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Jewish inspiration Archives - Page 6 of 9 - Out of the Ortho Box
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Uncategorized September 10, 2012

Judaism v. Twitter

Is Judaism twitterable?

I’ll confess:  I briefly joined twitter way back when I started my blog, because “everyone” said that bloggers “have to” be on twitter.

It was awful.  The relationship ended very quickly.

This might completely be due to my inadequacies, and I’m delighted to own that.  But I wonder if there’s more.  One of the things that freaked me out about twitter was that when you tweet a link, it’s in truncated code.  You can’t tell until you click what website it’s coming from.  It’s like going down a dark tunnel with your eyes closed.

Also: since you can’t monitor who has access to comment on your output (not that Facebook is foolproof here, but the gates are somewhat more manageable), anyone who vehemently disagrees with your general approach to life is eligible to argue you down every time you tweet (who has time for these things?).

And the space limitations means that you have to pare down, pare down, and pare down your message once again to fit the space.  That’s not terrible, but if someone wants to respond to you and actually have a conversation, your defense/response is severely limited.

Finally, all of twitter is in code, for a newbie (yes, an apt metaphor for newbies in Orthodox environments; I am not oblivious to the irony).  It’s like going to a wedding where you don’t know anyone and they’re all speaking a foreign language.  There are #hashtags and RT@ all over the place.  #goodluckwiththatstupid.

I departed quickly with my tail between my legs, feeling like a blogging failure.  I went running back to Facebook and cried myself to sleep at home where everyone knows me and likes me.  It was a dark time.  (Kidding, sort of.)

But then I read an interesting article that got me thinking: maybe it’s not that I personally was a failure at twitter, although that’s certainly possible, but also/instead that depth in Judaism and twitter are simply incompatible partners.

To my first point, in Judaism it matters deeply what the source is.  Travels down dark tunnels are not recommended.  Learn from a teacher, but first learn about your teacher.

Second, Judaism is both accessible to all (Torah was given in a desert, teaches the midrash, to indicate that it belongs equally to everyone and no one) and not completely readily accessible.  The student must try to find it; exert effort; discover a teacher; and schvitz it out a bit.  Even putting this kind of information on the web for all to see opens it up to ridicule and worse by those that are disinterested and hostile to its message.  Good or bad?  You be the judge.

But it was the forced terseness that ultimately ended the relationship.  I NEED the time, the space, to fully explain, with compassion and nuance, what my message is.  Otherwise, I’ve learned, it’s better to remain silent.  A half message is worse than no message.

And the code was just kind of inhospitable.

But maybe I’m just sensitive.

Anyway.  Here I am.  Blogging, with Facebook as my friend.  I come in peace, as my 11-year-old says.  Those that are open to my message or are searching for depth and understanding, here I am.  Those that are opposed or hostile, shalom unto you.  And those that have questions, by all means.  I have all day, and all the space in the world.

Tweet that.

Uncategorized August 22, 2012

Dear Teacher: May It Be An Atonement

Dear Teacher,

I’m only in the 5th grade, and you aren’t even my teacher.  But you taught me something that I’ll probably remember for a long time.  

I don’t think you saw me watching when you fell in the cafeteria.  I was eating my lunch with my friends, and some water must have spilled near the sinks, because you slid right across the floor and fell with an embarrassing thud.

All the teachers rushed around to see if you were OK.  I looked away, ashamed to see a grown-up fall like a regular kid.

And then, as you got up, I heard you say a phrase I’d never heard before: “It should be a kapparah.”

Now, I knew the word “kapparah.”  That means “atonement.”  I thought hard about what you said, and realized that you were taking your embarrassment and your hurt, and saying that you hoped, and prayed, sort of, too, that God would take it and use it to erase something wrong that you had once done.  Maybe something by mistake.  Or maybe something on purpose? 

I didn’t know grown-ups did things wrong on purpose.  Especially you.  You’re such a good person.  But my mother told me once that nobody’s perfect.  Only God is perfect.  So I guess that’s what you meant.

Anyway, I thought that was a really neat way of dealing with what happened to you.  Maybe I’ll copy that when something wrong happens to me that I can’t fix or change.  And maybe I’ll take it with me for when I become a grown-up.

So I just wanted to say thank you for that.  It changed the way I think and really helped me.

Sincerely,

Rochel Indich, 1985
5th grader at the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland

Uncategorized June 27, 2012

My Mussar Obsession: Guest Blog at Pop Chassid

Those of you that know me IRL or follow me on Facebook know that I’m seriously into mussar.  Love learning it, love sharing it, love living it to the best of my ability.

But what is it?

Today I’m guest-blogging over at a beautiful blog: popchassid.com.

It’s so many things.

It’s the belief that each one of us possesses a holy soul that has a unique mission to fulfill on this earth.

It’s the philosophy that our primary path to becoming spiritual beings is the process of refining our character traits.

It’s studying, in depth, the inner workings of envy, greed,
stinginess, kindness, ego, generosity, fake flattery, laziness, modesty,
joy and serenity.

It’s identifying where our work lies, in perfecting ourselves, whenever we are in an altercation with another.

It’s the serenity and inner joy that comes from accepting responsibility for our own reactions, perceptions, and relationships.

Continue reading…

Uncategorized June 5, 2012

10 Things I’ve Learned in the 20 Years Since Graduating High School

This month marks 20 years since I graduated high school.  Mazel tov to me; to my fellow students of Yavne High School at the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland, and to grads of ’92 all over the world.  In a neat twist, I am blessedly grateful to God for my eldest daughter who is 20 years younger than me and is graduating high school next week.  Mazel tov!

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. People will, of their own accord, follow up on their commitments without reminders approximately 10% of the time.
BUT lots of the 90% think they’re the 10% so good luck with that.

2. You never need to buy anything at full price.  There’s always a smarter way.
BUT consciously indulge every once in a awhile.  It’s fun.

3. Phrases like “I need some me-time”; “It’s the principle of the matter”; and “I just need to vent/rant” are usually rationalizations for selfish behavior camouflaged as mental health directives.
BUT don’t tell that to your spouse.

4. When life feels overwhelming, it’s usually because I need a nap.
BUT maybe that’s because I don’t drink coffee.

5. Potty training is worse than adolescence.
BUT adolescence lasts a lot longer.

6. Every person has free will to accept or reject a life of faith.  There will always be compelling factors on both sides.
BUT most people in this world have never taken the time to embark on a serious educational quest on the issue.

7. My parents were way more in the know than I thought when I was a teen.
BUT it might take my kids another 20 years to figure out that so am I.

8. Baby food is a scam.  Applesauce is applesauce and oatmeal is oatmeal.
BUT it took me 5 kids to stop buying it.

9. Secrets are almost always more damaging in than out.
BUT if you make me a surprise party, I’ll forgive you.

10. You can say pretty much anything – even tough truths – to the people you love.
BUT plan your words very wisely.

What truths have you learned since graduation?

Uncategorized May 25, 2012

10k and 401k

Cross-posting from my other blog, jfxramblings.blogspot.com.

For
the first time in my life, I was in a 10k on Team JFX this past Sunday
in the Cleveland Marathon.  It was an unbelievable experience.  I love
trying new things and the anticipation the night before embarking on
something brand-new is thrilling for me.  I had no idea what it would be
like.  Here are some things that I didn’t anticipate:

1. To paraphrase Michael Jackson, it doesn’t matter if you walk or run.
Well,
maybe for serious runners it did, but for me, it didn’t.  I’m not very
well-trained, and it didn’t matter.  I’ve learned that good “runner’s
etiquette” is not to ask.  Asking personal deets about your 10k is like
asking about your 401k!  Walk, run, start, stop, do what works for you. 
Just keep trying and make it to the finish.

2. When you cross the finish line, no one knows if you were in the 10k, the half-marathon, or the full.
So
a 10k is roughly 6 miles.  Half-marathon, 13.  Full:  26.  And when you
cross that finish, no one knows unless you tell them.  You coulda
actually slipped in 5 minutes before the end and no one would know the
diff.   You know what?  It’s no one else’s business but yours. Only you
know how hard you trained, how much you pushed, and how long you ran. 
(Or if you walked.)

3.  There’s a whole “marathon culture.”
A
couple of nights before the race, I called Kim, my runner friend, and
asked her a whole bunch of questions: what if I need to drink?  Do I
bring my own water?  Are there bathrooms along the way?  What’s the best
way to cover my head?  Sunglasses or too sweaty?  She laughed and said I
reminded her of when she was becoming more observant.  How should I
know people are standing there offering you drinks and you just toss the cup into the street?  (That was painful for the eternal mother in me.   Now who’s gonna clean up that mess?)  My
point?  We all have stuff that we’re experienced at, and stuff that
we’re novices at.  Ask!  Find someone who likes you who has more
experience, and just plain old ask.

4. Everyone’s in pain the next day.
Being
in a race is somewhat glamorous.  (I still won’t throw out my bib.  Oh,
and yes, a bib is a piece of paper with your number that you pin on
your shirt.  Oh… your number… so everyone gets one when they
register…wtvr…)  Everyone is so excited for you, people are
impressed, folks are sponsoring you.  Then, the next day, you and
everyone else in the race, is in pain.  You’re sore, dehydrated and have
a headache.  It’s OK.  Pain is the great equalizer.  From the most
well-trained runner to, well, me.  Does it mean I goofed?  Does it mean I
shouldn’t do it again?  Nah.  I means I’m pushing myself.  That’s good.

I’m
not going to tell you all to join a race.  It’s not for everyone.  But I
will challenge you to find something that you’ve never tried before,
and just sign up.  It keeps you fresh and interesting. 

3,324
years ago, on Shavuot, at Mt. Sinai, the Jews signed up for Judaism,
and they sure didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. Who knows?  Maybe you, too, will be in pain the next day. 

That’s a good thing.

Uncategorized May 11, 2012

The Helicopter and the Rocket Ship

Hey readers,

For those of you that like parenting stuff (which this blog is not) I was published yesterday over at parentingsimply.com on the Helicopter and the Rocket Ship.  (I know it says “by Adina Soclof” – she’s the creator of the site – but at the bottom you’ll see my cute little bio so you’ll know it’s really from yours truly.)

Much ink has been spilled on the altar of abolishing the Helicopter
Parent: that mom (or dad) who always hovers worriedly nearby, ready,
willing and able to don spandex tights and a cape and SWOOP down to save
the day!

With forgotten lunches, neglected book reports and excuse notes in tow,
this parent unwittingly inhibits independence in his/her kids and stunts
their ability to grow into confident adults who have the skills to meet
the challenges of life.

What about Helicopter’s arch-nemesis: Rocket Ship Parent? …continue reading

Uncategorized April 11, 2012

Dear Ashley Judd

Dear Ashley,

Your recent piece responded strongly to media speculation about the “puffiness of your face” and broadened that to include the “assault on our [women’s and girls’] body image, the hypersexualization of girls and women and subsequent degradation of our sexuality as we walk through the decades, and the general incessant objectification.”  Further, you conclude that this is the very antithesis of feminism, and is most disturbingly a patriarchy that includes women as well – as the aggressors.

My heart broke when I read your article.  Not because you’re wrong, and not because your piece wasn’t intelligent and articulate, but because there is so much work to do in enlightening the world about the truths you mention.

See, Ashley, in a funny way you and I are in the same business.  I’ll sidestep the entertainment industry because, well, I’m not in it, though I did dream of being a famous actress long ago.  And also because it so complicates your message.  You yourself allude to this:

“I am also aware that inevitably some will comment that because I am a
creative person, I have abdicated my right to a distinction between my
public and private selves, an additional, albeit related, track of
highly distorted thinking that will have to be addressed at another
time.”

Distorted, yes.  But the entertainment industry is distorted to begin with – it deliberately presents a distorted image of life to entertain and, sometimes, educate.

The business we share is education.  You seek to educate the public about body image, misogyny, and feminism.  Allow me to share your mission by shedding some Jewish wisdom on the conversation, as you invite us to join it at the end of your moving and passionate piece.

1. The Hebrew word for face (panim) is etymologically linked to the word for internality (p’nim)?  That’s because our faces reveal that which is on the insides of our souls.  Not our skin tone or flaw scale, but our eyes, our smiles; the body language that speaks so loudly from our faces should others but care to hear the message.

2. Did you know that Jewish Bible tradition teaches that our patriarch (the irony of that title is not lost on me) Abraham was married to our matriarch Sarah for decades before it dawned on him that he was married to a physically beautiful woman?  And even then, he only noticed because he was trying to determine if it was safe for them to travel openly through Egypt, a notoriously immoral country, and therefore attempted to see her through the eyes of the natives.

Do you know why, Ashley?  Because, the tradition continues:  Physical appearance meant nothing to him.  Beauty was not just in the eye of the beholder, but for some of those beholders, purely spiritual in nature.  This is MY hero.  This is MY patriarch.

3.  There are laws in Judaism about dissing other people?  They’re called the laws of lashon hara – literally, evil speech.  In fact, there are volumes, texts, and libraries about this.  You can get a law a day via text or phone or email.  My kids’ Jewish day schools have ongoing programs and learning sessions about it.  There are entire video presentations and educational days about it.

Would you believe it’s one of the worst sins in Judaism ever?  Did you know it includes dissing of public figures as well as unknown nobodies; dissing in print, in speech, with body language, or via text?  To one person or a whole group?  And online dissing is the worst because of the exponential damage.  In fact, the Jewish Talmud goes so far as to state that the victim of the dissing earns the merits of all the good deeds that the perpetrator has achieved throughout his life to date.

I don’t know if you’re a religious person, Ashley, but you’ve gotta admit these are really powerful ideas.  I’ll end with just one more.

4. Judaism teaches that we are both body and soul.  We choose if we’d like to identify more with our bodies or more with our souls.  The problem is that the world, as you’ve so articulately observed, chooses body so much more loudly and so much more often than soul.  This is sad and unfortunate, but Ashley, I’m here to tell you that we can fight the fight.  We can choose soul.  The misogyny and the pettiness will never go away, because humans are flawed, but you and I can continue to be souls more than bodies.  There’s a fine line between fighting the good fight and getting sucked into the drama.

Me?  I’m not playing the game.  I try to live and dress according to the Jewish codes of modesty, as do many other co-religious men and women.  I limit the media exposure in my life.  I strive to learn the Torah regularly to fortify myself with these truths.  I seek out spiritual people who are choosing soul over body.  I’m definitely far from perfect but that’s the fight worth fighting.

I hope you think so too.

Your fellow female non-misogynist soul,

RK