“Please don’t come in.”
“I’d like to stay home.”
“Think I’ll make it an early night.”
Could these words possibly be emerging from my mouth? Me, the uber-extrovert who could never bear FOMO?? I was the one who could never stand to miss a party, and more, couldn’t stand the thought of others having fun without me. Yet, increasingly, I’m finding it delightful to be alone.
Has mothering a busy household maxed me out with talking and constant company? Whenever I move to another room, the entourage seems to follow me. While I like to believe this is a sign of doing something right as a mom, I do confess it wears me thin. The sound of silence has never been so lovely.
It could be it’s my advancing middle age. In my younger years “me time” would have always included adults I love: husband, sibling, friend. Now it’s total solitude I crave. Me and a book. Me and nature. Me and a pillow. Me and my tablet.
I had my handwriting analyzed in Israel this year. One thing the (surprisingly normal) guy said was “you’re not really an extrovert.” I said, “I’m not??” He said, “No. You like people, you’re very social, but your true energy comes from getting things done.” BOOM! It totally clicked.
This is where my work is. When my people want me. And I want solitude. When my people want me, and I want to get things done. Boom. That’s my life’s mission. Understanding and stretching myself. No one said it’d be easy. It took four years for me to even be ready to have my handwriting done. I was afraid to have my flaws exposed. My weaknesses. But truly God gave me these traits and they are neutral. My drive to get things done is both my greatest weakness and greatest strength.
And that’s why my newly discovered introversion is fascinating to me. Another puzzle piece. Another step in my journey.
What’s yours?
"Flaws are neutral"…….I love that! It's all too easy to think of flaws as being bad, negative…..but the real thing is what I do with them, how I make good use of them.
I never liked the expression "defects of character"….it held no notion, for me, of taking something within me, and rather than trying to get rid of it, to make good of it: just my opinion(based on long experience of AA)….I always felt that I was fighting myself, and blaming myself, and sliding all too easily into guilt and shame(as I say….that's just my own feelings and experience from AA…..not saying it is like that for everyone)
It did help me, in the beginning, but by the time I left – 16 years, sober, and left "by accident" rather than intent….I was too scared to leave…..
(Long story. Fine with saying more, but don't want to clog your blog)
Thanks Ruchi….that is a real lightbulb moment for me
It's a very Jewish idea xo
Just out of curiosity, did the guy analyse your handwriting in Hebrew or Latin alphabet? I wonder if it would bring the same conclusions… and what would be the implications if your handwriting in different alphabets showed different personality traits.
English. Both he and I are Anglos, so it seemed natural but I'd imagine that people should have their handwriting analyzed in their first language? Interesting!
1. From your most recent post – SO interesting/cool/a-little-bit-bizarre!! 😉
I am a complete extrovert and related to all of those parts of your post – I cant IMAGINE becoming more introvert!
Although, as you wrote in a different post, I do see that I've become a lot more sensitive/careful about what to share and what not, in regards to family and personal life – both by choice and by necessity – I used to be super honest/open about personal things and obviously, certain parts of life as a married woman (6 years) have changed that about me.
Fascinating about the handwriting thing – i would love to do that -w ho did you go to here, and how did you find out about him? was it expensive? was he on target with everytihng else? were you surprised about anything?
2. Faigy – just to comment on one particular part – the judging part. How refreshing it is to hear someone discuss this topic. Because I've found that, especially since I've become a wife and mother, I'm so much more sensitive to judgemental-ism – so many people are SUCH judgemental mothers, I think especially in these younger years. And it's waaay uncommon to hear that people are aware of how much they should NOT judge.
Recently Binah had an article about this – it was a fiction story about a woman who wanted to go to school to be a pediatrician and everyone wasj udging her b/c she didnt need the money and it meant leaving her kids a lot. In the end the explanation was that she was in therapy with her husband and this was part of their solution – that she should go back to school to feel fulfilled and happy, and that would ultimately help their marriage. Reading that story was so ….nice.
Weirdly, it felt good to know that some judgemental people probably read it and hopefully got a head-on view in the mirror of themselves as being the judgemental characters in the story.
Anyway, thats the end of my rant. Thanks for all of your writing/honesty/thoughts/etc
Based on your description that story bothers me. It makes it sound like an exceptional situation where going to school was only acceptable because their marriage was in trouble. How about not judging and just assuming that she and her husband can make their own decisions just fine, thank you?
It was a good article. It became clear how people formed imperfect perceptions based on their limited view. Yes the handwriting guy was 95% spot on. He clarifies the blurry, rather than reveal novel insights. It was amazing. I find as I age my desire to judge increases. As a young person I knew I didn't know much. Now I think I know, but I really still don't know.
August 10, 2015 at 9:21 A
Maybe you're still an extrovert, just not quite as extroverted as you had thought? I don't think needing to be alone once in a while makes you an introvert. (Always wanting to be alone isn't the same as wanting to always be alone.) If all you wanted was to get things done, you could have chosen a career where you could sit at a desk and get things done all done long without interruption.
Interesting.
http://www.wsj.com/articles/not-an-introvert-not-an-extrovert-you-may-be-an-ambivert-1438013534
Why did you have your handwriting analyzed? And is that an Israeli thing so that's why you did it there? Or was this more of a touristy fun thing, like tarot card readings on a street corner (which I'll bet Os don't do)?
It was offered to to me as part of the women's missions to Israel that I lead via JWRP, as part of a learning/growing/self awareness meme that characterized the trip. Why I accepted (after four years declining)? I felt ready to stretch myself a bit more.
Yeah, no tarot reading for Os 🙂
I love the idea you express here that your (and everyone's) "traits are neutral". I really began to "get" this after I started having to occasionally hire someone from a large pool of candidates and was supplied with a "DISC" profile among other application materials.
DISC (similar to Myers-Briggs, which is more commonly known) helps describe different "profiles" of how people work with others and what kind of environment they are most productive in, based on general traits they have. In order to better understand how the test works, I shelled out $35 online, took the test, and studied the 15-page explanation and report. It was SO illuminating. I came to see how traits often come in "packages", neither good nor bad but some packages work better for certain tasks or for cooperation with other people's "packages of traits".
For instance, one person I hired was (as predicted by her DISC), a great leader, inspired others to go along with her ideas, very motivated to make things happen; she was also stubborn and rather bossy. Makes sense as a package! Another one I hired was extremely patient, calm, supportive–and didn't have much initiative, which makes sense when you think of traits as a package. I also found that reading my DISC report helped me accept my own "package of traits", for instance I am often annoyed at myself that I cannot sit quietly working at my desk working for long, uninterrupted periods of time (see my name!), but my profile helped me see that the restlessness and sociality that make it hard to sit still are also what make me a high-energy communicator.
I love this explanation! Another example: A friend of mine who is extremely persuasive once told me that she sometimes has trouble getting advice from other people — not because she doesn't ask but because just by explaining her dilemmas she manages inadvertently to convince them of something.
Yes exactly!! Wendy mogel in her book Blessing of a Skinned Knee writes about the "yetzer hara" – our worst trait, which is also always our best trait.