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controversial observations Archives - Page 9 of 14 - Out of the Ortho Box
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controversial observations

Uncategorized July 1, 2012

Saturday Joggers

Actual conversation:
Rabbi, I have a silly question.  So this weekend we were away for a friend’s son’s bar mitzvah, and Saturday morning I went out for a jog.
So there I am, in my shorts, and, well, you know, and my route takes me right past the local Orthodox synagogue, just as everyone’s leaving.
And so on the one hand, I want to say “Good Shabbos,” or “Shabbat Shalom,” or whatever, but would that be weird, because obviously I’m like, jogging, and not, well, in shul… And I’m not dressed modestly so would that make people uncomfortable?  Or should I just say good morning?  I mean, how would that be viewed by the Orthodox?
Saturday joggers and Orthodox shul-goers: what say you?
Uncategorized June 28, 2012

Comfort the Disturbed, Disturb the Comfortable

“A spiritual leader must comfort the disturbed, and disturb the comfortable.”

–Moses
Okay, so it wasn’t Moses.  But it might as well have been, because truer words have never been spoken.
Yes, as human beings we expect our spiritual leaders to be there for us in times of sorrow.  To run the funeral, be at the shiva, and chant the kaddish.  To answer the difficult questions, visit the hospital, and work through the tangled dilemmas with a smile, an arm around the shoulder, and soothing words.
But our spiritual leaders have another job.  To shake up the status quo.  Help us get off our laurels, where we’ve been chillin’.  Ask the difficult questions that we might not want to hear.  Challenge us in our relationships, in our decisions, in how we spend our money and our leisure time.  Help us rise to our highest selves by disturbing the comforts of the plateau.
Are we up for it?
Uncategorized June 13, 2012

The Right [Curse] to Work

Tell me you haven’t received at least one email like this (all typographical errors have been retained for your enjoyment):

A woman, renewing her driver’s licence ,
was asked by the woman at Registry to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.   

‘What I mean is, ‘ explained the woman at Registry,
‘do you have a job or are you just a …..?’

‘Of course I have a job,’ snapped the woman.
‘I’m a Mum.’

‘We don’t list ‘Mum’ as an occupation,

‘housewife’ covers it,’ 

Said the recorder emphatically. 
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself

in the same situation. 
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like,
‘Official Interrogator’ or ‘City Registrar.’ 

‘What is your occupation?’ she probed.

What made me say it?  I do not know.
The words simply popped out
‘I’m a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations.’ 

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and
looked up as though she had not heard right. 
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words..
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,

in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
‘Might I ask,’ said the clerk with new interest,
‘just what you do in your field?’ 

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
‘I have a continuing program of research,
(what mother doesn’t)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).

I’m working for my Masters, (the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).

But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers

and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.’ 

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk’s voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,

I was greeted by my lab assistants — ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
testing out a new vocal pattern..   

I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more

distinguished and indispensable to mankind than ‘just another Mum.’  
   Motherhood!   

What a glorious career!  

 Of course ending with “please send this to all mums that you know!!!!!!”

GAG.

Variations on this theme are ubiquitous (I’m thinking of the one where someone figures out how much money motherhood would be worth on the job market).  But have a big bone to pick with it all.  Motherhood is not and never will be comparable to a job where people pay you.  It’s.  Just.  Not.  In fact, the two have nothing in common.

See, according to Judaism, working is neither a right, an honor, or a privilege.  It’s a… ready?

Curse.  Given to… ready?

Men.

And pregnancy, labor, and the difficulty in child-rearing is a… (you already knew this) curse!

Given to (you already knew this)…

Women!

For what?  For the sin of eating of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden.

Now for the disclaimers:

1. For some, working is an outlet, a way to feel useful, to give to society.  I refer to needing to work in order to eat.  (The source states: “by the sweat of your brow will you [be able to] eat bread.”  Far cry from part-timing it to deal with empty-nest syndrome.)

2. In some families, women help out with the bread-winning, and men help out with the child-raising.  This is good.  We help each other deal with our mutual curses.  That’s called “being kind” and is a pleasant character trait.  Keep it up.  Even, sometimes, women are primary bread-winners, and men are primary child-raisers.  This is OK too.  Nothing forbidden about that.

3. Equal pay for equal work is unrelated to this teaching.

4. We should still be grateful to the members of each gender for their hard work in their respective curses.  Just because they’re cursed doesn’t mean we have it lord it over them.  But to envy someone else’s curse seems rather unseemly.

Do you think?

For those of you that are into sources, check out Genesis/Bereishit/s 3:17 and 19. 

Uncategorized June 11, 2012

I’m a Jew-ist

I care about our planet
yet I’m not an environmentalist.

I care about animals
but I’m not an activist.

I feel that women are strong, wise, and capable, and have an incredibly important contribution to offer the world
but I’m not a feminist.

I believe that humans have values and concerns that are deeply important
but I wouldn’t be called a humanist.

It is vitally important to me to understand things rationally
but I don’t want you to call me a rationalist.

My observance may seem extreme to some
but I don’t think you’d call me an extremist.

I believe that God has a masterplan
but I’m definitely not a fatalist.

I’m a Jew.
It’s my highest calling.
I wouldn’t dilute it, hyphenate it, or share it with any other identity.
All my other callings fall under its umbrella.
I’m a Jew-ist.

Uncategorized June 5, 2012

10 Things I’ve Learned in the 20 Years Since Graduating High School

This month marks 20 years since I graduated high school.  Mazel tov to me; to my fellow students of Yavne High School at the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland, and to grads of ’92 all over the world.  In a neat twist, I am blessedly grateful to God for my eldest daughter who is 20 years younger than me and is graduating high school next week.  Mazel tov!

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. People will, of their own accord, follow up on their commitments without reminders approximately 10% of the time.
BUT lots of the 90% think they’re the 10% so good luck with that.

2. You never need to buy anything at full price.  There’s always a smarter way.
BUT consciously indulge every once in a awhile.  It’s fun.

3. Phrases like “I need some me-time”; “It’s the principle of the matter”; and “I just need to vent/rant” are usually rationalizations for selfish behavior camouflaged as mental health directives.
BUT don’t tell that to your spouse.

4. When life feels overwhelming, it’s usually because I need a nap.
BUT maybe that’s because I don’t drink coffee.

5. Potty training is worse than adolescence.
BUT adolescence lasts a lot longer.

6. Every person has free will to accept or reject a life of faith.  There will always be compelling factors on both sides.
BUT most people in this world have never taken the time to embark on a serious educational quest on the issue.

7. My parents were way more in the know than I thought when I was a teen.
BUT it might take my kids another 20 years to figure out that so am I.

8. Baby food is a scam.  Applesauce is applesauce and oatmeal is oatmeal.
BUT it took me 5 kids to stop buying it.

9. Secrets are almost always more damaging in than out.
BUT if you make me a surprise party, I’ll forgive you.

10. You can say pretty much anything – even tough truths – to the people you love.
BUT plan your words very wisely.

What truths have you learned since graduation?

Uncategorized May 30, 2012

High on Hebrew

Hebrew is the only language, I recently asserted, where it pays to play language police.

On a recent post about the nature of the relationship between Reform and Orthodox definitions of Jewish,  a tangent, one of many, arose, buried deep in the comment section, that merits its own post: the particularness of the Hebrew language.

It started with the discussion of: is Judaism a race or nation?  Religion or ethnicity?  I was surprised that some were opposed to my usage of the word “race” as it niggled Nazi terminology a wee too close.  And the conversation continued (I’ve edited here):
Me: …it really only makes sense to be the language
police where Hebrew is concerned. English (ever read the kids’ book
“Frindle”?) language is useful per lots of people agreeing to mean
something by the usage of a particular word or phrase.

Hebrew,
according to Judaism, carries inherent, never-evolving, never
synonymously interchangeable, meanings. Biblical Hebrew, that is.

So
I don’t mind if you substitute race for nation for whatever. My
original point was, is and still stands, that whatever you call us, we
defy logic. You can’t compare us to any other people, religion, race
ethnicity, or nation – in terms of how they define themselves, came to
be formed, and can cease to belong to that particular group. It doesn’t
even matter what you call us, for this reason.



Should be working:  Thanks for appreciating me be a linguistic nitpicker. It’s a passion.
Now
you will have to tell me more about this idea that Hebrew has
never-evolving meanings. Where does Judaism say this? I’m a big fan of
Robert Alter’s Bible translations, and his scholarship. One thing I love
is his sensitivity to the ambiguities in the language of the Torah.
Which means you and O-Jews might be anything but fans. 
  
Larry Lennhoff: I
hope Ruchi wasn’t trying to say that the words of the Torah are
unambiguous. Rather I took her to say that every word was precisely
chosen and that no other word would do in its place. This precision is
necessary precisely to allow for the ambiguity that results in the 70
faces of the Torah. When someone darshens (homiletically interprets a
verse) based on the idea that if you read a word with a different set of
vowels you can extract another meaning they are taking advantage of the
Torah’s precision, but increasing ambiguity, not lessening it.

Orthodox figures such Ibn Ezra, James Kugel (in his book How to Read the Bible: A Guide to Scripture, Then and Now)…all pay great attention to Biblical grammar and vocabulary.

I look forward to Ruchi’s post on the matter.
Zusel ben Shlomo :  Ruchi, you
are losing me again when you state that Hebrew, even Biblical Hebrew,
is never ambiguous or uncertain. It is certainly not true once it is
translated into English. IF you have ever seriously studied Tanach
using two different Jewish translations you might be amazed at the
differences. Even resorting to a competent Biblical reader, results in a
statement “well the Hebrew kind of implies both meaning, but neither
one is exact.”
There are also many Biblical nouns e.g. animals that we have no certain knowledge of.

There
are also words that only appear once in the entire Biblical Hebrew
so it is impossible to know what they meant in the ancient context.
Tanach also includes many euphemisms and figures of speech that cannot
be translated literally. 

So let me clarify what I’m talking about here.  Please note that wherever I say “Hebrew,” I refer not to modern Israeli Hebrew, but rather to Biblical Hebrew.
Rabbi Akiva Tatz is really the contemporary king of the topic.  In his book Letters to a Buddhist Jew, there is an entire chapter devoted to the following concepts.  I encourage you to click on the link and read it online:
1. Hebrew is entirely unlike any other language (sounds familiar to my assertion that the Jewish people are unlike any other people ever created…).
2. All languages derive originally from Hebrew.  The story of the Tower of Babel describes its explosion into multiple languages.  No coincidence here that Babel is essentially the same as the English “babble” – that’s exactly what happened when the languages diverged.
3. Hebrew is [perhaps one of] the most concise of languages.
4. Hebrew is the language of reality, and thus a concept that is merely an illusion will not have a word to describe it in Hebrew (example: “my rights”).  Ugly words do not exist in Hebrew; despite its inherent conciseness, more words and syllables will be employed to describe something in a lovelier, less insulting way.  Example: the word “treif” is not Biblical but rather Talmudic.  In the Torah it describes “the animals that are not pure.”
5. There are no synonyms in Hebrew since each word is precisely chosen and carries that meaning throughout its use anywhere in Scripture.
6. Aside from the actual word usage and the sense of reality it conveys, there is another layer of meaning encoded in the language, that, as far as I know does not exist in any other language.  This is called “gematria” – each letter carries a numerical equivalent that is there to teach us something and can often reveal deeper layers of the concept.
7. Each Hebrew letter’s construct and name is the subject of deep meaning.  Even which letters are juxtaposed in the Torah is a meaningful study.  Example: Two letters that never appear together in the entirety of Torah (this was asserted prior to computer-checking capacity but remains proven now) are the “gimmel” and the “tet.”  Put together, it spells the Talmudic word for divorce.
There are so many examples and so much more to say; start with reading Rabbi Tatz’s chapter and even that is just the portal.
To respond to Zusel ben Shlomo:
Sure, Hebrew can be ambiguous, just as any language.  But the diction never is.  If a word is chosen, it is very telling.  To the point where when I teach Torah classes, mainly in English, when we’re stuck I look up the original Hebrew and it usually answers the question.  The translating into English is precisely the problem; it’s like reading a recipe online instead of cooking it in real life.
So to the original point, it doesn’t really matter if I want to call the Jewish people a “nation,” a “race” or whatever.  The real question is, what are we called in Hebrew?
Here are a few answers, and excuse my imperfect translation, which you now know the reason for:
“Mamleches kohanim” – a kingdom of priests (religion/Chosen People)
“Goy Kadosh” – a holy people (religion)
“Bnei Yisrael” – the children of Israel (race/family/ethnicity)
“Am segulah” – a treasured nation (nation)
Squirming?  🙂 
So…. does that clarify or confuse?  What’s your exposure to the depth of Biblical Hebrew?

Uncategorized May 22, 2012

What Do You Mean, You Can’t Eat in my Home??

Okay, so I shamelessly stole that awesome title from Azriela Jaffe’s book, and will pay back the favor by linking it here.  (Thanks, Azriela.)  I haven’t actually read the book but I’ve heard lotsa good things about it.

Neither have I ever dealt with this issue personally, but many of my friends have.  The thrust is that when someone decides to keep kosher, or go from “regular kosher” or “kosher style” to strictly kosher, they may be unable (unwilling?) to eat in their families’ and friends’ kitchens.  Result?  Confusion, perceived judgment, and hurt feelings.  IMHO, one of the main issues is that the parties involved become emotionally bogged down and thus unable (unwilling?) to see things objectively.

So, for the purpose of distance and illustration, let’s look at four analogous instances.  Ready?

Scenario 1:
My husband is doing a bris.  He suggests that the family serve kosher food at the bris to honor the Jewish symbolism of the occasion.  They decline.  They offer to order him a kosher meal.  Or, sometimes, they don’t.

Scenario 2:
We have guests over that are gluten-free.  It’s my first experience with gluten-free eating, so I poke around online and ask them for ideas.  “Don’t worry,” they say, “don’t put yourself out.  There are lots of things our son can eat.  Thank you!”

Scenario 3:
My friend tells me an acquaintance invited herself over for Shabbat dinner, and asked what she’d be serving.  “Brisket,” she said.

“Oh, sorry, I can’t have that.  It’s too fattening.”

Scenario 4:
At a holiday dinner, my mother-in-law brings out a number of dishes, most of which, coincidentally, contain mushrooms.  It turns out that her guest is allergic to mushrooms.

Questions:
1. Is it the responsibility of the bris host to order my husband a kosher meal?  Is it reasonable for him/her to be offended if my husband can’t eat the “regular” (non-kosher) meal?

2. Is it my responsibility to make sure I have gluten-free food for my guest, or should he/she fill up on GF food prior to coming?  Should I be hurt if he/she won’t eat food that I thought, erroneously, was GF?

3. Is this guest rude?

4. Who feels worse: the guest, or my mother-in-law?

What do you think?  Have you ever been in any of the above situations?