Of course, I always knew what a JAP was. She was tall, beautiful. She lived in New York. Maybe New Jersey. She had a closet full of designer clothing and accessories that had always been casually purchased just this year. Her parents redid her room, oh, every so breezy now and then with custom built-ins. She knew what was in before anyone else did; in fact, it seemed that she created trend by virtue of oh-so-nonchalantly wearing it.
Here’s what I didn’t know: she had a nose job. And maybe some other, er, “work.” She was bratty. Hard to live with. Uncaring of first-world problems, let alone any other kind. She threw tantrums well past the age of two.
Here’s what else I didn’t know. Her father was short and balding. Nebbish. Neurotic. Attached to his mother. Had a bizarre, schmalty sense of humor. Couldn’t say no to her if he tried. Her mother? More complicated than years of therapy could fix. Overpowering. Guilt-inducing. Helicoptering to the most severe degree. Had apron strings that made Alcatraz look chilled. Embarrassingly loud and flamboyant.
See, I hadn’t ever met these people. No one ever told me they existed. Until Hallmark.
My friends and I used to frequent the mall that was practically in my backyard pretty much each Sunday afternoon. With our hard-earned babysitting money, we’d shop or just browse. At Hallmark, my young teen self came across an intriguing book: “The Big Book of Jewish Humor.” Or something like that. I figured it would be full of plays-on-words with Hebrew or jokes about latkes. Alas, I was about to meet My Big Fat Neurotic Jewish Family.
Jokes upon jokes that I didn’t get about Jewish mothers, guilt, nebbish men, and JAPs. I had no idea who these people were. Were they my people? Where did they live? Where were they hiding? How come everyone seemed to know about them besides me?
Was it about growing up Orthodox and pretty much shielded from much of the media? Is there some kind of inversely proportional relationship between growing up amid rich spiritual Judaism and extensive education, and knowledge or identification with classic modern Jewish stereotypes?
My friend Dr. Samantha Baskind authored a fascinating piece on “The Fockerized Jew” – an analysis of the “coolness” of Jews in the media as a fairly recent occurrence, based on the offerings of Woody Allen, Barbara Streisand, Seinfeld, and most recently, the Fockers. I read the extensive essay with fascination, not just because she is a brilliant writer, but because, well, I never knew Jews were uncool in the first place.
Woody Allen? Classic Jew? Are you kidding??
Did you identify with these Jewish stereotypes? Did they align with real-world Jews you knew?
Can you post a link to the article? I'd love to read it!
And, as to your questions, I totally didn't identify with these stereotypes. I never understood the point of being Jewish except within a religious framework. There were a few girls I went to camp who looked like that (but to a much lesser degree…), and I stayed far away from them. Not. My. Type.
I linked it in the post – check it out. Long, but very interesting. As far as your comment "I never understood the point of being Jewish except within a religious framework," that is what I found myself thinking when I went to Israel for the first time. It was so hard for me to understand why Jews who didn't believe in God or approach Israel from a spiritual perspective, would want to live there.
I have relatives who are like this. My mother is loud and embarrassing. My father is nerdy and bald. Some of my high school friends were posh.
This post and the comments make me sad- I'm not sure why we need to put them down.
Anonymous, I'm sure people of many cultures and faiths encounter this. STEREOTYPING, denigrating, and exaggerating the personas is what hurts.
Interesting about that article (can't find it online though). In the show Rookie Blue (http://www.globaltv.com/rookieblue/index.html) there is a character named Dov Eptsein. Clearly Jewish, clearly blending in. (relationships with non Jews for example). I thought it was interesting that they chose a name so very Jewish sounding, and made a character that is so completely blended in to the rest of the cast.
Hannah
The article is password-protected by the publisher, but I'm working on getting a link. Meanwhile, thanks, both of you for your thoughts.
Dov Epstein, indeed!
Article is now linked in blog.
There are elements of 'cultural Judaism', for lack of a better word, that I do identify with. Number one would be 'Jewish humor'. I realize it is not Jewish in the O or metaphysical sense, but I mean an ironic, clever, sharp-observing, self-deprecating humor that is in some weird way Jewish. If only because it has been made famous and popular by Jewish entertainers. Or maybe it is related to the actual religious tradition, e.g. the detailed debates over fine points of Scripture; or from the long history of being outsiders. I don't know.
To be able to laugh, and make others laugh, is to me a hugely admirable talent and gift. Jews have done a great job with this, at least in our culture. I am proud of that, this is one thing that does make me a 'proud Jew', although obviously not in the sense you have cited.
It's so funny (ha) that you mention humor. I, too, consider humor a "Jewish" way to cope with the ups and downs of life. In fact, us religious folk make lots of jokes about our religiousness and I sometimes wonder if other religious groups (Catholics, devoted Muslims) do the same. If anyone has inside info here, I'd be super-interested in hearing it.
But the *kinds* and nature of the jokes that are considered "Jewish" in the American entertainment world, not only do I not think are funny, I don't even get them. I feel like a would-be convert who's on the outside looking in, only I'm not so sure I want in anymore. When I see a youtube clip of Woody Allen, I'm like, "Who is he? Do people actually think this is funny? Do people actually think this is Jewish?"
Cringe. Stomach-ache.
Regarding the question of other religious groups, here's a story: I spent some time at an international institute. Lots of meals with everyone all together. Very quickly it became clear that when the Jews (just a few American types like me) and the middle-easterners/south Asians (so various kinds of not-very-observant Muslim and Hindu) sat together, we were the ones SCREAMING with laughter while the rest carried on sober, intellectual conversations. That Jewish-middle-Eastern circle got pretty close, just around the shared appreciation for making each other laugh. And I definitely knew who I wanted to sit with for a fun meal.
Granted all the Jews and Muslims involved ranged from non-observant to sort-of-observant. But I was impressed with how mercilessly and hilariously they made fun of themselves and each other, including their religions. My somewhat observant Sunni Pakistani friend totally teasing a non-observant Shiite Iranian. Both of them bringing the rest of us to tears teasing a Hindu Indian guy. And they made plenty of fun of 'their own'.
And then very quietly, at the most special Indian and Iranian holidays, the Pakistani friend secretly arranged for all the kids living at the institute to make a little candle-lit procession at dessert and bring in beautiful flowers or special culturally appropriate sweets. Totally beautiful and touching.
Don't know if this applies to more observant Muslims and Hindus, but I felt like it was 'cultural' in general. In fact I wonder if the Jewish humor thing is in part a sort of blend of middle-eastern levity and European (diasporic) observational skills.
I think your multi-cultural vantage point affords some fascinating perspective. (The visual of the Jews howling with laughter, btw… love it!)
Growing up in a mordern orthodox community, I think these stereotypes are much less foreign. The media exposure definitely helped, but I think it was also that there was a little bit of truth to all the jokes. Obviously not to the same extremes, but I knew girls who had nose jobs, overbearing mothers, husbands who seemed pretty nerdy because they were obedient to their wives and or mothers. And don't forget the mothers who aspired for their sons to be doctors, lawyers or pulpit rabbis or anything highly intellectual. That was almost universal. Again, it wasn't as extreme, but stereotypes usually evolve for a reason…I think you just grew up in a different world with different stereotypes…
Yes. I don't find that surprising. And now you've certainly got me thinking. Other than my classic Jewish Hungarian grandmother, I'm not sure what stereotypes I grew up with. Can stereotypes survive without media propagation?
I didn't grow up in America so my experiences of cultural Judaism were slightly different. What I do suspect, though is that the stereotypes are also very much generational: borscht-belt humour, mothers-in-law with strong yiddish accents, neuroses etc are probably something to do with that post-holocaust generation and the new people growing up Jewish today have less and less to do with that. The things that my in-laws in their 70's identify with as being really Jewish, finding really funny and familiar are not going to resonate at all with their very secular grandchildren aged under 10 years. How long will it be before no one has a bubby with a Hungarian accent?
Right. I agree. Which is why maybe my culture was so different from that of the "typical" American Jewish scene, that the personalities it gave rise to were different. When my kids' schools or camps do plays, they certainly rely on the Hungarian bubby for humor, and I, like you, find myself wondering how long that will last…
But I see that they've also discovered newer avenues of Jewish Orthodox life for humor. One is the "overly religious" figure – not in a mean way, but in a self-deprecating way. Also, the "matchmaking scene" is used for humor, in the lengths people will go to do research about one another – again, in a light way. Finally, a common humor theme I see is the clash of cultures – ie, Israeli with American, Sephardi with Ashkenazi, Hungarian bubby with American grandkid – and the humorous misunderstandings that arise thereby.
Great post, growing up orthodox but knowing about the fact that non-observant Jews exist and live Jewish lives a bit differently, it always bothered me tremendously how Jcharacters with Jewish surnames were portrayed on tv shows, indeed, they did not represent any typical Jewish anything.
I clicked on the link but it did not work, it seems like an interesting article, can you look into why that is(link removed perhaps)?
Thanks, Pragmatician. Welcome back. Working on the link. Thanks for letting me know. It worked for me when I tested it, but I realized belatedly only because it's linked to my google account.
Got it now, thanks!
Oh, I hate those cultural Jewish stereotypes that I almost never experienced to be true. One of my "favorites:" the jokes about Jews being cheap and trying to get everything for free, and that there are 2 luchos because they were free so the Jews said great give us 2, etc.. I don't see that Jews are that much cheaper and look more for a bargain than non Jews do. And I especially hate it when frum Jews make those jokes about ourselves.
ME TOO. Ugh. I do, by the way, think Jews are more likely to look for a bargain but I don't consider that a negative. The jokes bother me a lot, more so when Jews tell them than even non-Jews.