Just reading an article over Shabbos about the tragic passing of Shoshie Stern, a 12-year old daughter of a friend-of-a-friend who was hit by a car in Florida and killed instantly. Two stories about the incident just made me stop in my tracks in absolute amazement that a human being could rise so incredibly above her nature.
1. The article’s author, a friend of the Stern family, describes that his wife, Zahava, had dropped off Shoshie at her home, but later received a frantic call from Shoshie’s sister asking where she was. A desperate call-fest ensued, with both families trying to locate Shoshie. Finally Zahava called Denise, Shoshie’s mother, to see if they had heard anything. Denise, who had just heard the tragic news moments earlier, blurted out: “Shoshie’s been killed! She was hit by a car while she tried to cross Palmetto Park Road. She’s dead!”
Zahava was overcome with emotion but a few minutes later Denise called back. Why? To apologize for blurting out the news over the phone, and asking if Zahava was alright, and to ask her for forgiveness.
Yes. Forgiveness.
2. At the hospital, after identifying her beloved daughter, Denise begged one of the police officers to find the motorist who had killed her daughter. “Tell him it wasn’t his fault. Tell him that we are a people of faith, we believe in G-d, and that we believe that this is part of His plan. He should not blame himself or feel guilty, and tell him that he should not allow this to ruin the rest of this life.”
Amazing. That a human being could rise so high. An inspiration.
Thank you to Dr. Norman Goldwasser and Mishpacha Magazine.
I had the same reaction. Amazing. May their family be comforted, and may we learn from this tragedy.
I don't believe I could be such a strong woman. May her family be comforted during this time.
Wow, Denise is obviously a very special person.
How tragic and how admirable of the mom.
How does that O belief about human blamelessness work? Like if in such a situation a parent found out the driver was drunk, or was driving without a valid license, would there really be that same sense of obligation toward forgiveness?
I wouldn't have it in me to offer forgiveness in those circumstances.
Blamelessness only works in the absence of culpability, as you indicate. No obligation toward forgiveness where the driver was drunk or driving without a valid license, especially where no forgiveness is sought.
Even in that case, though, people of faith believe that nothing can happen unless it is part of God's master plan.
I'm guessing that what the mother had in mind was giving the driver the benefit of the doubt, which is a requirement in Judaism. Since it might not have been his fault, she was assuming it wasn't.
Judaism believes strongly in free will and taking responsibility for our actions. Even in the case of an accidental killing, the Bible requires that the killer go to a city of refuge. This is not only to save him from the victim's relatives but also as a matter of responsibility. After all, he can leave the city of refuge as soon as the High Priest dies, which could be 70 years later or the next day. If it's the next day, revenge-seeking relatives won't have calmed down and forgiven him yet. I don't actually understand the concept, but I know it exists. And no one understands how God combines free will with His own master plan, but the idea underlies several statements in the Ethics of the Fathers (part of the Mishnah).