's the kind of doc you are – unfortunately, many are not! When I am in a class and I hear people using Hebrew/Yiddish terms that are incomprehensible to others, I cringe, because people are intimidated in the first place, and that only reinforces it.
I am seriously laughing out loud right now. Not LOLing. Laughing out loud! "When Mama is happy, everybody be happy." This is a side of you I have not previously known and I'm liking what I'm reading.
Thanks Wendy! Which side is that??? I thought you knew me pretty well!
I've read the book/s you refer too – and I'm in the 'business' of knowledge and yes jargon gets in the way. I agree too that culture gets in the way. As I've said in a different post, I was brought up traditional, but not Orthodox. But my husband was brought up the 'O' word. Do we sometimes have cultural divides and differences of opinions because of our different backgrounds. Oh yes. But oh yes, those differences and those conversations help move us forward and understand each other's families.
Totally relating to this post, here! I hate the divide that exists automatically because of cultural differences. And hearing Jewish jargon in lectures makes me cringe, too…
Speaking of Halloween, does anyone actually celebrate its pagan roots? A year ago we moved to a gated community that takes its Halloween celebration VERY seriously. I must say – my kids had a blast raking in the candy (checking for kosher symbols first, of course). They didn't dress up or anything but EVERYONE on the block was outside, and the older folks were seated on the curb in folding chairs to hand out the junk food. Was I supposed to keep my own kids locked in the house? Thoughts?
Don't know why I just found this post that I missed before!
I agree, part of the divide is cultural – but only part (kapparot comes to mind 🙂 ). I really do believe the other part of the divide is ideological. It is not the curse of knowledge, it is different ideology and beliefs.
There are certain customs in Orthodoxy that I am fully aware of and I know why they are done, but I am ideologically opposed to because of my own beliefs about revelation and obligation which differ from Orthodox ideology.
I most certainly DO NOT judge – I respect my Jewish brothers and sisters of all flavors and their right to believe in their own ideology and theology and act accordingly. I do not believe one of us has more or better access to God or olam ha-bah. But I do think these differences create a gap which is not possible to bridge – but I think that's ok. It doesn't mean we have to stay away from each other. It just means we have to work a little harder to attain understanding and respect amongst our various peoples.
Leah, I agree that YOU fall into that category. And our relationship is characterized by just that: we're very similar culturally, vastly different ideologically, highly committed to Shalom and mutual respect, and it works.
But I stand by my assertion that for most Jews, it just ain't so. Most Jews that I meet possess neither the knowledge base nor the education or Jewish confidence to even have an ideology.
Ask your average young Jew on the street what denomination they consider themselves, and what is the ideology of their denomination. Likely his response will range from shaky to confused.
Hence my point: the divide is more cultural than ideological, since most Jews are simply not in possession of clear ideology at all.
Would love your thoughts.