The moments aren't gone, vintage background.
Controversial Observations, Uncategorized August 11, 2014

Guest Post: The View From Ashdod

Ladies and gents of OOTOB, I present to you today a guest post from one Revital Belz, who lives in Israel.  She blogs at ajudaica.com and is sharing her viewpoint of the current conflict in Israel.  I know social media and the blogosphere have been abuzz with information and emotions, and here she is in her own thoughtful and inspiring words.  Revital will be available over the next few days to respond to your thoughts and comments.

Although I left my native United States for Israel almost thirty years ago, I always felt a bit
separate from the “real” sabra Israeli society. The moment I opened my mouth, taxi drivers
would start speaking to me in broken English, proud to have identified me as one of those
crazy Americans who came to make Israel their home. My Brooklyn accent stubbornly
stayed with me, and living in my Orthodox community in Bnei Brak I sometimes felt as if I
was being cocooned, distant as it were from the true Israel.


Last year I moved to the southern port city of Ashdod to live closer to my married kids and
was pleasantly surprised as to the beauty of the city. It is actually the fifth largest city in
Israel, has a gorgeous beach and magnificent parks. The streets are lined with trees and
flowers, and the multicultural population co-exists peacefully.

Fast forward to July 2014.

Boom! Boom! WoooOOOOoooo! OMG ! My grandchildren were on their weekly visit to me
when the wailing siren went off. Calmly, with equanimity, actually holding on to their plates
of pizza and spaghetti, the kids filed into my shelter, as I frantically called their names one by
one, making sure they were all in. I realized that they were giving me funny looks, trying to
figure out what the big deal was. After all, this was a reality of their lives, something which
had been drilled into them since kindergarten and an integral part of life for them. Why
was Baba (me) making such a big deal? You just went into the nearest building, stairwell or
home, waited until the sirens and booms (missiles) stopped (10 minutes) and then went on
with your lives.

Then I realized. I was at the front! This battle was being played out in my home, on my street
and I was a soldier. If I let myself be intimidated by the neighborhood bully then I have given
him victory. Well, let it not be said that a Brooklyn girl enhanced by 30 years of acquired
Israeli toughness was going to let this get to her. I go about my life, commute to work, shop,
invite family, visit family, go to the synagogue, lectures, whatever. My life continues. I am
not going to sit petrified in my shelter room all day. Of course, I always have one ear open to
hear the siren, and as I go down the street I make a mental note which building I will jump
into if necessary. But I will not be bullied.

Accepting that I am at the front has done something for me spiritually too. Sure, I feel
vulnerable and scared and I speak to Hashem more fervently and more often. I know that
it’s OK to be scared. I guess the soldiers are scared too sometimes.

Every soldier has his job. My job as a grandmother soldier living in Ashdod is to go about my
daily life, to do my jobs and to carry on living. Yes, I am trying to be a better person. Faced
with so much evil down there in Gaza, I want to inject into the world a little more goodness,
more love for my fellow man, extra G-dliness in my daily life.

We are all soldiers at the front!

Graffiti-style "FEAR" on textured wooden surface.
Uncategorized August 4, 2014

Not This Year

Well, here we go again.  Tonight and tomorrow are Tisha B’av – the saddest time on the Jewish calendar.

It’s always a struggle to “make myself sad” so I can appropriately commemorate this day.  Not this year, though.

It’s usually tough to conjure up feelings of wistfulness about our nation’s eventual return, unified, to our Land. Not this year, though.


Sometimes it’s hard to imagine our land full of dead and wounded.  Not this year, though.

It can be a stretch, at the height of summer, to pause from our revelry, from our swimming, from dancing at weddings, from outdoor barbecues – to focus on loss and pain.  Not this year, though.

At one time it seemed a bit overblown to state that we were surrounded by enemies who wished to see us dead.  Not this year, though.

And ultimately?  It has, at some points in my life, been difficult to truly pray for life to change, to bring in its wake better times, peaceful times, happy times.

Not this year.

May this be the last Tisha B’av – this year, and any year.

Smiling duo with headbands indoors.
Uncategorized July 29, 2014

Kveller post: How My Holocaust Survivor Grandmother is Helping Me Stay Young Forever

Hey OOTOB readers!  Hope everyone is having a nice summer – albeit tempered by all the frightening news out of Israel.  I’ve been doing some traveling but I’m back, and I’m on Kveller today, talking about how my Holocaust survivor grandmother is helping me stay young forever.

I was the Peter Pan who was never going to grow up. 

I drank regular Coke well into my 20s, loved roller coasters when everyone else my age turned green thinking about them, went back to camp as a grown up for five years, and preferred surprise birthday parties well past adolescence 

Then, somewhere along the way, I changed. 

I think one reason I didn’t want to change was because, to me, the moment I stopped loving roller coasters, I was old. And by “old” I don’t mean mature, responsible, wise, or even physically less capable. I meant the kind of “old” I promised myself I’d never be: boring, pessimistic, jaded, Debbie Downer.  Read the rest here…

Poster promoting event at JFX, December 17th.
Controversial Observations, Uncategorized July 16, 2014

Weird Pew Stats

I know I’m about a bajillion years late to the Pew party, but sometimes you see stats in a new format and it just grabs you in a different way.  Ya know?  I saw this little chart in the OU (as in Orthodox Union) magazine.  And I was like, huh?  Let’s go through the categories one by one.

REMEMBERING HOLOCAUST

I know anecdotally that for many non-Orthodox Jews, identity as kids was all about the Holocaust.  I get that.  But Orthodox kids are far more likely to be children and grandchildren of European Jews than American ones, and therefore more directly affected by the Holocaust.  So I wonder how this question was posed for the study.  Was “remembering the Holocaust” measured only when expressed in societally-organized, institutional ways?  For me, having survivor grandparents means I am cognizant of my transiency in the USA in a way that seeps into daily life, although my Jewish identity and schooling as a child wasn’t really about the Holocaust.

LEADING ETHICAL LIFE

Again, I’m not really sure what an “ethical life” is measured by.  Volunteerism outside of the Jewish community?  Not surfing the web at work?  Returning the extra change at Nordstrom?  Creating chessed organizations?  In any event, the Modern Orthodox community leads the way here, at a whopping 90%.  Reform does pretty well as compared to Conservative which is probably due to their emphasis on tikkun olam as a value and as a form of Jewish expression and observance.


WORKING FOR JUSTICE/EQUALITY

How this overlaps and differs from the above, I’m not sure, but there wasn’t a huge disparity in the numbers – only 16 percentage points, which is the smallest range, aside from “having a sense of humor” (at 13 percentage points). Nevertheless, Reform performs best here, and I’m assuming we are talking about justice and equality on a communal, societal and global level (classic tikkun olam).  In general, this category shows a pretty steady upward progression from Ultra-Orthodox to Reform, aside from a small dip at the Conservative station, but again, the differences are truly slight.  My guess is that the more Orthodox you get, the more likely you are to perform these acts of tikkun olam specifically for Jews.  I am not sure if that weighs in as heavily in this category.

BEING INTELLECTUALLY CURIOUS

Modern Orthodox wins this one, and this backs up a very interesting observation I’ve made over the years. The Modern Orthodox community definitely shows a strong bias toward classes and programs that focus on the intellectual, whereas “regular” Orthodox and Ultra-Orthodox would be more likely to offer classes and programs that are motivational, spiritual, or emotional.  In general, I think our community needs both, but I’ve noticed Modern Orthodox people attending spiritual/motivational programs that we’ve offered at our outreach center, as these themes are not as available in their community.  I think some Modern Orthodox scholars consider a reliance on the spiritual or mystical to be backward or a sellout.  In my opinion, we as a community are thirsting for these offerings, and need them badly to remain inspired in our faith.  For the record, I don’t think it indicates that other kinds of Jews are NOT intellectually curious – frankly, I think it’s a human drive – but the focus on it in the Modern Orthodox community is unmistakable.

The 25% in the Ultra Orthodox gives me pause.  What does this mean?  Torah scholarship in these communities is the highest in all categories – even among women. Your average Ultra-Orthodox woman is far more likely than your average Conservative woman to know texts, to have learned rationales behind Jewish practices, and to be conversant in Hebrew.  Does “intellectual curiosity” mean outside of Torah?  Does it reflect interest as opposed to knowledge?

CARING ABOUT ISRAEL

If you’re talking about Zionism, of course the Modern Orthodox community is most likely to be Zionistic, to make aliyah, and to financially support the State of Israel.  But if you’re talking about loving the Land of Israel for its holiness, visiting it, praying for it, and sending its kids to study there, the Ultra-Orthodox community is doing pretty darn well.  In fact, JWRP, a Jewish women’s organization, subsidizes women to travel to Israel – but not if you’re Orthodox.  Because research shows that Orthodox women are far more likely to travel to Israel on their own and thus do not have to be subsidized.  This is true across the Orthodox spectrum.

SENSE OF HUMOR

Really?  This category confused me.  Why is it here?  Whatevs.  Seems we’re not all that funny in the final analysis.  Apparently Seinfeld is an outlier.  Although it makes sense that he has no denomination.  It seems the less observant/religious you are, the more likely you are to be funny.  Harrumph.  I’m officially offended! Us Orthodox are hilarious.  We make fun of ourselves all the time.  Moving along.

BEING PART OF JEWISH COMMUNITY

No major surprises here, other than the slight rise within the Orthodox world from Ultra to Modern, with the greatest emphasis on this value existing in Modern Orthodoxy.  I think this may have something to do with the social aspect of belonging that is of high importance within Modern Orthodoxy, hence spawning “social Orthodoxy.”

OBSERVING JEWISH LAW

Again, pretty predictable here, with a downward progression from Ultra-Orthodox to “no denomination.” See the second footnote where it says that 8 out of 10 Orthodox Jews say that observing the law is the essence of being Jewish.  I imagine a Reform Jew might say tikkun olam?

EATING JEWISH FOODS

Really?  But yes, I’ve learned that people really care about this in terms of identity.  Ironically, what I have seen partially contradicts the above report.  I’ve found that while “more Orthodox” people are more likely to have Jewish foods on a regular basis (mostly because of Shabbat), it is more important to Reform Jews as a form of identity and connection.

What do you agree/disagree with?
What would you say is the essence of Judaism for you?

Baking sheet with aluminum foil on countertop.
Controversial Observations, Uncategorized July 6, 2014

Blog Roundup: Female Orthodox Clergy, Israel’s Special Unit, Oprah on Shabbat, and more

Although the Jewish world is still reeling from the murders of the three Israeli boys, there have been lots of other things cooking on the interwebs.

1. Rabbah Sara Hurwitz

Orthodoxy’s first female [fill in word of choice here] came to Cleveland to speak recently, sparking locally a huge wave of controversy that is brewing within the larger Orthodox world. Here’s another response to the issue in general.


As an aside, I find it interesting that while in English, our language is moving more toward gender-neutrality, Hebrew will never be gender-neutral.  Therefore, while in English, the word “rabbi” has been broadened to include women, in Hebrew a new, gender-specific noun must be chosen, and what that noun will be is still under debate.

That said, here’s what I posted on Facebook on the subject (granted, in the middle of a conversation):

…another important question that I believe is underlying this entire discussion. It also will clarify why I don’t have a problem with men running the show in established clergy positions. That is: are you willing to accept the status quo in normative Orthodox Judaism, or are you seeking to push the boundaries to where they have not been before? I am not casting aspersion on the second option, but I will say that if your starting point is that women should have as great a role as possible within clergy then no one should be surprised when that endeavor is met with resistance and push back. I accept the status quo and proceed from there. I don’t feel I ever got mixed messages since we didn’t learn Gemara as a subject as I was never taught that men and women do the same things. Am I stupider or happier? Pathetic for not questioning and pushing the status quo, or more fulfilled internally for it? I guess everyone can make their own judgments. I’ll say this. I feel that I am reaching my potential as a Jewish woman leader doing exactly what I’m doing. I find no boundaries or frustrations. That is my experience, for whatever it’s worth.



2. Israel’s Special Ed Unit

Grab some tissues, because you’ll need them for this.  Seriously, is there ANY country like Israel???

3. Your Life In Weeks

Not specifically Jewish, but this was a good piece of mussar – wisdom that helps remind you why you’re here on this earth.

4. Oprah Learns About Sabbath

I found this video interesting from a Shabbat-observant perspective, of course, but a little cheesy from the Oprah perspective.  I like Oprah a lot actually, but what does she mean she didn’t “know” Sabbath was on Saturday?  Wouldn’t you just say you didn’t know it was “originally” on Saturday, until Christians changed it to Sunday?  There was one line in there that I loved – something like, if a door opens for you, and your faith doesn’t fit through that door, don’t walk through that door.  In any case, this is a cool guy (who is apparently famous) standing up for his religious values in Hollywood.  Thumbs up from me, for sure.

White Bosch kitchen mixer on counter.
Controversial Observations, Uncategorized July 1, 2014

Was All That Praying a Waste?

My friend Andrea is our guest blogger today. See end for Andrea’s bio.

What horrible news we had yesterday, about Eyal, Gilad and Naftali A”H, the boys murdered in Israel 18 days ago. As Jews and non-Jews everywhere reel from the news, I am starting to see the question pop up, on my Facebook feed,  in blog entries and on a bulletin board that I frequent: questioning what the point was to all that praying everyone did.

Now, I am not the biggest “pray-er.” I do take challah and pray for people on a regular basis, but I find that spontaneous prayer works better for me than reading psalms or formalized prayers.  In the time that the boys were missing, what I saw in news, on social media, and in communities everywhere, was an incredible number of people praying, doing mitzvot and reading psalms, in the merit of the return of the boys. I saw the people of Israel, and so many of our friends, coming together – unified by our desire to see the boys home safe.

In addition, many of us, if not all of us, recognized the unity that was sweeping across the world of Judaism and were impressed that three missing boys could cause such an incredible shift in the old adage “two Jews, three opinions.”  We had one opinion and it was very clearly “Bring them back home safe.”
While we now know that by the time people started davening for them, they were dead, I believe that those prayers were still heard.  It is because we cannot change what has already happened with prayer, and once a prayer is spoken it cannot be taken back, that I believe that those prayers were all heard. They were heard by the world, who saw that Jews were coming together and praying (not reacting in violence), they were heard by ourselves, as aforementioned, and most of all, by God.  If you don’t believe in God, then all that good karma was out there and is still coming back to us…
This past Thursday, my daughter was in an accident.  It was  a very serious situation and one which, if any one of ten different things had gone differently, I would be sitting shiva right now. In fact, it is miraculous that all ten of those things did not happen. After seeing the question “Why did we bother?”  I decided that all that davening, and all those mitzvot and all that ahavat yisrael acted  to make it possible that instead of a tragedy, in or family, we are dealing with “just” an accident, instead of a tragic one.
God heard our prayers.  God saw our achdut (unity) and all the amazing mitzvot done in the merit of the safe return of the boys.  I believe that because there was nothing else that could be done for them, all the incredible goodness that was generated by these prayers and actions, was redirected.
Some people may have survived car wrecks, chemo might have worked, or aerosol cans blew up and yet the injury was “just” like a bad sunburn. In addition, many people were praying for the safety of the members of the IDF who were looking for the boys, and the delay in the discovery of their bodies meant that the IDF had legitimate opportunity to discover the smuggling tunnels, weapons production locations and to confiscate whole arsenals that will not be used against Israel now.

A friend pointed out all of the above and that we will never know how many lives have been saved by removing those threats.

Do you know someone who suffered in the past 17 days from something that could have been much worse and wasn’t?  Do you know someone who walked away from something that should have killed them?  Maybe they, and by extension, you, we, klal yisrael were the beneficiaries of that good outcome precisely BECAUSE we all showed such achdut and we all prayed and did mitzvot!  This may not be the answer we wanted or expected but it is absolutely an answer!
So I, a Jewish mother who is NOT sitting shiva today, believe that your prayers and our achdut are the reason for that. Thank you!
Your prayers in the merit  of a speedy and complete recovery for Ariel Mia bat Chana Miriam very much appreciated. and it was very clearly “Bring them back.“
Andrea Levy considers herself an “Under-Constructionist Jew.” Formerly a non-observant, mostly cultural Jew, Andrea and her family are very pleased to have grown in the direction of increased observance of mitzvot. She is married to Marc Schwartz and has two children, Max and Ariel. Collectively, the family is known as “The Schwevys.” Andrea owns a business providing Kosher Catering in Hamilton, Ontario, as well as working as a kosher supervisor for the Hamilton Va’ad Hakashrut. She is the lead volunteer for the Adas Israel Synagogue’s United Shabbat programme. Andrea enjoys post apocalyptic and dystopian books and loves all things Zombie and Vampire.
Rising dough covered in plastic wrap.
Controversial Observations, Uncategorized June 30, 2014

#rememberourboys

As I sat down to blog, the news reports starting flying in. Unconfirmed rumors at first, quickly morphing into verified news reports with the worst.

The boys were gone.

 Everything else just pales in comparison. What, I should talk about Oprah’s interview with a Seventh Day Adventist? Link an article about how community is the number one compelling factor in Jewish engagement? Include something about which we disagree? Link a cutesy icon with the title of this post?

I don’t think so.

One of the most chilling – in a good way – things about this whole awful event was how united we became. We all prayed – no matter what our affiliation. We all cared – no matter what our beliefs. We all were united in our fear, hope, and ultimately grief.

Can we keep that up? That awareness that nothing supersedes unity? That while it takes the worst events to bring it out, maybe we can try, just a little, in their merits, to keep it up?

Can we sing the sad song together?

While there are no words, Judaism does give us words. Those words are “baruch dayan ha-emet” – blessed is the true judge. It’s one of the hardest mitzvot to fulfill. To affirm, in our pain, that God is a just and compassionate power. Jews all over the world are saying it, are singing that sad song.

May the souls of Gilad, Eyal, and Naftali find peace and honor and may God avenge their murders.

That is all. No more words.