Hey OOTOB readers! Hope everyone is having a nice summer – albeit tempered by all the frightening news out of Israel. I’ve been doing some traveling but I’m back, and I’m on Kveller today, talking about how my Holocaust survivor grandmother is helping me stay young forever.
I was the Peter Pan who was never going to grow up.
I drank regular Coke well into my 20s, loved roller coasters when everyone else my age turned green thinking about them, went back to camp as a grown up for five years, and preferred surprise birthday parties well past adolescence
Then, somewhere along the way, I changed.
I think one reason I didn’t want to change was because, to me, the moment I stopped loving roller coasters, I was old. And by “old” I don’t mean mature, responsible, wise, or even physically less capable. I meant the kind of “old” I promised myself I’d never be: boring, pessimistic, jaded, Debbie Downer. Read the rest here…
Sweet article. Is your grandmother as observant as you are, did she grow up the same way you did?
Separate note: While traveling this summer and feeling "old" in my middle-aged body at the beach and around different cities it occurred to me that the modesty rules you follow have a benefit I hadn't considered. That is, many of the parts of me that summer clothes show, like shoulders, legs, tummy, don't look like they used to and it was bumming me out every single day. I guess if I weren't seeing younger women's parts so much I wouldn't be as conscious of how I now want to cover these parts up, or at least dress them tastefully. The rules you follow maybe make it easier to get older and lose some of that youthfulness in the body, because it's not seen by most people anyway. But this is not a "Jewish" benefit, it's just a side effect I suppose.
I often think about that as I look at the frum older women I meet. With the benefit of sheitles (wigs) often completely lacking the gray for a good 20 years longer than real hair, and all the wobbly parts covered up, they manage to grow old with grace and regalness.
SBW, she grew up more Chassidic than me, but pretty much similar in terms of observance.
SS, and to your other point SBW, when I was a new mom someone said this (arguable point) to me: "Your first few kids are God's gift to you. Your subsequent kids are your gift to God." Which made me think of this: The first 15-20 years I was married, covering my hair (and other body parts, for that matter) was my gift to God. As I age, it will be God's gift to me 🙂
SBW, but don't you cover more with age? I feel pretty comfortable with my body (no wobbly parts yet), but I've noticed that I dress more conservatively as I grow older. The other day I was wearing a tank-top (nothing particularly skimpy, and it was a hot day) and realized that I don't feel comfortable with it, so I threw a light shawl over my shoulders. I still haven't figured out why/how it happened – I wasn't getting any lingering looks, it wasn't very revealing, I'm pretty comfortable with my body, and everybody around me was wearing short summer clothes. So it has to do with age – or else just reading Ruchi's blog is slowly infusing by brain 🙂
FWIW, I'm covering less as I get older. I like the way I look in a scoopneck rather than a high crewneck, and I like wearing short sleeves on a hot day. (I'm still more tznius than 80% of MO women, alas).
Tesyaa, and how about makeup? Do you put more or less with age?
Actually, I don't know why I directed the question to tesyaa specifically – I'm curious about other commenters' observations too!
Growing older I'm both more and less into it. I think that in my twenties I wouldn't go out with a completely bare face (unless on holidays, probably). Now I don't mind, but I also enjoy wearing a bold lipstick, or a stronger color – which I would have never dared when I was younger.
And nowadays I almost always wear nail polish. Somehow I feel it gives me sleeker look even on days where I don't feel like putting on makeup.
BTW, is it OK for O women to wear colorful nail polish? I would have assumed only nude was ok, but Ruchi writes about her grandma's manicure and lipstick, so maybe more intense colors are accepted too?
I gotta say as I hit late 40s, I have a lot of sympathy for O women in menopause–hot flashes plus wigs/scarves and all that fabric, sounds terrible. I guess air conditioning might be big thing in O communities where people can afford it. I can only imagine how Os in Israeli summer survive.
I wear much less makeup now I'm in my late 40s. People always tell me I look young for my age. Maybe that's the secret.
Interesting. I find that my need to push the envelope has lessened with age. When I was younger I would wear skirts that barely covered my knee and now I don't want to do that any more.
I wore more makeup as a teen for sure. My everyday look is pretty pared down. As far as nail polish, you'll find all types across Orthodoxy. Chassidic women probably wear none. I go with muted colors when I get my nails done but lots of my friends wear bolder colors. It is considered more modest to wear more muted colors, but it's a gray area – there aren't any specific laws about it.
Sbw, I was contacted by a reporter about being hot in the summer and I wrote up a post about it but I don't think it was ever published. Maybe I'll post it here.