I’d like to welcome a very special friend, my Yetzer Hara. Her name is somewhat unusual but it means “bad heart” so that sort of explains everything. YH is literally a part of me, that’s how close we are. You know when you have a friend where like you finish each others’ sentences? Don’t know where one ends and the other starts? Can’t even remember a time when you didn’t know each other? Yup, that’s us. I’m going to guess each of you has a YH in your life. If you do, count your blessings.
OOTOB: Welcome, YH. Can you describe the nature of your friendship with Ruchi?
YH: Thanks so much for having me. I usually get somewhat of a bad rap in the Orthodox world and it’s really refreshing to have the opportunity to speak my mind.
To answer your question, I couldn’t even truly separate myself from her. I’m kind of like the yin to her yang. I should probably ask if that’s kosher to say here but that’s my job – not to care. I’m here to stir up the pot.
Point is, I’m here to make life difficult. Listen, it’s not a fun job but someone’s got to do it. The pay is pretty good but the PR stinks.
OOTOB: I see. What are your personal beliefs about religion?
YH: You would imagine that someone as snarky and wily as me would be a skeptic or cynic or epicurean or whatever those other options were. And I put on this “tough-guy” exterior all the time, challenging everything and making everyone’s life difficult.
But actually my relationship with God is extremely real and deep. I’m kind of like an agent of His, like an ambassador. I know that’s sort of goofy to admit and I feel sort of stupid saying this publicly.
The weird thing is, whenever Ruchi talks about how annoying I am, she smiles about it. I don’t really get that. It makes me wonder if I’m doing my job right. If I’m so transparent, am I irrelevant? It just make you realize you can never chill in this industry. Kind of like in “Who Moved my Cheese.”
OOTOB: What are some of your thoughts coming into the new year?
YH: This is absolutely busy season for me. I am working overtime here. Everyone’s so rosy these days, with thoughts of forgiveness, resolutions, blah blah blah. It’s a tough game.
October is my vacation.
I have the calendar in my favor this year, though. School just started so everyone’s stressed out, which is a huge help, and of course I can always rely on kvetching about cooking. Especially when it’s still hot out and everyone would rather be at the pool.
But it’s not so hard to get people to kvetch in general. That’s my strongest direct technique. I don’t call it that, of course. Bad marketing. I call it “venting.”
OOTOB: What’s your biggest obstacle?
YH: Prayer is both my best friend and my worst enemy. Friend, because so many people struggle with it so the discomfort works hugely in my favor. Enemy, because as soon as someone figures out a way to talk to God in a way that works for them, I’m cooked. The reflection centers them and reminds them that I’m basically a smokescreen. It’s my biggest nightmare. I’m not even talking about God helping them – like, answering their prayers. The process alone is a death sentence.
Can we change the subject please?
OOTOB: What has been your personal greatest success with Ruchi?
YH: I’m sorry, but due to HIPAA regulations, I am unable to share that information.
OOTOB: Well, I want to thank you for your honesty and time. It’s important to have candid discussions with those whom we disagree and treat each other with respect.
YH: Thanks for having me.
Note: YH is available to field comments and questions.
For a fuller bio on YH, see here:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yetzer_hara.
This is great, Ruchi. Thanks.
Ruchi, you've done it again
What's HIPAA?
America's medical privacy laws!
Dear Yetzer Hara and Ruchi, thank you for this interview.
If you don't mind, I'd like to ask for one clarification. You say: "whenever Ruchi talks about how annoying I am, she smiles about it". I'm not sure what you're implying. Do you think that Ruchi smiling is a way of berating you, or showing some kind of fondness?
And a question for Ruchi: would you, ideally, like to loose touch with YH?
Hi W,
I think she doesn't really find me so annoying because she doesn't seem all that annoyed. she seems kind of amused. This throws me. Although I guess my greatest success is not when she's actually talking about me, but when she entirely forgets I'm working behind the scenes. Those are my most beautiful moments. Does that answer your question?
Hi W!
Weird…YH and I answered you at exactly the same time…
Anyway, I really would not like to lose touch with YH because she's an essential part of my life. In her own annoying way she is kind of like that personal trainer at the gym who keeps making you work harder by providing resistance. She's a pain in the neck but ultimately is responsible for my fitness. Unless I give way to the resistance. Then she's responsible for my setback. it's a pretty complex relationship.
It doesn't sound like you struggle much, Ruchi–is yetzer hara supposed to be REALLY bad or just more "naughty", as you portray her/it here? YH sounds here like more of a whiner and provoker, not existentially bad. What about REALLY bad or even just marginally MORE "bad hearts"?
Do they boil down to complaining or is there something much worse than that?
I do struggle. YH is not existentially bad. I feel like she's really been misunderstood. She probably should start her own blog. She has a really valuable mission but an essential ingredient is tripping people up to keep them as morally fit as possible. She's kind of like the bad cop. Know what I mean?
Can you clarify your last two questions?
Ruchi, that sounds like it would be a really interesting blog.
I'm with DG, what a great idea.
I meant the last two questions this way: You represent YH as being a pain mostly, because s/he induces whining, kvetching. YH doesn't seem for you to get you into REALLY bad activities. It/she doesn't seem all that bad in your representation. What about a YH that was more BAD than just whiny and pesky. It sounds from this post like really bad stuff isn't part of YH's effects. Is YH responsible also for pushing people to very bad things beyond whining?
SBW,as I understand it, YH is responsible for all urges to do wrong. So if a person has an urge to steal or attack someone, it comes from YH. Most of us simply don't have almost uncontrollable urges to beat people up, so our YH isn't manifested in that way.
But I thought the idea is that YH encompasses all the urges to do wrong, including ones that we control pretty well. I, at least, do have urges (maybe that word is too strong) to slap the bad drivers that cut me off, to shake the kids that taunt my kid, to humiliate professional rivals.
They aren't 'uncontrollable', and also not really plausible to act on, but the post seems to make YH a lot more harmless in what it does, like it's just a whiner. Maybe for Ruchi there really are none of those "really bad" urges/fantasies.
Yes, all those are part of YH. I have them, too. But in terms of YH seeming "harmless," those urges ARE pretty harmless since we aren't really tempted to act on them. It bothers me that I have them but I think the lesser urges that I might act on are really worse.
Related question: Do Os teach their kids that they shouldn't have bad, mean, angry thoughts, even really bad ones?
Frankly I would find this unhealthy. It would be an unnecessary source of shame, in my view. I think it is an important thing for a kid to know that having bad (destructive, angry, malicious) thoughts does not make you bad. How we act is different than what we think, and so the important thing is to work on your action, not on your thoughts.
I have the impression from Ruchi that our thinking is something we should try to control, not just acting.
To me the most dangerous thing YH can do is influence me on a very subtle level. She knows she's not getting me in an overt way but things like this are dangerous because they seem so innocent. Examples are thinking badly of others, even if I don't act on them. Feeling arrogant even if I can keep it under wraps. Passive aggressive behavior that's just under the radar. Ever-so-slight insinuations about others. If I REALLY lose it, it's patently obvious to me that I've blown it. In the previous examples, not as much.
Which brings me to your next question.
Why did you ask it about kids and not about ourselves? I'll tell you what I expect of myself and that's what I expect of my kids. I don't beat myself up for mean thoughts, because it's part of being human, but I do expect myself to try to reframe, give the benefit of the doubt, and not wallow in those thoughts for too long.
The more I do this, the less frequently and intensely those thoughts will control me.
Great post!!
What a great, creative idea, Ruchi!
I'm wondering about being blessed with a yetzer hara since I've always understood it to be our evil inclination. Is it because spiritually you know the yetzer hara will lead you wrong and know that when it quiets down you've gotten closer to God?
Hi Linda!
Thanks for visiting OOTOB and for commenting. Yes, what you mentioned is true, but also that without resistance there is no growth. without growth there is no meaning. So whether you're growing as a Jew because you've successfully ignored YH's tactics, or whether you've grown because you've failed and learned something really important for the future, YH has in a funny way been responsible for your growth. In that way she is a blessing. (Of course, the possibility exists that you will not grow but rather stagnate due to YH, but she is secretly rooting for that not to happen. Really she and you are working for the same boss – God.)
so cute
Ruchi, did you ever read The Screwtape Letters? Christian but excellent reading about the YH's various strategies.
Ruchi, did you ever read The Screwtape Letters? Christian but excellent reading about the YH's various strategies.