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Controversial Observations, Uncategorized May 7, 2014

I Love My House

No one will complain when you get a bonus post in the middle of the week, right?

It’s been nearly five years since we’ve moved into our new home, and guess what?  The pretty paint job is marred with spots and dents, the tile is cracking in various places, and the white pristine molding looks… neither white nor pristine.

When we remodeled this home, I felt incredibly conflicted.  Because I really, really liked my new house.  In fact… I loved it.  But you’re not supposed to love a house.  You’re supposed to love people, experiences, God.  So I worked on myself to channel that love positively.  I will use my house for Torah!  Host guests.  Open it up for other people’s guests.  Have Shabbos and holidays here.  Have Torah classes here.  Fill it with love for my family, warm memories, and delicious meals (that I will cook quickly).  Then it will be perfectly legitimate to love my house, because it’s a house that is altruistic and not selfish.

I also asked myself two questions:

1. If the Messiah were to come tomorrow, and you had to leave this home and move to Israel, would you be sad or happy?

2. When the house shows its age, or the kids ruin it, as kids inevitably do so well, will you be resentful?

I gotta say, the first one was pretty easy.  I would do it in a heartbeat.  The second one was hard.  And every day that my kids or guests have spilled grape juice on the carpet, thrown a cordless phone at the wall (fer instance), broken the lock on the back door (true story), or otherwise systematically and ruthlessly destroyed my beautiful home, with each of these moments I’ve tried to hard to remember “we love people more than homes.”

Julia Blum, a singer and songwriter originally from Beverly Hills, California, describes her very first Shabbos in Jerusalem as a guest in someone’s tiny apartment.  The daughter was carrying in chicken on a beautiful platter, seemingly the only expensive item in the whole home.  As she did, she slipped, and the tray fell to the ground and shattered.  The parents’ eyes met over the table, and simultaneously, both shouted “Mazel tov!”

In Julia’s words, “It was the first time I had encountered the attitude that so instinctively, people were more important than things.”  She describes, hilariously, walking into a home in her native Beverly Hills where you were met by a butler, your coat could only be hung in certain places, and some rooms were off-limits to guests.

So now it’s the moment of truth.  The house is no longer new and fresh.  Its age and flaws are showing. And yet, when I think back, I recall five years of great memories, great Shabbos meals, great events, great conversations.  I love my house.  And this time, for all the right reasons.

Snake Path
Uncategorized May 4, 2014

How to Cook Shabbat Dinner in One Hour

Inspired by the popularity of my post on How to Clean for Passover in One Day, I decided to tell y’all how I cook for Shabbos in an hour.  Because I’m all about saving time and getting out of the kitchen.  A friend of mine recently told me I am doing the Jewish world a service by standing up there and admitting that I don’t like to cook, so of course I’m all about doing a mitzvah, benefiting others, yada yada.

So hear this now: I’m Jewish, I’m religious, I’m the mother of a large family, my husband is even a rabbi, and I DON’T LIKE TO COOK.  I’d much rather go for a walk with someone I love, or even like; read something really interesting; socialize with friends; or play a game with my kids.  For those of you that love the patchke, you may click right away from the page with no hard feelings at all.

And yet I cook Shabbos food pretty much every week and love to host guests.  Here’s how I do it:

THE MENU:

Homemade challah
Partially homemade gefilte fish
Homemade matza ball soup
Roast chicken
Salads
Rice
Grilled vegetables
Pareve ice cream dessert

THE TRICKS:

There’s a secret.  You have to prepare the challah dough in advance.  And you have to do shopping in advance.  And not everything will be homemade.

SHOPPING LIST:

(I’ve only included the things you’re unlikely to have on hand.)

  1. yeast
  2. loaf of frozen gefilte fish (I don’t find the brand matters much; I shop the cheapest brand)
  3. chicken, for the soup and for the main
  4. any bottled salad dressing or sauce
  5. veggies for the salads and roasted veg dish
  6. matza ball soup mix
  7. pareve ice cream or sorbet for dessert
  8. net bag for your chicken soup

PREPARING THE CHALLAH DOUGH IN ADVANCE:

Throw the following into a bowl:

  • 1.5 Tbsp yeast
  • 2 c. warm water
  • 1 c. sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 c oil
  • 1 Tbsp salt
  • 7-8 cups flour
Mix well and allow to rise by covering with saran.  Leave overnight in fridge, or on counter for a few hours.
Estimated time: 10-15 minutes.
THE REST OF THE MENU:
  1. Start by mixing up your matza ball mix according to package directions and put in fridge to firm up.  Estimated time: 5 minutes.
  2. Next, peel all the veggies for your roasted veggies and for the soups (I like onion, carrots, sweet potato, celery, and squash in my soup).  Throw your veggies for the soup in a large pot along with the chicken.  I put the chicken in the bag for easy removal.  Fill pot with water to the top, season with salt, pepper, dill, and whatever else you like.  Put it up to boil.  Estimated time: 10 minutes.
  3. Next, clean your chickens and arrange in a nice dish.  Pour some bottled dressing or sauce (any will work) and put in oven for two hours uncovered at 350.  Estimated time: 10 minutes.
  4. Now, take your gefilte fish, unwrap it from both the plastic and wax paper, and transfer to a loaf pan partially frozen.  Spray or brush the top with olive oil and sprinkle with lemon pepper or any seasonings.  Put it in the oven for two hours.  Estimated time: 5 minutes.
  5. Next, arrange your roast veggies in a pan.  I drizzle with two tablespoons olive oil, basil, rosemary, kosher salt, and freshly ground pepper.  Put in oven for two hours.  Estimated time: 5-10 minutes.
  6. Now prepare your salads.  I can’t put a time on this; it all depends how you like your salads.  I sometimes do the salads just before dinner anyway, so I’m going to leave it out of the equation.
  7. Now deal with your challah.  I have instructions for that here.  Not counting rising time, this should take 10 minutes, depending on how fancy you get with your braids and how new you are at it.  Estimated time: 10 minutes.
  8. Take your matza ball mix out of the fridge and form into balls.  Fill a pot with water and bring to a boil.  Drop in matza balls and allow to cook.  Estimated prep time: 5 minutes.
  9. The rice is super-fast because I have a rice cooker.  I throw the rice in there with water, a little oil, some soy sauce and frozen veggies, and just turn the thing on.  But before I had a rice cooker, I did it in a pan in the oven and it was almost as easy.  Estimated time: 5 minutes.
As you’ve realized, dessert is store bought, so that’s easy.  Also, a comment on doubling recipes to freeze.  I rarely do this.  I know everyone swears it’s a time-saver, but it’s also a time-saver to braid fewer challahs, roll fewer matza balls, and clean fewer chickens.  This is a different strokes for different folks kind of decision. 
And there you have it… Shabbos dinner, in an hour or less.
Woman holding a cupcake, smiling at camera.
Uncategorized April 27, 2014

Staying In for Yizkor

Yizkor is one of the strangest events that happens in a synagogue.  Most of the members leave the sanctuary, and only some stay to say a special prayer that only applies to them.  The reason for this is that if someone has both of their parents alive, and is thus not obligated to say Yizkor, it would be an “ayin hara” to stay in and have all the bereft congregants feel envious.

Yizkor is said four times a year: on Yom Kippur, the last day of Sukkot, the last day of Passover, and the second day of Shavuot.  There’s also a custom to light a yahrtzeit candle for our loved one the night before Yizkor is said, and to say “L’EEloy nishmat [Hebrew name ben/bat father’s Hebrew name]” which means, “may this be an elevation of the soul of [insert name of loved one]”.  A candle is compared to a soul in a number of places in Jewish literature and lighting a candle is a Jewish way to memorialize a loved one.


I’m in the Yizkor Club – the club no one wants to be in.  I’ve been saying Yizkor since I am 7 years old, aware of the pity for being so young.  Even now at 39, it’s somewhat depressing that a person my age has to say Yizkor, even though it’s actually one of my favorite things to say.  I’ve always connected very strongly to what Judaism teaches us about the afterlife, and in Yizkor, it’s so poignantly and openly discussed – essentially, permission to dwell on death.  
It’s kind of like the elephant in the room.  Talking about the loved ones that we miss, especially decades later, is something that’s not socially appropriate most of the time, and those of us who have lost a loved one treasure the opportunity to talk about them, cry for them, and mourn a mini-mourning.  More, Yizkor is my chance to offer help to my deceased father by asking God to remember him in the next world.  This is incredibly empowering in a situation which mostly leaves one feeling helpless.
It always suprises me how short Yizkor is.
God, please remember the soul of my father, my teacher, Moshe ben Aryeh Leibush, who has gone on to his world.  Because of this, I will commit to giving tzedakah in his merit.  May his soul be bound up in the bonds of life, with the sould of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah and with the other righteous men and women who are in the Garden of Eden; and let us say Amen.
That’s it.  But the old ladies in shul always hung around for longer, leaving me wondering what on earth they were doing for so long.  So since I didn’t want to leave conspicuously early, I just used those moments to meditate on my loss, and my hopes for the future.
It was in those moments, I discovered the Kel Malei Rachamim prayer that delves even more beautifully into what is going on with the souls of our loved ones in the next world.
God who is full of mercy, who dwells on high, please find a good peacefulness, on the wings of the Shechinah (Divine Spirit of femininity), in the lofty heights of the holy and pure, who shine like the brilliant brightness of heaven, to the soul of Moshe ben Aryeh Leibush, who has gone to his eternal rest.  Because of this I commit to giving tzedakah on behalf of his soul.  May his resting place be in the Garden of Eden.  Therefore, may the Master of mercy care for him under the protection of His wings forever, and bind his soul in the bond of everlasting life.  God is his inheritance and may he rest in peace, Amen.
These last few lines are so incredibly moving and comforting for me.  They remind me anew each time that death is not an end, that what we see is not all there is, that I matter in continuing the legacy of my father, that Jewish continuity effected by me and my siblings matter to him, and that I am not at all helpless in the face of loss and tragedy.
Yizkor.
May God remember, and may we remember.
What has your experience been with saying Yizkor?
Metal bowl with plastic wrap on countertop.
Uncategorized April 13, 2014

Four More Questions to Ask on Passover

Father, I’d like to ask you the Four Questions.  Why is this night different from all other nights?

The first question is:

Why do we get generations together for the Seder?

Because the whole point of the seder is the Haggadah, which literally means, the telling.  We’re commanded, “And you should tell your children on that night saying, ‘God took us out of the land of Egypt!'” Which essentially means that if you’re wondering when is the right time to sit your kid down and transmit what you know and care about Judaism, this is the night.  So we get generations together so that one generation can transmit to the next what it’s all about.  Being Jewish.  Being a nation.  Being free to be a Godly people.

The second question is:

Why is matzah so hard to digest?


This is a difficult question, my son.  But I’ll do my best.  You know how “wonderbread” was called that because it was so easy to digest?  Matzah is the barest form of bread ever.  It’s supposed to be rough stuff.  It’s supposed to be uncomfortable.  If you don’t like it, that’s a good sign.  Eat it anyway.  For a week.  And see how you do.  That’s a teeny, tiny glimmer into being a slave.  Kvetch if you must, but that’s the point.

The third question is:

Why do Passover and Easter always coincide?

You are a perceptive one, son.  Good job.  Easter was tied to the lunar calendar, not the solar one, and thus didn’t have a set date.  Due to the way it was set up, it invariably coincides with Passover.  More, the Last Supper was likely a Passover Seder – Easter is about Passover in its origin.

The fourth question is:

Why do so many Jews eat kosher food on Passover?

I don’t know the answer to that one, son.  But  I will say this: observing Passover in some way is an almost universal expression of being Jewish.  90% of Jewish couples attend a Seder, and 65% of intermarried couples do.  This and lighting Chanukah candles are the two most widely observed Jewish rituals.  Chanukah’s easy: it competes with Christmas.  But Passover?  Why Passover?  Something tells me that Jews sense that this holiday is about our very identity, our infancy.  About asking the older generation to give us something of meaning to take along.  Even if we don’t identify strongly, we sense that tossing this ritual aside is something of a sacrilege.  And maybe continuing the holiday throughout the week, by altering our eating habits, is a part of that.

Can I ask you a question, now, son?

Sure, dad.

How did I get so lucky to get a son like you, who asks such great questions about Judaism?

I dunno, dad, I guess the same way I got a dad like you, who can answer them.

Happy Passover to all my OOTOB readers!  See everyone after Passover!

Crossed dough pieces on a granite surface.
Uncategorized April 7, 2014

My Kid, the Professional Jew

Dateline:  child is 5 years old.

Rabbi, I’d love to come to that class/Shabbat dinner/program/event, but we really can’t.  My daughter is in a dance recital/my son is in a basketball tournament.  Maybe next time.  Hopefully next time.  For sure next time!
Dateline:  child is a teen.
Rabbi, I’m so distraught.  My kids are so disinterested in Judaism.  They’re so busy with school and sports, it just really doesn’t mean much to them right now.  I worry about their future.  What will Judaism mean to them on college campuses?
What we say:
I’m so sorry.  Maybe we can meet with him/her?  Talk, take a class, a program?  Trip to Israel?  Birthright?

What we think:
Where were you when your child was 5?  If you will prioritize Judaism over dancing and basketball when your child is 5, your child will have a chance at Judaism winning over dancing and basketball as a teen.
Ask yourself this tough question, and really dig deep for the answer:
When your kid is a teen, would you prefer that your kid be a professional dancer?  Basketball player?  And what are the chances of that happening? Or a professional Jew?  One who’s well-trained, proud, and skilled?
Billboard advertising JFX event this Thursday.
Uncategorized March 31, 2014

State of the blog, take 3

OK, folks.  Buckle your seat belts.  OOTOB is making some great new changes, and here’s what you can expect:

1. My new domain.

Check out your URL bar.  See how it says “outoftheorthobox.com” instead of the “blogspot” domain? Yup, we’re growing up.  Cutting the blogspot apron strings and paying our own rent.  Whether you find this as exciting as I do, I don’t know, but I’m liking it.  I’ll also have an @outoftheorthobox.com email address, which I’ll update on the contact page as soon as it’s live.

2. Spreading my reach.

For a long time I resisted any other social media platform other than my familiar Facebook.  I even tried and left Twitter for awhile, and surely laughed that a place like Pinterest would make room for this blog.  But I’ve been educating myself on blogging and have decided to join those two platforms – not as myself, Ruchi Koval, but as OOTOB – just to put my blog in front of more eyeballs.  I’m building my reach slowly.  Help me by finding and following me on Twitter and Pinterest (and Facebook if you haven’t yet done so, where I’ve created an OOTOB page – something else I’ve resisted for awhile), and sharing, liking, pinning, retweeting, favoriting my content there when you like it!

Note: on both Twitter and Pinterest, you can find me by searching for “Out of the Ortho Box” or outoftheorthobo – notice the missing “x.”  That’s because they limit your letters.  Just click the link above and you’ll be taken to my page.

3. Blog makeover.

It’s time to move off a free template from Blogger and actually get a designer to snazz up the blog.  I will definitely stick to orange, my favorite color and an optimistic one, and to the contemporary, clean feel, but I’m going to be adding some fun stuff:

  • You’ll be able to find me on social media and email from the home page.
  • You’ll be able to share each post on social media and email at the end of each post.
  • I will still retain the easy, no-need-to-log-in-and-create-an-account method of commenting, so no worries there.
  • I will have different pages for each different type of post (more on this soon).
  • In general, it will have a cooler, more interesting look – not exactly sure what.  I’m in the process of hiring a designer and I’m welcoming suggestions!
4. Categories.
It has long bothered me that I have something of an identity crisis here on the blog.  Like, I’m not exactly sure who I’m talking to when I post.  Some of my posts address non-Orthodox Jews, explaining why we do certain things, or how to do them.  Some are simply Jewish inspiration, more addressed to religiously-oriented readers who are looking for that.  Sometimes I make controversial observations.  To whom am I speaking?  Well, I finally sorted this out in my mind.  I am talking to all of you.  There are non-Jews, atheists, Orthodox Jews, and Jews who have never met an Orthodox Jew, and they are reading this blog.  So I have eight different types of posts on this blog, and some of my readers will find some of them interesting and others not – and maybe some will find only a fraction of them interesting, and others will find all types potentially interesting.  And that’s okay, because I’m serving a super-diverse readership and this is a good way to do it.
To that end, I’ve gone back in to all 238 of my old posts and assigned each one one or more of the eight categories, and I’m going to create a page for each, so you’ll be able to click on the page and see all the posts I’ve ever written in that category.  Fun, right?  
Further, with each of my future posts I will scroll regularly through each category, so you’re getting an even range of my different types of posts.
Here are the eight:
1. Book reviews
2. Interviews
3. How-to Judaism
4. Controversial observations (these will require a glass of wine prior to posting)
5. Why Orthodox Jews do the things they do
6. Q&A received from real people in the real world
7. Jewish inspiration
8. (This is a new category) My favorite round-up of Jewish posts from around the web
I will also periodically, but not regularly, post about Jewish food, and about me and the blog.
5. Future posts.
I already said above that I’m going to be regularly posting on a schedule. rotating between each of the eight categories.  Some will overlap.  For example, I may do a book review that is also a controversial observation.  Or an interview that contains lots of Jewish inspiration.  Or a Q&A that will answer why we do the things we do or how to do something in a more Jewish way.
Monday will be the day that I put up each new post.  You can expect a new post each week, barring unusual circumstances.  For those of you signed up via email (and see the right sidebar to sign up if you’d like to get an email with each new post) you will get the email around 1 am or 2 am early Tuesday morning.  This is an automated system that sends out all posts published within the previous hours.  It is not me staying up till 2 am to email you.
On the day I post something new, I’ll post it to Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest right away, and the email will come that night.
Got it??  Those are all my updates.  I’m really excited about bringing the blog to the next level and making it more professional, even-handed, beautiful, far-reaching, and ultimately, educational and unifying.  Thanks for being my partners in making it so.