It was a long time ago – at least 30 years. I was in junior high school and I don’t remember the circumstances. But here’s what I do remember: there was some food that we didn’t want to throw away, and someone said “I’ll eat it, so it doesn’t go to waste.”
Then my teacher said the line I would never forget: “Your stomach is not a garbage can.”
Visual imagery is powerful, but that wasn’t the only reason it stuck with me. As a grandchild of Holocaust survivors, we understood well that food must not be wasted. What was both avant-garde and spiritually ancient about my teacher’s proclamation was the notion that our bodies are temples; that they ought to be treated with respect; that shoving unwanted food in them is merely another form of waste and worse, mistreatment. To me, this was revolutionary.
In our age of eating disorders and body dysmorphia, these concepts are more relevant than ever.
I don’t feel like enough Jews have heard these ideas in Judaism. In yoga, maybe. In therapy, maybe. In meditation, maybe. In Judaism? Not so much. Maybe we have a PR problem, but young Jews seem so much more curious about spiritual concepts outside of Judaism.
“Your body is a temple” is quite literal in Jewish philosophy. Your body is holy because it houses your soul, and you are holy for carrying a spark of the divine. So the food you eat is fuel for this divine structure – nothing more and nothing less.
And I was grateful to know this when I had the following conversation with my 8-year-old daughter:
N: Mommy, there are five more corn nuts in this bag. I guess I’ll finish them.
Me: Do you want them?
N: Ummm not really.
Me: Then throw them out.
N: Throw them out??
Me: Yes. Your stomach is not a garbage can.
Silence.
Me (launching into teachable moment): Do you know what that means, Nomes? It means your body is holy and special because it carries your soul and because you can do so many good deeds with it. So you have to treat it with respect. And we don’t just stuff food in our bodies if we don’t want it.
More silence. She’s processing. Which is fine, because she’s eight. And she has time. I told her that a smart teacher of mine once taught me that and now I’m going to teach it to her.
We have a lot of work to do with our daughters and body image and self-respect. Parents face media onslaughts which our kids now carry around in their back pockets everywhere they go, with images of perfect-looking people and none of the backstory of how those images came to look so perfect.
So we need tools. We need weapons. We need answers and information with which to empower our daughters and, for that matter, our sons. And if Judaism has a tool or two, well, I feel compelled to share.
Your body is holy. It deserves respect. It is not a garbage can. Now go teach it to someone else. Pass it on.
I will totally be using this with my junk-food-obsessed 8 year old daughter, and health coaching clients too… As someone who has journeyed into the world of health and wellness gradually over the past five years, I have often grabbed at straws while trying to articulate this idea to others who question my lifestyle. I think this hits the nail on the head, in a variety ways (besides not finishing food just because, there is also not eating junk that is bad for you, not neglecting physical self-care, not engaging in self-harm, and so much more.) Thank you for another – yet again – very on-target and simple yet powerful message!
I do think there is a place for junk food sometimes 🙂
Oh, yes, yes, yes. “Cheating” is important – like everything, it’s all a balance … all in moderation 🙂
Not to quibble. But I don’t consider it cheating. I consider it legitimate eating.
Haha!! I concede! junk food is a necessity!!
BUT. I maintain there would be no quibble at all if we were discussing certain kids’ proportions of what we call in our house REAL food versus the (albeit sometimes necessary) junk. That’s all 😛
In any case, I think your message about self-respect and body image often boils down to finding that inner intuition and learning how to let it guide us towards that ever-elusive balance – e.g. eating the right things at the right times with appropriate intentions, etc.
Agreed, Ruchi Koval. “Cheating” certainly isn’t a spiritually positive concept in Judaism, anyway. That verbiage doesn’t align with current treatment of EDs, either.
I agree with Julie about the use of the word “cheating”. “Healthy” is contextual. If you’re malnourished, a Snickers bar is a healthy choice. Having re-fed my kid after her hospitalization with ED, I learned a lot about what damage judgey food language can wreak.
Ouch. So true.
I think that “cheating” also connotes a need to be secretive about it. Eating is just eating. Outside of active EDs, we all want to strive for balance and moderation, and that comes through allowing all foods without shame, while paying attention to the signals our bodies are giving us.
I would love to hear more about what is a healthy attitude towards junk food, and if you view it differently on shabbos and holidays vs weekdays….summer vacations vs school year….struggling with this also with a preteen daughter 🙂 and myself too 🙂
I subscribe to the Intuitive Eating philosophy. Look it up.
Ruchi, I love that you’re an advocate for it!!
We just had a session this morning for kallah teachers and Mikvah ladies on body image and how it affects women and their marriages, and this is right on target! Can’t wait to share it with our group!
So incredible you’re doing that.
I would be really interested to know more about what kallah teachers and Mikvah ladies do. This is one of those extremely O things that I know essentially nothing about, none of it ever mentioned in Reform Sunday school.
Kallah teachers have morphed a lot since I was engaged 25 years ago. In my day they basically taught the laws of “family purity” – going to the mikveh, and the nature of the sexual relationship between husband and wife based on the menstrual cycle each month. Now, and I am so grateful for this, kallah teachers are increasingly teaching young (and often sexually inexperienced) brides about sexual health, emotional health within a marriage, detecting abuse, body image and sexuality, how to navigate going from relatively sheltered and inexperienced to becoming a sexually comfortable married woman, marital norms and having a strong empowered marriage. In a best-case scenario your kallah teacher will keep in touch with you after marriage and serve as a mentor if any issues arise in the relationship.
Mikveh ladies are women who volunteer at the mikveh and facilitate the immersion. Again, this role has morphed. When I was a young married woman, they were sort of like the “mikveh cops” to (mostly politely) make sure your nails were cut and all the mikveh preparations and immersion were kosher. Now I find there has been a definite conscious change where they ask if you would like anything checked. The actual immersion is supervised in a remarkably dignified way based on most mikvehs I’ve experienced around the world. I know there is still work to be done, but things are definitely moving in the right direction.
So fascinating! Thanks for the frank explanation of these private topics.