I’ve heard from here, there and yonder that this here blog is rare.  A small slice of safety in shark-infested waters.  I’m quite proud of that, and I think it’s true, but I don’t take the credit.  It’s because I follow a few Jewish rules about not bad-mouthing others, not hurting others with your words, and not responding while angry.

But if you ever felt so compelled to start an online fight, stat, these are the top five inflammatory phrases I’d recommend:

1. Well, IMHO…
Tricky.  It stands for “in my humble opinion” but really means “in my never-to-be-wrong-opinion” a la Dr. Laura Schlesinger.  Usually, it’s a sarcastic and passive-aggressive way to fight, which I highly recommend, since you can always deny it later.  Sarcasm online is remarkably easy to lie about.  Useful.  The “well” at the beginning is a sly way of making it look like you are willing to have a conversation.  Ha ha!

2. I can’t stand it when…
Listen.  We all have gripes. There are lots of things, actually, I don’t think I can stand.  But this phrase is inflammatory, because it says that you are unwilling to put up with this thing for EVEN ONE MORE MINUTE!!!!!!!  Yes, you’re yelling when you say it.   You probably can stand it, you just don’t want to.  And it’s fun to complain about.  Especially online.  This one is handy when you are trying to insult your opponent in addition to “philosophically” disagreeing with “the principle of the matter.”  Two birds, one stone.  See?

3.  Sorry, but…
Fact: you are anything but sorry.  Mad, probably.  Annoyed, yup.  Disagreeable, likely.  This little piece of sarcasm will likely succeed in riling up your opponent by making him/her feel misunderstood and very not apologized to.  Score!

4. Four-letter words
These should actually be disqualified as too easy, but it wouldn’t be a complete list without  them.  All you need to do is drop one of these, and BAM!  You’ve reached your goal.  Fascinating how such a predictable thing makes people see red.

5.  I thought you were reasonable/normal [insert your own word here], but I see I was wrong.
This is kind of underhandedly mean.  It’s like telling your kid, “Well, I was *going to* take you out to ice cream, but since you’re so crabby, we’ll have to go straight home to bed.”  But you never told me!  Right.  So now you tell someone you *used to* have a somewhat higher opinion of him/her, and he/she just smashed it into a zillion pieces.  Chances are, you never imparted the compliment in the first place, but somehow it makes your opponent feel he just lost the crown jewel without even knowing he had it.  Fact is, even if your opponent doesn’t like you very much either, this will hurt.  And that’s quite the point, no?

So there you have it.  It’s so easy.  Look out for these winners, or if you have others, feel free to share below.

It’s been quiet on the blog.

For two reasons:

1. Life has been wonderfully crazy – with our recent Shabbaton, and with the upcoming weddings of my baby sister, and, two weeks later, my baby brother-in-law.  (Don’t worry – they’re in their twenties now.)

2. I’ve been assessing where I am with the blog.  My cyber-sister Skylar recently posted a State of the Union update on her blog, so I’ve decided to copycat.

For some time I’ve been feeling that I’ve accomplished what I set out to in this blog.  I’ve covered many of the major aspects of Orthodox Judaism – leastwise, the ones I’m willing to blog about – in a way that I feel have opened the doors of communication in a respectful way.  So ought I agonize to continually come up with new aspects of Orthodoxy that are different?  Maybe there aren’t all that many, as it turns out.  In the words of the iconic Oprah, as she interviewed a Hasidic family, “We’re more alike than different.”

So does that spell the end of the blog?

No.

I believe it’s just the beginning.  Because with our differences safely out of the way, let’s talk!

Now that we’ve formed a safe community here at OOTOB, I’d like to move on to stage 2.  In stage 2, I’ll be doing the following:

1. Seeking to publish the first half of this blog into a book.

2. Maintaining dialogue about all things Jewish, with your participation.

3. Responding to and discussing stuff that’s in the news or trending out there in the world, as it relates to Jews of various persuasions – like the Oprah story above, the Victoria’s Secret model story, and so much more.

4. Sharing my involved musings on life through the prism of my faith.

5. Posting on topics I hear about from you, my readers, and relating to your comments and thoughts.

That said, I’ll probably be posting less frequently – maybe once or twice a week.  And I’ll be taking about a month’s break to celebrate the weddings in our family!

But I’ll be back – and I can’t wait.  I’ve missed you guys.

Mazel tov to us!  OOTOB has reached 50,000 pageviews since its inception in July.

I have no idea if that is a cool milestone in the world of blogging, but it’s sure exciting to me!  So here’s what I’m gonna do to say thank you to all of you, my dear readers, for bringing us to this moment:  I’m giving away a Maccabeats CD!

Why?

I feel that the Maccabeats are totally in sync with my mission of Jewish unity.  When their CD came out last year, Jews from all over the place were suddenly overcome with Jewish pride.  It was such an amazing Jewish unifier, and I am proud to promote them.  They are proud Jews, talented Jews, and Jews that know how to unify Jews with a positive message.

So here’s what you need to do: leave me a comment telling me how OOTOB has made a difference to you.  Big or small, general or personal, an overriding feeling or a specific post.  And/or, leave a comment about the Maccabeats!  Do you love them?  Have they made a difference in your Jewish indentity, or in your kids’?  In 3 days I will randomly choose a winner!

Woohoo!

I’ve discovered that there are four types of bloggers:

1. Professional bloggers, who blog about their industry: computers, law, crafting, running.
2. Personal bloggers: blogging about a personal journey such as marriage, conversion, raising a special needs child.
3. Sporadic bloggers, who occasionally muse on whatever.  Nothing formal here.
4. Negative bloggers, who blog to spew, vent, and dis, expose, and stir up the pot.

I find this final category extremely disturbing.

I am by nature a positive person.  I know there are negative things to be encountered in this world, and I avoid them like the plague.  I hope I am like my grandmother, who was dealt a pretty rotten hand and has the warmest heart full of faith.  (Not the rotten hand part.)  I associate with wholesome people and look for the good whenever possible.  Not because I’m special, but just because that’s my orientation.

But now that I’ve become a part of the blogosphere, I am encountering that negativity.  People whose every online encounter is loaded with negativity.  Ewww!  I’m allergic.  It almost makes me want a divorce from the blogosphere.  It’s disturbing.  It haunts me.  I can’t sleep at night.

What to do?