Browsing Tag

shabbat

Uncategorized February 8, 2012

Is Hillel Encouraging Going to the Game on Shabbat?

My friend Jessica Bell Semel was describing one of those situations that has the potential to become “one of those” very divisive issues in a community.  This took place a couple of years ago – what do you think?

Situation: Parents’ Weekend at the University of Michigan is coming up,
and Hillel sends out a letter detailing various activities that will be
available in addition to the usual offerings from the University. I
think the letter went to parents of current students – no alumni without
Michigan students.

Opportunities: Friday night services (mehitza
minyan, Reform, Conservative, etc.); Shabbat Dinner at Hillel; Saturday
morning services and lunch; block of tickets for the football game (very
hard to get tickets!) and other assorted events.

The letter
just gives links to register for any of the activities, with a link to
the sports office or Football Gods or something, with a code to put in
to get your football tickets. Please note, the seats are not good at
all, but they ARE seats.

Someone sends an email to Michael
Brooks, the executive director, complaining that Hillel is encouraging
people to go to the game on Shabbat.

He sends out a long
response. Basically, he tells us that in close to 30 years at Michigan
he has never been to a football game since he davens and rests on
Shabbat. However, the culture at Michigan (and all Big 10 schools) is
all about Football Saturdays. His point is that Hillel is open to all
Jews, those that observe, and those that do not, and his organization
has managed (through a wonderful relationship with the university) to
get a block of tickets for any parents that may want to buy them. He is
not advocating going to the game, or not going to the game, only
reaching the kids and their parents wherever they are (a big Hillel
goal, anyhow).

As you might imagine, a great email discussion
ensues – and lots of people are engaged. It was great. By the way, the
University does have some kind of an arrangement so that observant kids
who can’t carry on the sabbath can go to the games without bringing
their tickets. I am not sure how it works, but I do know that some
Cleveland kids who are observant do go to the games.

What do you say readers?  Let the respectful debate ensue!

Uncategorized January 23, 2012

Half-Judaism

Some Jews say:

Why do I need to worry about all these commandments?  I’ll just be a good person and not bother others.  I don’t steal, kill, or commit adultery.  Really, that’s what matters in the grand scheme of things. 

Other Jews say:

The important thing, what makes us Jewish, is our relationship with God.  Prayer, kosher, Shabbat – these are the central Jewish tenets and hallmarks of religiosity.

I say:

You’re both half-right, and you’re both wrong.  You’re both incomplete.  And you’re each only tapping into half-Judaism.

Uncategorized December 15, 2011

Best Jewish Apps

What’s on my phone right now?  I always love the coolness of combining technology with religiosity.  So fun.  So I decided to share with y’all which Jewish apps are currently hanging out on my phone:

1. Zmanim

This literally means “times.”  In Judaism, the exact minute of sunrise and sunset are very important, as well as many points in between (like their midpoint).  Why?  There are certain times of day designated for certain prayers.  When Shabbat and holidays start and end.  When ANY day starts and ends.  Like if you need to figure out which is the 8th day for a bris.  So this app detects your location and offers you all the important times:  sunrise, till when you can do the morning prayers, midday, the earliest time you can do the afternoon prayers, sunset, nightfall, and mid-night (not to be confused with 12:00 am).

You can also change the date or location, like if you want to know when Shabbat will begin in four months (like for people who plan Shabbatons, ahem) or if you’ll be traveling and want to know if you can still catch a minyan at your destination.

2. Siddur

This is a prayerbook app.  The free one is Hebrew only (yup, that’s what I’ve got – I’m cheap, but for a small fee you can download one with English) and has bookmarks for the morning blessings, the Shema, the Amidah, the afternoon prayers (mincha), the evening prayers (maariv), “bentching” – Grace After Meals, the travelers’ prayer, and more.  It’s perfect for when I’m on the go, but, like many anti-Kindle peeps, I feel it’s just not the same.  Also quite distracting when an email or call comes in while I’m supposed to be concentrating on the Lord.  But there’s a concept in Judaism of looking at the words while you pray – even if you know it by heart.  Or maybe especially if you do.  Because it helps you concentrate, while you might be tempted to rattle it off by rote.  So this is great in a pinch.

3. Tehillim

This is the Book of Psalms.  Yeah, in an app.  Oxymoron?  Nah.  Jewish tradition has us turning to this book to pray for assistance or gratitude in any circumstance.  I confess, I’ve never used it.  I always revert to whispering the ones I know by heart.  But it’s very cool and has fun bookmarks.  Also, it makes me feel good just by being on my phone.

4. Calendar converter

This is a totally fun app that gives you the Hebrew dates for English and vice versa.  Very handy for choosing bar and bat mitzvah dates for our Sunday school kids.

5. Google calendar: Jewish holidays

This isn’t really an app, but did you know you could download the Jewish calendar into your google calendar?  Then all the Jewish holidays appear instantly, including Rosh Chodesh (first day of  the new Jewish month), and, if you’d like, the various Torah portions each week.  You can even choose your dialect for Hebrew (like Shabbos or Shabbat).  Very useful for making sure you don’t schedule an event on the first night of Passover or something like that.

6.  Avot

This is all six chapters of Pirkei Avot – the Ethics of the Fathers.  I’m teaching it in a class, and it’s perfect for checking quickly what we’re up to or reviewing before class.

7. Kol Halashon

Just downloaded this last week and I’ve already used it a bunch of times.  It’s for the more experienced learner, and basically it takes what is already a telephone learning service and offers it in app form.  It’s an extensive and organized collection of Torah lectures by today’s most popular lecturers.  You can choose parsha, mishna, Talmud, Jewish law, character improvement.  You can choose Hebrew, English, Yiddish and other languages.  I’ve bookmarked my four favorite lecturers.  You can either download the lectures or just play them, so it’s great for travel.  Eats up quite a bit of memory, but for me, totally worth it.

Which Jewish apps are hanging out on your phone?

Uncategorized November 29, 2011

What Friday Feels Like

When you are Shabbat-observant/Shomer Shabbos, Friday is a Big Deal.

Everything that you can’t do on Shabbat, you have to complete by sundown.  The candles are lit typically 18 minutes before sundown to build in a buffer and make sure you don’t light too late – because creating fire is one of the main things we don’t do on Shabbat.  So, the rush is on!

FOOD: All the food gets cooked prior to Shabbat. So Friday smells great.  Challah, chicken, soup, or whatever is on the menu smells awesome as it preps – all must be ready by sundown.  It can be kept warm over Shabbat, but not cooked.

PEOPLE: We shower and change prior to Shabbat, as though to prepare for an honored guest – which we are.  Torah literature likens the arrival of Shabbat to the arrival of a queen.  The early kabbalists actually danced out in the field and composed songs and poems to welcome her presence.  So Friday sounds like this: “Hurry!  Did you shower yet??  Well, I need to get in!  Let’s go!  Don’t use up all the hot water!  Who wants to give the baby a bath??”  etc.  As far as clothes:  “Have you seen my skirt?  It’s at the cleaners!  You didn’t pick it up??  Can I borrow your shoes?  Where’s my necklace?  Did someone borrow my mascara? You didn’t return it!  Has anyone seen my tie??”  No, we don’t live in a dysfunctionally disorganized home – Shabbat is coming.

HOUSE:  Goal: house to be spotless before Shabbat.  Many of my friends, even those whom are on a super-tight budget, get cleaning help on Friday – to make the house beautiful for the arrival of Shabbat.  Either way, it’s a vacuum-wash kitchen floors-put away laundry-sponge down counters-get rid of all dishes day.  By the time Shabbat arrives, the house looks great.  Till someone changes it.  🙂

TIME:  It’s an hour to Shabbat.  “Let’s go!  Candle-lighting is in an hour!”
TIME: Half hour to Shabbat.  Everyone is fresh and clean.  The clothes are fresh and clean.  The candles are waiting.  The table is (usually) set.  The food is warming in the oven.  The house looks beautiful.
TIME: Candle-lighting (early in winter, late in summer).  I take the match and gather my family around.  I light the candles – two for Shabbat, plus one for each of my children. I cover my eyes, say the blessing, and add my own prayers.  For us, for our kids, for those in my life that need prayer.  For the Land of Israel.  For my friend’s kid. I uncover my eyes, and give each of my children a hug.  My husband goes to services along with any of the children that wish to accompany him.

THE COUCH:  I plop on it.  My kids who are home plop on it. We read, pray, chill and chat.

Shabbat has arrived.

Have you ever experienced the Friday Rush?

Uncategorized November 11, 2011

The Food… Oy, The Food

DISCLAIMER:  I am not a foodie.

One of my healthy foodie friends asked me the following question:

“What’s up with the world of traditional Jewish food?  Why is it so slow to change?”   Do you know what she’s talking about?  I will tell you.  Potato kugel, with lots of oil (yum!).  Cholent, with red meat.  Challah, that’s really cake.  Gefilte fish and chicken soup (double yum!).  Ooh, I’m making myself hungry.  Good thing it’s Thursday.

So I do try to be healthy and eat healthy, but seriously, the definition of what that is, is consistently changing.  Dairy: good/bad?  Eggs: good/bad?  Fish: good/bad?  When I have a new Shabbat guest, here’s what I used to ask:  “Any food allergies?”  Now, I ask: “Any food allergies?  Vegetarians?  Vegans?  Do you eat fish/eggs?  Gluten-free?”  So yeah, the playing field has changed.

Does “healthy eating” mean no potato kugel?  Cuz I can use sweet potatoes, less oil and no eggs, and guess what?  It ain’t everyone’s favorite potato kugel no more.  Yeah, yeah, it’s all about moderation… it’s not either/or, it’s “and”… I know all this.  Two factors, though, make it complex.

1. I have kids.
2. I’m a big believer in (cue Tevye) “tradition!”

So firstly, my kids have, ahem, strong opinions about the foods I cook and serve.  Especially for Shabbat and holidays, which are sacrosanct.  But moreover, *I* want my kids to get a huge dollop of tradition each time we celebrate these Jewish moments.

When I used to walk in from school on Friday afternoon, the house smelled heavenly!  Like challah, roast chicken, and that awesome potato kugel.  And you know what?  My love affair with Judaism oozes from what I’ve experienced with not just my mind, but all five senses.  What Shabbat smells like, tastes like, sounds like, feels like, and looks like are extraordinarily important.  My veins flow with this stuff.  And I want it to, for my kids as well.

How much can I tamper with the favorites till it’s just not traditional any more?

I know that many of you place a much lesser emphasis on “tradition” than I… some argue that change and progress are far more important.  But to folks like me, how to balance?

Thoughts?  Input?  Tips?

Uncategorized September 21, 2011

Help! I’m Freaking Myself Out

Received this email from a reader… Advice?  Thoughts?  Have you been there?

Good morning Ruchi,

I wanted to thank you for so many wonderful blog posts. I have learned a lot from your blog, as well as the people who respond to you. When we met… we both saw some striking differences between our “growing up” years. The one example that I mentioned was that I had only dated one Jewish man (he was a confirmed Atheist).

As summer has moved forward, I am back to learning several days a week. There are moments, and even hours, that I feel safe, comfortable, and “at home” with my return to Jewish learning and growing. There are other moments and hours, that I can feel overwhelmed, and needing to come back to my house, literally, so that I can re-gain and re-integrate the ME that is changing. I love that I can lock my door! 

Last year I became overwhelmed with the amount and content of learning I was doing. It was just after Succos that I called some friends, and said, I need a break. Please don’t invite me for Shabbos.

What I learned from that experience, is that I need to pace myself! VERY IMPORTANT LESSON.

I am starting to feel that way again. I see classes that look interesting, so I go, I have purchased more skirts, and tops that have a higher neck lines (this is a big deal for me). I am going to homes for both Shabbos dinner, as well as Shabbos lunch. I love this part very much. I don’t have a female person in my life that can really walk with me, and help me with my questions and challenges. The friends that I do ask, have been Frum (observant) for so many years, that I feel heard, but not understood.

Many times, I have wanted to call you, and talk with you personally about my journey into Judaism. Pacing, pause, digesting. I sometimes just ride the horse until we are both worn out, and then need to pause. I just don’t want to stop [completely].


What would be really helpful is to know exactly what pages to bench (NCSY version if possible). I want to learn the meaning of the Siddur, not just the words. They are rich with deeper meaning and reasoning. I want to know WHY I am doing WHAT I am doing. I am losing track of what is helpful to read during the day and evening. At this point, I need sticky tabs to help me. I don’t want to fake that I know what I am doing. I sort of do, but I really need assistance.

I did meet with a Rabbi a few times to explain more in-depth meanings of some of the readings. It was helpful. Appropriately, there was a monetary fee for the Rabbi’s individual hour and  I don’t really want to do that right now. Again, I have a strong need and desire to understand what I am reading, and the deeper meaning behind what our Sages wrote. Otherwise, the literal reading leaves me unsatisfied and yearning for more.

PS I am also attempting to learn Hebrew with [my study partner]. We are singing the alphabet! My post graduate degree doesn’t help in this area, and I find learning frustrating, hard, challenging. No wonder I zoned out when I was a kid!


What do you say, readers?  
Too fast/too slow?  
Freaking yourself out/freaking others out?  
Healthy growth/slow growth/stagnation/reaching a plateau?

Uncategorized September 7, 2011

I DON’T Need Costco! I Don’t!

People seem to think my family must consume enormous volumes of food.  And that we must need a mini-bus to transport ourselves places.  And buy diapers by the pallet.

I, however, have resisted joining even Costco till last year.  I hate driving a mini-van.  I will not buy things that are designed for dorms, even if they work well for us.

We are a family, not an institution.  Specifically:

FOOD 

I do my basic grocery shopping at Marc’s, our local budget-friendly grocery that never actually has everything you need (actually my teenage daughter usually does it), augmented by quick fill-ups at Heinen’s – our standard garden-variety supermarket.  Costco usually happens every couple of weeks.  I can’t buy produce there regularly since we can’t finish it all before it goes bad.  It’s good for non-perishables like diapers, paper towels and the like, but sometimes I get lazy and just go to Target, which is so much more fun anyhow.  I keep track of what we need via an app on my phone.  Once or twice a week we hit the kosher butcher for dinner and Shabbos supplies, and to supply other “Jewish” food items.  The kosher grocery is a job my husband handles, since he’s in the ‘hood every day, and I’m not.  Usually only need that trip once a week or so.

CAR

We have a disgustingly boring Toyota Sienna mini-van.  It’s gold.  I hate gold cars.  My husband thought it was my favorite car color, so he surprised me.  It seats 8.  Yes.  I have 9 people in my family, including a car seat and booster, but when do we ever all go somewhere simultaneously?  My son is away at school, so if anything it would be the 8 of us, but when he’s home we take both cars – a similarly boring Toyota Camry.  Honestly, I couldn’t care less about the status of the car I drive, but the mini-van genre to me is so fuddy-duddy middle aged…. *sigh*.  Shockingly, this still bothers me every time I drive it.  I am fanatical about keeping it clean, as though to keep the demons at bay (“She’s let herself go…just look at the car…”).  Thank you, Alpaul Auto Wash.

DINING ROOM

No, it’s not mess hall.  We have a regular dining room and a regular table.  When we have company for Shabbos, we usually bring in an extra table and have the kids sit there, who usually spend a grand total of 2.4 seconds at the table before heading outside to the trampoline.  I have dishes for 16 – a wedding gift from my awesome grandparents.  Beyond that we are using disposables.  And often well before.  If we have more than two families at a time, this is deemed in my mind an “event” and I hire help.

LAUNDRY

My kids do laundry.  OK, pick your jaw up off the floor.  If a 16-year-old can operate a motor vehicle, can she not operate a washing machine?  Each child over bar or bat mitzvah is responsible to wash, dry, fold, put away, sort and otherwise manage her own laundry.  When my son comes home from yeshiva, I do it for him as a special treat.  I have cleaning help that folds the rest of the household laundry and irons.

CLOTHING CONSUMPTION

I’ve hopefully taught my kids one of the golden rules of Jewish shopping: Be Allergic to Retail.  My grandmother taught me this well (traveling from Queens to Manhattan on a regular basis to pursue this goal) and my father-in-law reinforced it.  We also have a pretty decent hand-me-down system going.  If I feel my kids need less than they think, they have the option to buy with their own babysitting money.  I used to feel very strained by the errands involved in this until my daughter got her license.  I now feel like a got a “get out of jail free” pass – yay!  My husband and I are super-low-maintenance when it comes to clothing.  We all splurge on the baby – girls are just too much fun.

EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

Growing up Orthodox, I never realized that there were parents whose discretionary time was nearly entirely consumed by their kids’ after-school activities.  Parents sat through play rehearsals?  Soccer was a full-time job?  This was completely foreign to me.  Sure, as a kid I played piano, acted, wrote, and did public speaking, but none of these activities involved my parents aside from paying for it and transporting me there.  There were siblings and jobs and dinner, and I had absolutely no expectation that my mother would sit through a play rehearsal.  Now, why should she want to do that?  She would see the real thing.  It would be a surprise.  So when I found people asking me how I managed my kids’ activities, at first I wasn’t quite sure what the question was.  Now I do, and here’s the answer.  Extra-curricular activities in large Orthodox families look like this: one kids takes drum lessons.  Mom drops off and picks up.  One kid is in the school play.  Stays after and carpools home.  Involves 2-3 months a year.  Sports are usually casual and take place in the driveway or backyard.  Kids occasionally get a gym or lawn to play something slightly more formal.  Again, we carpool.  With budgets and time constraints, no family schedule is working around any one kid’s activity.  Should I feel guilty about this?  Well, I don’t, so I hope that’s OK.

EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBERS

I have two categories of extended family: those that are wired, and those that are not.  By “wired” I mean Facebook, texting, email.  I keep up with my wired family members, and only speak on the phone occasionally to my non-wired family members.  I mean, it’s not like there are awkward silences or anything – it’s like riding a bike – but I have very little phone time.  We forgive each other and laugh about it and catch up when we catch up.  Again, should I feel guilty about this?  Well, I don’t, because it works for me and my family and we all know we love each other and would drop anything for one another in a pinch.

And that’s how I run my family like a family… and not an institution!

But somehow, I just can’t shake that Costco membership.