When you are Shabbat-observant/Shomer Shabbos, Friday is a Big Deal.
Everything that you can’t do on Shabbat, you have to complete by sundown. The candles are lit typically 18 minutes before sundown to build in a buffer and make sure you don’t light too late – because creating fire is one of the main things we don’t do on Shabbat. So, the rush is on!
FOOD: All the food gets cooked prior to Shabbat. So Friday smells great. Challah, chicken, soup, or whatever is on the menu smells awesome as it preps – all must be ready by sundown. It can be kept warm over Shabbat, but not cooked.
PEOPLE: We shower and change prior to Shabbat, as though to prepare for an honored guest – which we are. Torah literature likens the arrival of Shabbat to the arrival of a queen. The early kabbalists actually danced out in the field and composed songs and poems to welcome her presence. So Friday sounds like this: “Hurry! Did you shower yet?? Well, I need to get in! Let’s go! Don’t use up all the hot water! Who wants to give the baby a bath??” etc. As far as clothes: “Have you seen my skirt? It’s at the cleaners! You didn’t pick it up?? Can I borrow your shoes? Where’s my necklace? Did someone borrow my mascara? You didn’t return it! Has anyone seen my tie??” No, we don’t live in a dysfunctionally disorganized home – Shabbat is coming.
HOUSE: Goal: house to be spotless before Shabbat. Many of my friends, even those whom are on a super-tight budget, get cleaning help on Friday – to make the house beautiful for the arrival of Shabbat. Either way, it’s a vacuum-wash kitchen floors-put away laundry-sponge down counters-get rid of all dishes day. By the time Shabbat arrives, the house looks great. Till someone changes it. 🙂
TIME: It’s an hour to Shabbat. “Let’s go! Candle-lighting is in an hour!”
TIME: Half hour to Shabbat. Everyone is fresh and clean. The clothes are fresh and clean. The candles are waiting. The table is (usually) set. The food is warming in the oven. The house looks beautiful.
TIME: Candle-lighting (early in winter, late in summer). I take the match and gather my family around. I light the candles – two for Shabbat, plus one for each of my children. I cover my eyes, say the blessing, and add my own prayers. For us, for our kids, for those in my life that need prayer. For the Land of Israel. For my friend’s kid. I uncover my eyes, and give each of my children a hug. My husband goes to services along with any of the children that wish to accompany him.
THE COUCH: I plop on it. My kids who are home plop on it. We read, pray, chill and chat.
Shabbat has arrived.
Have you ever experienced the Friday Rush?
I'm still getting used to the Friday rush. 🙂
Odd that it doesn't matter whether it's the dead of winter with a really early start or the middle of summer when sunset is late. The last hour is always a scramble.
And then there are those who bring in Shabbos early.
No matter when Shabbos comes in the rush is on! I love the bustle polishing silver, tablecloths on, shutting lightbulb in fridge, putting on the blech. It's a wonderful time.
I'm getting much better at the Friday juggling act, but when we were first married my husband and I would end up having some sort of stupid argument every Friday as we rushed around in a haze. It was only when we realized that our parents had been doing this for years, with many children and larger houses, that we stopped to think about it. We had to call them and give them props for never letting us feel a strain about shabbos – and it gave us and understanding of how to get things done with joy and excitement. Now we make sure to have music playing while we work and most importantly, we've started EATING on Friday…..makes all the difference:)
Larry, I briefly (for five seconds) thought about trying that. Truthfully, my main task last year was not to get upset at my family on Friday. For me it started with being more organized with managing my Friday tasks, delegating appropriately as opposed to expectations and yelling, and starting sooner. Having older kids helps so much.
Cs, welcome to OOTOB! Your blog is magnificent. I subscribed and look forward to reading your work. You are quite talented …oh, and yea for remembering to eat on Friday 🙂
Chanale I agree. The anticipation is its own fun.
After writing what follows I realize my Shabbat experience is probably completely different from yours, given that my wife and I have no children.
I find that I love the way Shabbat changes character superficially as we go through the cycle of the year. This time of year Shabbat comes in early, so erev Shabbat is hectic, but we have time for long leisurely dinners with friends filled with talking and zemirot, while still getting plenty of sleep. Shabbat day itself has a quicker pace, as we go from shul to meal to shiur to shul (for mincha, shalosh seudah, and maariv) and then its over and we have the whole evening to do secular stuff (or a melave malka).
In the summertime Shabbat comes in late so preparations are easier, but the long meals Friday night mean we don't get much extra sleep. But summer is the season for Shabbat naps. As Barry Deutsch said in Hereville "Naps are 12 times better on Shabbos – its a scientific fact!". Shabbat day during the summer takes up all of 'Saturday', so there is time to do a lot of different things.
Fridays are always a rush at our house! My goal is also not to get upset at my family, get more organized, and delegate more.
Larry I do know exactly what you mean 🙂 Personally I love winter shabbos. I love having a leisurely Friday evening after dinner, and I also love having an evening after shabbos ends.
I also love the feeling of being all cozy and snug in our shabbos – permeated home while outside the snow is falling.
Kathleen, welcome to OOTOB! Glad you stopped in. Good luck with the Friday goals.
Do you really have all your kids around you when you light?
There have been exceptions, but pretty much yeah.