It turns out that while Anglos of all stripes think they’re speaking English, there are numerous ways to misunderstand each other:

NY/Midwest/South

US/Great Britain/Australia

Ortho/Non/other point on the spectrum

So, take the quiz!  See what happens. 

1. What do you do with a 2-year-old?

  1. potty train
  2. toilet train
  3. pamper him
2. What is the soft piece of furniture that you sit on?

  1. sofa
  2. couch
  3. not sure, but it’s encased in plastic
3. What do you call the bag that kids use for school?
  1. backpack
  2. knapsack
  3. briefcase
  4. Seriously?  Briefcases are for people that have completed law school.
4. What is a kids’ favorite pasta dish?
  1. mac ‘n cheese
  2. macaroni with ketchup
  3. farfellach
5. What do you call sparkling water?
  1. Pellegrino
  2. soda water
  3. seltzer
6. What is the meal you eat at 6 pm?
  1. dinner
  2. supper if at home, dinner if at a restaurant or fundraiser
  3. supper 
7. What do you call the World Wide Web?
  1. Innernet (as in counnertop and Conninennal Airlines)
  2. Internet
  3. Whazzat?
8. What do you call your mother?
  1. My mom
  2. My mother
  3. Mommy
9. What do you call the vacation from school in the winter?
  1. Winner break (see: innernet)
  2. Winter vacation
  3. Umm… Chanukah?
10. What phrase do you use to end a phone conversation?
  1. Talk to you later (even if you won’t)
  2. Be well, take care
  3. Zy gezunt
11. What do you do with children at 7:30 pm?
  1. Put them to bed
  2. Put them to sleep
  3. Go shluffy
12. What phrase do you use upon complimenting your children?
  1. Knock on wood
  2. Thank G-d, Baruch Hashem
  3. Kenainahara poo poo poo
Scoring!!
Mostly ones: You likely have very little Yiddish influence in your lexicon.  Mazel tov on the Queen’s English.
Mostly twos: Traces of Ortho-speak, but you’re still a chameleon.
Mostly threes: Ortho-speak rules!  Mazel tov!