God Archives - Page 4 of 4 - Out of the Ortho Box

Uncategorized September 5, 2011

To Fight is To Lose

If you have kids, and your kids fight, pay close attention.

How does it feel when our kids fight? We raise them; we give them everything we’ve got. We give them our sleep, our food, our best decades. We give them our money and our time and our brain cells and our non-gray hair.

And they fight.

They fight for the dumbest reasons. They fight out of boredom, for attention, or for competition. They fight out of anger, jealousy, and for no reason whatsoever. They fight because they feel that it is safe to fight with one another, as opposed to outsiders. They fight because they don’t dream that they are wrong.

And so, they fight.

And when they fight, we crumple.

Us adults, with our psycho-savvy, and with our dual degrees, and with various self-help books memorized in part, crumple. Admit it, parents: it brings you to your knees.

Nothing feels worse than our children, flesh of our flesh, blood of our blood, carrying our very DNA, not to mention each other’s, turning against one another.

Well, well.

If God is our Father, and we are His children, why, oh why, do we do it… to each other?

When will the madness end?

To facilitate love, peace, and common language, below please find a list of common words and phrases in the Ortho-dialect:

1. Baruch Hashem

Pronounced:

Ba-RUCH ha-SHEM. Often mispronounced as one word: “bruchashem.”

It means:

“Blessed is God” and is often used to respond to the questions, “How are you?” “How was your day?” or “What’s happening?” It’s meant to give thanks to God that we are doing OK, or even if we’re not. Depending on context and the speaker, it can be used synonymously with: “Great, thank God,” “Terrible, thank God,” or even “Let’s not go there.”

This phrase is important because:

It recognizes a basic belief in Judaism – that everything that happens comes from God and He must be thanked and recognized.

English alternative:

Thank God. (Note: this too has the powerful ability to freak people out, as it contains the G-word, so tread carefully.)

Fun trivia: some newly religious Jews famously use this phrase as often as teens say “whatever”; many religious Jews have this phrase so ingrained in their instinctive vocabulary that they are completely unaware when their listeners have no idea what it means, and are, in fact, freaked out by its repetitive usage.

2. Im yirtzeh Hashem

Pronounced:

Im-YEAR-tzeh ha-SHEM. Often mispronounced as one word: “MEAR-tza-SHEM.”

It means:

“If God will desire it to be” and is often used in conjunction with making plans, large or small. It’s meant to acknowledge that, in fact, man plans and God laughs, or at least has a say in what actually will come to fruition and what will not, and that us humans are fallible and myopic. Usage: “Sure, see you at Starbucks tomorrow at 3 then, im yirtzeh Hashem.” Or: “I would really like to become a surgeon one day, im yirtzeh Hashem.“

This phrase is important because:

It recognizes that God is in charge of life.

English alternative:

God willing, please God (this is such a cute phrase; seems to be indigenous to South Africa.) Note: this too has the powerful ability to freak people out; see #1.

Fun trivia:
Sometimes I will just think this phrase in my head and not actually say it, if I sense my audience may, indeed, freak out, but I don’t want to be disloyal to my beliefs that this must be somehow acknowledged.

3. Bli neder

Pronounced:
Blee NEH-der

It means:
“Without a promise” and is often used when committing to do something, go somewhere, etc.

Usage: “I will make you two cakes for the party, bli neder.”

This phrase is important because:
Judaism teaches that the words that come out of our mouths are powerful, and that if we don’t stipulate that a vow is not intended, we may stand in violation of a promise made and not kept. This is very serious in Jewish philosophy, so the phrase states clearly that this is not a promise and not a vow.

English alternative:

I’ll try my best.

4. Vort

Pronounced:
Phonetically (!)

It means:
“Word” and is often used to describe, believe it or not, an engagement party. It literally refers to the “word” of Torah (the Hebrew equivalent would be “dvar [Torah]” which means a word of Torah) that the groom says at the party to make his fiancee so proud of the Torah scholar she is marrying. Usage: “I’m out of town next week – I’m going to NY for my sister’s vort.”

This phrase is important because:
Marriage is a super-important milestone in Judaism, and the beginning of that journey is engagement. So, we celebrate! How? With lots of food, and words of Torah.

English alternative:

Engagement party (but it doesn’t really do justice).

Fun trivia:
Non-Orthodox folk are generally surprised at how many vorts we go to!

5. Gut voch/shavua tov

Pronounced:
Gut VUCH (yiddish) or sha-VOO-ah TOV (Hebrew)

It means:
“Good week” and is used Saturday night after Havdala to wish one another that the upcoming week be a good one. Usage: “Gut voch! Shavua tov! Who wants to go out for pizza?” “Hi, gut voch – is there Sunday school tomorrow?”

This phrase is important because:
It is the transition from the Shabbat to the mundane week – it is also a blessing of goodwill – always appreciated.

English alternative:

Have a great week (but it doesn’t really do justice either).

Fun trivia:
Saturday night, when this wish is generally offered, has its own special name: Motzei Shabbos – literally, the outcome of Shabbat. Nice way to look at it. I’ve heard that perhaps the reason that people have the “itch” to go out Saturday night (whether they’ve observed Shabbat or not) is that there is an “extra soul” that visits us over Shabbat, and it departs with Havdala, leaving us feeling kind of empty and itchy for action.

So, baruch Hashem that’s it for now! I’ll post more of these, im yirtzeh Hashem in the future, bli neder – right after I get back from my sister’s vort!
Shavua tov, all!

What are your favorite Ortho-isms?

Uncategorized August 26, 2011

I’m In a Relationship

If you freak out easily, stop reading now.

Every now and then, missionaries come a-knockin’ on my door. And I feel like telling them: Hey. I’m not looking for new relationships. I’m already in a relationship. With God.

It’s a long-term relationship. It started before my conscious memory began, and will continue after I die.

It’s a mutual relationship. I talk to Him (via prayer, both formal and spontaneous) and He talks to me (via Torah study). I make promises to Him, and He makes promises to me. I believe in Him, and He believes in me.

It’s an unconditional relationship: in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. Even in death we will not part.

Quick, take a sheet of paper. Draw four circles on it – one for Judaism, one for family, one for work, and one for any hobbies that take up time in your life. Draw the biggest circle for the most important relationship in your life, and subsequently smaller circles as the relationships diminish in importance.

My relationship with God is the biggest.

My next circle is my family. My next is JFX, the Jewish Family Experience, and smaller circles include hobbies like music and writing. My long-term relationship with God is the umbrella that shades all of these. It colors how I spend my time, when I get a babysitter, how I express my feelings.

Why am I telling you this? It’s not to be hokey or weird or in-your-face, but rather to explain to you what I think ought to characterize an “Orthodox” or certainly a “religious” Jew. This relationship motivates pretty much everything I do. It’s not only Baptists who have God in their heart and their mind every day. It’s OK for Jews to as well. Yet most do not feel comfortable with being “out” about this relationship. In my opinion, THIS is what it means to be an observant Jew. Observant, not only of the mitzvos/mitzvot/mitzvas, but observant of one’s relationship to God. THIS is what the word “Orthodox” can’t possibly express.

Make the following observation: When you are in a long-term relationship with a human, you can’t just do the right thing. You have to feel the relationship. And if you don’t, you at least have to be working on it. Else it will die. This is the spirit of Judaism. But if you just feel the love, but don’t do the things that must be done in a relationship, you have the spirit only. That’s where the letter of the law is missing. This, too, is an incomplete relationship, and one that is unsustainable. Feelings alone cannot perpetuate a relationship. And a relationship with a Higher Being is no different.

And if you feel freaked out… well, I warned you.

What do you think, fellow Jews? Is it weird to think about these things? Does it feel funny, foreign, uncomfortable? Is it important to be thinking about these things? How many Jews, do you think, are even thinking about the relationship? And if you are in the relationship, are you comfortable with it? Talking about it? How much and to whom?

Uncategorized August 17, 2011

Hypocrites

This post is inspired by Renee of Dr. Fried’s office!

So yesterday my son had an orthodontist appointment. Which means that Renee asked me about 50,000 questions about Judaism. And she made a comment that really made me sad.

She said that some of her friends feel that Orthodox people are hypocrites.

I asked her what she means and she mentioned an example (I don’t want to get specific due to the rules of lashon hara – gossip) where Orthodox people had done something wrong.

She said she thinks people expect Orthodox people to be “better than that,” to be an example. Or at least that if they consider themselves to be “better than other people” they ought to at least live up to that notion.

This is problematic both logically and morally.

1. A hypocrite is someone who preaches one thing, and behaves in a way that is different from what he preaches. Not all Orthodox people are preachers. If a rabbi misbehaves, or a teacher of Torah, OK – that’s hypocritical.

2. Otherwise, this is called being “inconsistent.” All humans are inconsistent. Does anyone ALWAYS speak kindly? Act morally? Eat healthfully? Of course not. Some people gossip but eat kosher, others refuse to gossip while sitting at a non-kosher restaurant. Both of these are inconsistent – but not hypocritical. And still far better than doing neither.

3. The epithet “hypocrite” is very strong and negative, and should be used sparingly and carefully.

4. Just because someone is Orthodox, doesn’t mean he has a strong relationship with God or with a rabbi, which are things that will help deter bad behavior.

5. Judaism requires us to give the “benefit of the doubt” in a given situation. That means if we see something that seems odd, we are required to say, “maybe they don’t realize that’s wrong, maybe I don’t have the whole picture…” Otherwise, this is called being judgmental, which is perhaps just as bad as being hypocritical.

6. Anyone who is identifiably Jewish has a responsibility to understand that his actions will serve as an assumption point for all Jews of his affiliation. So if you’re wearing a kippah/yarmulke, you’d better be driving courteously. If you’re wearing a headscarf, you’d better wait in line patiently at Heinen’s. Because right or wrong, others will judge all religious Jews by your actions.

And finally, we have to recognize that as Jews, we are constantly being assessed by the non-Jewish world. How do we want them to view us? To treat us? Are we treating each other that way?

What are your thoughts on hypocrisy among Jews?