Two weeks ago, I published a post entitled: The 5 Things I Wish All Orthodox Person Knew. It went viral (well, for me) and hit 2000 views in 5 days – which totally took me by surprise!
One of the points I made was that Orthodox people should know that there is no insularity or privacy anymore, and that sometimes people who used to be Orthodox will post negative experiences that they have had, as will journalists, bloggers, etc. – that nothing we do is private, and that one should have a healthy respect and awareness for this phenomenon.
Ususally, when I receive an Anonymous comment, I get a pit in my stomach as I open the email, because Anonymous comments on a blog like this are often trolls/angry people/negative commenters.
Yet, this one was not, and here’s what Anonymous said:
“This is one of your best posts.
Also, Ruchi, when you think
critically of us “angry former Ortho-folk” try to imagine how you might
have ended up not only without the benefit of the three influences you
listed, but with all the drawbacks of the opposite influences.
It’s
wonderful to imagine that you would have come out unscathed, that you
would never look like us, but we all imagined that kind of stuff until
we got here too :)”
See my reply there, in the comments section, where I promised Anonymous a response.
And here it is.
Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, thank you for your kind words. I always appreciate positive feedback about this forum. I spend a lot of time obsessing about this blog ad nauseum thinking about this blog, so the idea that others are benefiting is absolutely what keeps it going.
Secondly, while I am not thinking critically of AFOF (angry former Ortho-folk), I AM thinking critically of those who believe that it is their right or mandate to publicly spread negative information about any other group of humankind.
I just read an article this week about a former skinhead, Tom Leyden, who now works with the Simon Weisenthal Center. He decries Jews who blast other kinds of Jews online, saying “neo-Nazis don’t care what kind of Jew you are” – and points out that bigots and supremacists use just such sites to collect ammo against Jews. Chilling: a skinhead has to remind us not to blast negativity about one another online.
That said, I turn to the end of your comment: that my experience was blessed, even charmed; that minus my charmed upbringing, there but for the grace of God go I.
True.
I speak often of judging, and I believe that humans can’t be judged, but actions and philosophies must be judged. I look at you, Anonymous, as a whole person. I don’t know if you are one of those folks who spreads bad stuff online. If you are, I fully disapprove of the practice. It is one of the awful-est things out there. But in any event, I know I cannot judge you. I can’t judge your pain; can’t judge your decision to leave Orthodoxy (and maybe subsequently re-embrace it, your own way?); can’t judge any experience that you had or temptation that you endured or agony that you lived through or disillusionment that you suffered. Because any way you slice it, it’s rarely about walking away from Orthodoxy to eat a cheeseburger. The journey is fraught with pain, disappointment and estrangement.
I think. What do I know?
What I DO want the world to know, and is a huge reason I started this blog, is that there are many, many Orthodox Jews who are happily living the life; who had positive experiences growing up and positive experiences with their parents; who are wonderful human beings; who love God and are in healthy marriages and are raising well-adjusted kids; who try to do good things and acts of kindness and pray for others. They don’t make a lot of noise, and the world may be oblivious to them, but I’d like that to end. I’d like for the world to sit up and take notice.
And, Anonymous, I don’t know if this will make you feel loved or annoyed, but they are praying for your well-being too…
As this post touches on sensitive issues, I’d like to remind my readers that comments that are angry, snide or negative will not be published.
