Browsing Tag

Jewish inspiration

Uncategorized May 7, 2013

My Band

Ten years ago, my friend Hudy invited me to come to her home on a Saturday night to have an informal “kumzitz” style singing session to lift the spirits of another mutual friend  who was experiencing some health issues.  Considering I love to sing and play piano, and loved the company of these girls, I gladly accepted.  (Also back in those ancient years, child #5 was on the way and all my existing kids were asleep by 7.  Yeah, hard to remember.)

Anyhoo, I went and it was wonderful.  Hudy plays the drums and piano too and is really musical and Becky, our friend who was ill, had a deeply incredible sense of humor and love of life.  Becky passed away a few months ago, actually, at the age of 41, from complications after her decade-long illness, and we will never forget her.

Becky, Hudy, some other friends and I continued to meet a number of times to sing and laugh, and then the ad hoc group kind of disbanded.

Then Hudy met Rachel.

Hudy wanted voice lessons and plays guitar.  Rachel gives voice lessons and wanted to learn guitar.  They decided to meet each week for an hour and swap services.  Eventually each realized the scope of the other’s talents and created a video of song for a non-profit called “Project Hope,” which provides Jewish video entertainment for women who are hospital-or-bed-bound.  Hudy called me to see if I wanted to work on the project over the summer, but at the time I had a summer job at Camp Raninu in the Poconos and could not participate.

Two years later, Hudy called me again.  “Ruchi, we want to form a band, and we want you to be a part of it.  We’ll get together every Wednesday morning and jam.  We don’t know where this will go.  Are you in?”

I was in!

And that’s how In Harmony was born.

https://i0.wp.com/inharmonycleveland.com/images/CSU_Concert_4_%202-27-11.jpg?resize=688%2C459

In Harmony is a band comprised of Orthodox women from the widest variety of backgrounds.  Each of us sings, some of us play instruments such as piano, drums, guitar, electric guitar, flute, clarinet, and sax.  Among our ranks are a staging expert, a fashion designer, a social media guru, a super-organized CEO type, and a fundraiser.  Together we have put on one major full-length concert for women and girls only (in line with our religious beliefs) for a sold-out crowd of 500, many smaller performances at a variety of venues, and have our next major concert, where we are expecting 800 women and girls, coming up Sunday, May 26th.

In Harmony is one of the most enjoyable outlets of my life.  Although meeting every Wednesday (more, now, pre-concert) can be taxing on my schedule, I adore the women I work with, who have become close friends and my “band sistas.”  I feel alive, knowing I am activating all the parts of my soul that God gave me to uplift and inspire myself and others.  I marvel at the beauty called “music” that God put into the world, and at how we all need each other to created this magnificent product that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Best part is, Hudy, after years of me dropping hints, finally gave me a drum lesson.

Photo: It's Ruchi on drums......what's going on here? Lots of fun, song and energy getting ready for a high energy song! Which one? You will have to come to find out! MAY 26th, SUNDAY AT NOTRE DAME COLLEGE!

Uncategorized April 19, 2013

Prayer for Boston

Dear readers,

This post is a little off the beaten track for me, but I’ve been sick about the news out of Boston.  I keep hearing people talk about praying for Boston, but I know that many Jews have a hard time praying, whether formally or organically.  Here is a short prayer that I will be saying tonight at candle-lighting.  Feel free to say it as well and share, or use it to inspire your own.

“Dear G-d,

I’ve been struggling all week with the Boston bombing.  It’s so hard for me to understand how these things happen.  But G-d, I recognize, in my mind if not emotionally, that You have Your ways and Your plans that are unfathomable to me.

I can’t control evil, but I can fight it by bringing a little more goodness into the world.  And so G-d, I would like to use these moments to show faith and compassion by praying.

Please, G-d, bring comfort to the innocent families of the victims.  Please bring healing to the injured.  Help all of them to heal in their bodies and minds, and to heal in their faith in the essential goodness of this world.  Help them and us heal in understanding that while there is evil in this world, it is mostly a good place with mostly good people.  Restore their faith in humanity.  Help them to rebuild normal lives. 

And please G-d, assist the law enforcement professionals in ending evil.  Bring justice, that we may live in peace and joy, and may we remember You in those moments as well.”
Shabbat shalom,
Ruchi

Uncategorized April 11, 2013

The Growing Jew

Sorry, readers, for the LOONG lag in blog posts.  Between Passover, my kids being off, getting back to all my responsibilities after the long break, and getting to my spring cleaning that I didn’t choose to do before Passover – I haven’t actually even sat in front of a real computer in days.  Thanks to those of you that let me know you’ve missed my posts – that means the world to me!

Tuesday evening I taught a class for a local group of young Orthodox women in their early 20’s called “Finding and Keeping Your Soulmate.”  I started the class by asking them, “Why are we here on this earth?  What’s the point?”  They knew the answer I was looking for: to grow.

What does it mean to grow?  To be a grower?  To get into the mind of a “grower,” here is an unsolicited email I received from a friend of mine who became religious in her adult life.  She had had a great day, and just wanted to share it with me and few friends.  It tells clearly what the life of a “grower” looks like.   [Note: “Hashem” is a Hebrew term for God.]

Last night when I went to sleep I kept thanking Hashem
for an amazing day. I didn’t go anywhere special or meet anyone famous
and actually it was a very difficult, stressful day, but the greatness
and the pleasure was in the difficulty and “ordinary” day. 
I started off davening [praying] after my morning coffee as I typically do, but yesterday morning I was keenly aware of my desire to rush through the davening
to get to work. I discovered this past year that I have a very strong
work ethic, which is good. A top priority in my life is to stay on top of my work, give my clients top service, try to get as much done in a
day as possible and bill as many hours as I can (to make money). I
realized yesterday when I was davening (but while my thoughts were on work) that if I put 1/100th of the drive, passion and energy into serving Hashem and grabbing mitzvahs,
as I do trying to satisfy clients and bill, I’d be in a lot better
shape. SO, I was/am so grateful to see this so clearly. Now I have
to figure out how to channel that drive into my service to Hashem.
Next thing that happened was I was on my way to a dentist
appointment when someone from my office called to tell me she made a
major mistake and sent out 28 letters over my signature that should not
have gone out. At first I was like “OH NO” and then I just dealt with
it. When I got to the office a few people were talking to her, so she
and I didn’t talk. She left work shortly after that and I didn’t get to
even say hello to her. I called her because I wanted her to know that I
wasn’t avoiding her or upset with her. I’ve made lots of mistakes in my
lifetime and wanted her to know that it was just a mistake. I left her a
message and she was so appreciative. If the roles were reversed and she
hadn’t said hi to me or spoken to me about the mistake, I think I would
have felt so much worse.
So, back to the dentist. I had an unexpected root canal and the
tooth was “hot.” I needed a lot of Novocaine and some of it dripped down
my throat causing a sensation (or perhaps reality) that I couldn’t
swallow. It was a very scary feeling. When I spoke, my voice sounded to
me like I swallowed helium, although the dentist said I sounded like my
normal self. I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I started
talking to G-d. I asked for His help and told Him I knew He was with me.
I pictured that image that is often used of Him holding me in His arms
and comforting me like a baby. Thank G-d, there was no panic attack and I
got through it ok. It’s painful today physically, but I felt such a connection to Hashem.
I am SO busy at work (thank G-d) and will be going away for 3
weeks, so the stress (that I put on myself) is pretty high right now. I davened that Hashem
should give me the clarity to work through a complicated matter at
work and do so efficiently. To my great surprise, I had an awesome day
at work! Hashem gave me clarity in areas that I didn’t have before and I was able to get a lot done.  
THEN, I went to Heinen’s and was waiting on the express lane and realized I wanted to pick up a plant for someone’s
birthday today. I stepped out of line only for a minute and when I got
back 2 people pushed my cart aside and went in front of me. I was upset
for about a half a second and then realized, it’s an express lane,
moving quickly, I left my cart, they had no idea how long I’d be
gone and they had every right to go ahead of me. But I decided to go to
another lane anyway, which was now shorter. 
There was an older,
heavy man with a cane in a wheelchair cart in front of me. I wasn’t
sure how he was going to get his items onto the conveyor. I’m never sure
if I should offer help in these situations or not; does the person
appreciate the help or do they want their independence? I leaned over
and asked him if I could help him and he was so appreciative. The person
in front of him took quite some time to check out so he and I had such a
nice conversation. We laughed about a number of things and talked about
his favorite candy bar, as I got one off the shelf for him. I was
thanking Hashem privately for giving me the opportunity to have this interaction with him. It felt so special. I really felt I was living Hahem’s will.
And lastly, my husband had two difficult situations yesterday
which he shared with me in depth. I felt such pleasure and pride in him
and the way he handled the challenges. I was feeling so blessed to have
him as my husband (which thank G-d, I feel often).

SO, I went to sleep, reliving my day and thanking Hashem for all of it. It felt like a day that Hashem was very happy with. I know I was!  

Uncategorized March 18, 2013

At Least

Is gratitude cliche?

Yeah, in word.  But not in deed.  So easy to say.  So hard to do.   But truly, Seder night is all about gratitude.

“Thank you, God, for taking us out of Egypt.”

That’s the famous part.  And the prize for the most famous Seder song goes to Dayenu, sung even at the shortest Seders, which is actually one long gratitude-fest.  And phrased just so warmly.  God, even if you would have only brought us to the sea, but not split it for us, it would have been enough… dayenu… to thank you forever and ever…

Imagine your teen comes over to you and says, “Mom, even if you would have only washed my clothes, and not dried them, folded them, or put them away, or ironed them, ever, or cooked dinner, or took me shopping… dayenu… it would have been enough for me to be forever grateful to you… today and every day… for all eternity.”  (Are you still conscious?)

So, yeah.  Easy to say.  Hard to do.

Here’s an idea.  Write a poem for the Seder.  The poem is called “At Least.”  First you write five complaints about your life.

The paint job is already looking old.
My car is making weird noises.
I never have enough time to work out.
I am feeling overwhelmed planning my son’s bar mitzvah.
My things are always missing because people in my family move and misplace them.

Okay, that was the easy part.  Here’s the hard part.  After each sentence, write a companion sentence that remembers the good in that moment.  It will start with the words “at least.”  Like this.

The paint job is already looking old.
At least I was able to paint the house recently.  Many are not able to to do so.
My car is making weird noises.
At least we have two cars that still transport us from place to place, and sometimes it doesn’t make weird noises.
I never have enough time to work out.
At least I have a fulfilling job that I love and people that love and need me, which is why I’m busy.  Many do not.
I am feeling overwhelmed planning my son’s bar mitzvah.
At least I have a healthy, happy son who is growing up in a loving Jewish environment, and I’m blessed with many friends and family who want to celebrate his milestone with us, which is where the overwhelmed feelings come from.  I’d never trade that.
My things are always missing because people in my family move and misplace them.
At least I have a busy, active family.  They are more precious to me than stuff.

Bring this poem to the Seder table, and read it before Dayenu.  It will be your personal gratitude workout.

Because while we know we need to be grateful to God for all the “at leasts,” what we are less cognizant of is that we need to be grateful to Him for the complaints too.  Because they are good for us.  They are there to help us grow.  To teach us gratitude.  To teach us humility.  To teach us to be less judgmental when others complain.

Happy Passover to all my readers.  May the gratitude of the holiday spill over into your lives and, indeed, bring you much joy.  At least, you know it’s in your hands.

Uncategorized March 13, 2013

Who Will Be the Zaidies of Our Children?

ZAIDY
by Moshe Yess

My Zaidy lived with us in my parents’ home
He used to laugh, he put me on his knee
And he spoke about his life in Poland
He spoke, but with a bitter memory

And he spoke about the soldiers who would beat him
They laughed at him, they tore his long black coat
And he spoke about a synagogue that they burnt down
And the crying that was heard beneath the smoke

CHORUS:
But Zaidy made us laugh, Zaidy made us sing
And Zaidy made a kiddush Friday night
And Zaidy, oh my Zaidy, how I loved him so
And Zaidy used to teach me wrong from right

His eyes lit up when he would teach me Torah
He taught me every line so carefully
He spoke about our slavery in Egypt
And how God took us out to make us free

But winter went by, summer came along
I went to camp to run and play
And when I got back home, they said “Zaidy’s gone.”
And all his books were packed and stored away

I don’t know how or why it came to be
It happened slowly over so many years
We just stopped being Jewish like my Zaidy was
And no one cared enough to shed a tear

CHORUS:

But many winters went by
And many summers came along
And now my children sit in front of me
And who will be the Zaidy of my children
Who will be their Zaidy, if not me
Who will be the Zaidy of our children
Who will be the Zaidy if not we

CHORUS 

Uncategorized February 28, 2013

I Will Never Be Orthodox. Can I Still Be Part of the Community?

Dear Ruchi,
My
family currently lives 7 miles from the Chabad shul that we attend, so we drive to/from
Shabbos services (though we do park at the church across the street).
Our son doesn’t wear a yarmulke on a daily basis. We have a television
in our home and our kids watch appropriate shows on a limited basis. Our
home is not kosher (yet!). The point is, clearly, we are not Orthodox
and I’m not sure that we ever will be. We are not prepared to sell our
home and move closer to the shul so that we can walk to Shabbos
services.  Also, because there are so many rules/laws/customs, I am
overwhelmed and don’t know where or how to begin.
All
of that said, can we ever really become a part of the Orthodox
community? Everyone has been very nice, but there’s a big difference
between being nice and being inclusive. Will it ever be OK for me to
invite an Orthodox child to our home for a playdate (with reassurance
that I will serve food on paper plates and will not mix milk/meat…I’m
sure there are other things that I would need to do, but I have no idea
what that might be!)?
Will
I be able to actually become friends with some of these women or is it
frowned upon to have non-Orthodox friends because of the difference in
lifestyle? I met a very nice woman at the weekly Kabbalah café and would
like to see if she’d like to meet for coffee, but I’m not sure if
that’s acceptable because I doubt that Starbucks is kosher?? I don’t
want to put her in the awkward position of having to say “no,” so I just
haven’t asked.
I
guess what I’m really asking is are we ever going to be “Jewish
enough”? And how do I even begin to learn all of the customs that I
would need to learn in order to fit in better? I have asked if there is a
class for people wanting to become BT, but it isn’t offered here. My
husband manages better than I do because of his upbringing,
but it’s hard to say to him “tell me everything I need to know” because
there are a million minutiae (i.e. 39 categories of work prohibited on Shabbat, 613 mitzvot).
For example, he was given the honor of an aliyah last week and had to
say that he couldn’t because he’s a Levite and the Levites had already
had an aliyah (so he held/carried the Torah instead). The point is, I’d
never even heard anything remotely like that before and would have been
honored to accept, which would have been wrong (I realize that as a
woman, this wouldn’t happen, but it’s an example of how little I know).
How can I raise observant Jewish children when I know so little? I feel
like I need a brain transplant or something. 🙂
I know no one in the Orthodox
community and have so many questions and concerns. I want to “get it
right” for our children because this is important to me. If we can never
be accepted, then does it make sense to join this congregation? I would
welcome your honest thoughts and feedback.
Lauren 

Dear Lauren,
You’ve touched on many different points here in your email, so I will just address them in the order you’ve asked.
1. It’s unclear to me whether you are interested in becoming more observant/Orthodox, but are deterred because of social/logistical obstacles, or you just don’t see yourself ever following all those restrictions.  Do you believe in the heart of Orthodox philosophy?  Do you wish you could be more observant, but lament the obstacles, or do you feel a sense of relief that you’re not?
2. I’m also a bit confused because you say on the one hand that you’ve met a few people that you’d like to further your social relationships with, and that you do attend the Chabad shul on occasion, but later state that you don’t know anyone in the Orthodox community.  Do you mean you know them casually but not well enough to ask these “loaded” questions to?  Are you friends with these acquaintances on any level?
3. Would it be OK for you to invite over an Orthodox child with attendant reassurances?  The answer is yes!  What a nice invitation!  But truthfully, not everyone will feel comfortable with that – not because they’d suspect you of being duplicitous, G-d forbid, but because if you don’t know the laws really well, it’s pretty easy to make a mistake.  Some families will be OK with it and you’ll have to learn to not take personally the discomfort of those that aren’t.

4.  Ditto with your friendships.  Most people in Chabad communities (I’m not sure if the community is a Chabad one) are very inclusive and are comfortable being friends with various types of Jews.  Other, more insular communities, might be less so.  Here in Cleveland, for example, it would be my Orthodox friends’ pleasure to go out for coffee (Starbucks is always safe – even though there is a controversy involving the Starbuckses that serve non-kosher sandwiches, you can always get a juice or something) with a non-Orthodox friend they met at the gym or something, and especially at a Jewish class or venue.  When I look around at my community, I think the answer to your question about your personal friendships would be a resounding yes.

5. Are you ever going to be Jewish enough?  That’s between you, your husband and G-d – and no one else.  No matter where you are on the spectrum, there will always be some that don’t consider you Jewish enough and some that consider you a fanatic.  Learn to ignore judgmental people on both sides.

6. How can you begin to learn?  If there’s a Chabad shul, I would imagine classes couldn’t possibly be far behind.  There an organization called “Partners in Torah” where you are matched up to a study partner over the phone for a once-a-week study session on any topic of your choice.  It’s free, and amazing.  Look them up.  Is there maybe a community close to yours that has an educational organization for beginners?  Of course, there’s lots of stuff online, but personal connections, relationships, and community are key.  AND finding a rabbi/mentor to guide you in this journey.

7. Regarding brain transplants: you have exactly the brain that G-d wants you to have to fulfill your unique purpose in life!  🙂 

All the best, and wishing you lots of success,
Ruchi

Dear readers,

Would you add anything?  Have you “been there, done that”?
 

Uncategorized January 25, 2013

6 Spiritual Lessons from “Words With Friends”

I’m addicted.  OK?  I admit it baldly (B is 4… A is 1…).  But it’s not a total wash.  Firstly, my word geekiness is improving, so that’s exciting.  (X is 8.)  Also, I’ve noticed that life and WWF have some quirky things in common.  Like:

1.  Don’t compare.
Sometimes you’re playing someone who is waaay better than you.  And your self-esteem takes a beating.  Or sometimes you’re crushing your opponent and you start feeling kind of puffed up.  Stop.  And realize that you don’t know what’s on her rack, and he doesn’t know what’s on yours.  How much experience does she have?  Maybe he’s dyslexic.  Maybe she’s playing for the first time.  Maybe he has the flu (he, too, is addicted.  Hey, that has a C, which is four).  You know?  You just don’t know what’s happening.  So don’t compare.  You’ll never come out ahead that way.

2. Bad rack.
So you have four A’s, two E’s and an I.  What’re you gonna do, kvetch about it?  (If that’s a real word, that’s awesome, because the K and the V are 5 each.)  Is a bad rack REALLY a bad rack?  Maybe it makes you a better player.  And maybe it’s better than your opponent’s rack… see #1.  A good player is not he who can play a good rack.  It’s he who can take an awful (Ooh!  A W and an F.  4 and 4.) one and do something really creative with it.

3. It’s finite.
Really, this game will end and you can try another.  There are only a certain number of tiles that can be played (quick, how many??) and then it’s time for a fresh start.  You don’t ever have to get stuck in a permanent rut.

4. Have fun.
Don’t be so obsessed with points that you forget to enjoy yourself.  Every once in awhile, play a word just because it’s awesome (like “plotz” – thank you, to my recent opponent for that great one, and of course we all know a Z is 10!) even if the score value isn’t quite as high or it brings your opponent dangerously close to a triple word spot.

5. Look at it with fresh eyes.
So you’ll look at the board.  And you’ll say, “There is absolutely nothing to do.”  Then you’ll go to sleep.  Because it’s 2 am and you’re still playing.  Because you’re nuts.  Because you’re addicted.  So when you wake up and it’s the first thing you look at you get a chance to sneak a peek, all of a sudden you see a great move!  And you’re like, “THAT was there all along?”  Yup.  It was.  But sometimes you just need fresh eyes.

6. Make your failure a success.
So you’re losing.  And then your opponent plays some crazy ridiculous word.  Like, “qifru.”  (No, I made it up.  Don’t try to play it.)  No one knows what it means.  But you feel like an idiot because now he is 92 points richer than you.  Guess what, but?  You just learned a scary new word to hit a future opponent with.  Because a failure can always be turned into future success.

So go ahead.  Download it.  Invite me to play.  And then we can enjoy some qifru (10, 1, 4, 1, 2…).