The Scene: Bris of Greenstein Family. Orthodox synagogue.
In attendance: the Greenstein’s Orthodox friends, non-Orthodox friends and relatives of both persuasions.
The service is about to begin. Friends and relatives file in to the main lobby.
Enter stage left – Karla Greenstein, a first cousin of Melinda (the baby’s mom). Karla is a 37-year-old mom and reading intervention specialist. She is excited to be at the simcha, but insecure in her choice of outfit and quite intimidated about entering an Orthodox synagogue (for the first time).
Enter stage right – Chava Leah Kohn, 31 years old, mom, reading intervention specialist, and friend of Melinda’s. Orthodox born and bred, Chava Leah has had limited interactions with non-Orthodox Jews and is nervous about what to say if someone will ask her a question about Orthodoxy that she can’t answer.
Karla sees Chava Leah across the room.
Karla’s stream of consciousness:
omg i’m wearing the wrong thing i knew i would be wearing the wrong thing. i wore a dress, but no one said it had to be BLACK and SO LONG obviously the leggings aren’t quite the new skirt just yet oy why is she looking at me like that where do i stand? are men and women supposed to be separate or something oh no look those orthodox are all mingling and socializing ok i guess its ok. phew. should i ask that woman where to go she’s obviously in the know oh no i would look too stupid what if i say something to offend her oh this is very stressful i gotta find somewhere to put this gift where’s the table for gifts oh there’s melinda lemme go say hi
Chava Leah sees Karla across the room.
Chava Leah’s stream of consciousness:
oh that woman looks a little lost and confused i should really go over to her and ask her if she needs help no that would look stupid who am i to be like the hall monitor no can’t do that but don’t want to leave her hanging either so nice how she’s wearing a dress to be respectful wow i should really go introduce myself and be a mensch no i’m much too shy what will i say what if she asks me something and i don’t know how to answer i’ll feel like such a fool she’s so cute her outfit’s really cute i wonder if i look so out of style in my clothes does she think i’m like totally out of date come on just go over and say hi what’s the big deal no i can’t it’s too weird oh she’s leaving oh there’s melinda
Chava Leah approaches Melinda just as Karla leaves.
They exchange brief smiles.
Karla exits stage right.
Chava Leah exits stage left.
Curtains.
too true
The only thing I would add is the BT (ba'ale teshuva) in the room…probably thinking something along the lines of…
"oh why did I bother to show up on time i should know better by now oh look there is a nice mix of people i wonder if that woman knows whats going on maybe she could use some help, but i can't say anything, everyone one who isn't religious in my family thinks i am just being "holier-then-thou" and get all passive agressive so she probably doesn't want the help…oh look there is that woman from shul, i wish i could be as comfortable with the davening as she is…i hope she doesn't see how i haven't memorized that bit of hebrew you're supposed to say during the brit, maybe if i just stand back here in the corner…"
So where does the convert fit into this picture 😉
Really though, I thought this was fantastic! love it!
Something like this happened to me and I couldn't understand it. It was my first night in Israel. I stayed in a hotel in Tel Aviv and asked for a nearby synagogue for Kabbalat Shabbat services. I dressed in a long skirt with a long sleeve high necked shirt and close-toed shoes. I wore a hat instead of my normal kippah. When I came in, no one said a word. I went to the women's section, no one offered me a siddur. I picked up a siddur and found the page without too much trouble and joined in the davenning, very quietly. No one even smiled at me during the entire service. After the service there was a big dinner set up for the congregants. No one offered me any wine or challah, no one said Shabbat Shalom – it was as if I were invisible. I managed to get out the door before bursting into tears.
Was this all just a misunderstanding? That they didn't know what to do with me? The experience still haunts me.
Susan
Susan: that sounds perfectly horrendous! what an awful feeling. I feel sure that it was somehow a misunderstanding but it's hard for me to picture just what could have been going on in their heads.
could they all have been tourists, equally uncomfortable and out of their element?
busyme and Elle… yes, I agree… it's incomplete! Thanks for rounding out the picture.
Susan: whenever I hear stories like this I get a pit in my stomach and feel the need to personally apologize! What shall I offer? I can't defend the indefensible. And yet could there be a benefit of the doubt, as both you and rena valiantly attempted to seek? My heart says yes… that it couldn't have been intentional…
My hope and dream is that someone today read your words and resolves to behave differently because of it.